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Post by Ivan on Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

First topic message reminder :

For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-

Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.

No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.
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Post by Ivan on Fri Dec 02, 2016 2:52 pm

The David Davis idea of paying for single market access is good. Maybe other European countries could do the same and form some sort of union.

There isn't a finite number of jobs in a country, and as immigrants are consumers they create work. Blame greedy employers for low pay.

Sorry Paul Nuttall, most working class voters are not homophobic, anti-abortion, climate change deniers who want to privatise the NHS.

David Davis logic – go to Starbucks, take your own flask of hot water and jar of Nescafé, then pay the full whack.

Gareth Southgate is announced as permanent England manager until 2020, with a replacement to be announced by half past eight.

Boris Johnson denies he supports freedom of movement, unless it's the freedom to move from one position to another whenever he feels like it.

David Davis doesn't want to buy a TV licence, so he pays his neighbours £300 a year to watch their set through a telescope.

Nigel Farage is going to be on ‘Question Time’ next week. Why do I feel that I might have tweeted that before?

Vegan campaigners insist new bank notes should be made of fruit and vegetable pulp, thus giving everyone their fiver day.

Theresa May should sack David Davis, and then pay him a monthly ‘salary’ to continue to offer his services.

The NHS admits plans exist to delay operations for obese patients, in a further blow to the “have cake and eat it” strategy.

Donald Trump announces he is "leaving business" to focus on more important matters, such as tweeting about actors and newspaper circulation.

The reason that public services can't cope is not because immigrants use them but because we have a Tory government which is destroying them.

Brexit selection boxes are now available with dubious claims written on the side of the Double Decker.

Theresa May responds to praise from Kate Bush by asking to see Babooshka's immigration papers.

David Davis wanted to leave Netflix, but then he secured a special deal where he pays them £7.49 a month in return for access to their content.

Can't get a doctor’s appointment because of immigration? How much harder would it be to get one without immigrant doctors?

“Before they were in and they had many opt-outs. Now they want to be out, with many opt-ins.” (Xavier Bettel, Luxembourg PM, referring to UK)

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Post by Ivan on Tue Dec 06, 2016 8:57 am

Isn't it great that Theresa May has spoken up for Christmas? Especially as there's absolutely no sign of it anywhere, not even in the shops.

“Court battle over Brexit could cause constitutional crisis”, says IDS. The only thing he knows about briefs is how to get the taxpayers to pay for them.

"Britain is a parliamentary democracy, not the mob-rule 'democracy' conjured up by Cameron for internal Tory politics." (Richard Dawkins)

What a match against Liverpool! Bournemouth hasn't witnessed such excitement since Waitrose had a buy-one-get-one-free offer on Werther's Originals.

Hard to believe that the lawyers and judges in the Supreme Court know more about the law than an angry 40-yr-old on Twitter living with his mum.

“In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue. It's not cool to not know what you're talking about.” (Barack Obama)

Rumour has it that when Duncan Smith was a minister he tried to resign to spend more time with his family, but his family vetoed the move.

“Those who say that we should love our fellow citizens, but not foreigners, destroy the universal brotherhood of mankind.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero)

If Chris Rea gets a better car in 2017, he won't need to sing about driving home for Christmas over the public address in ASDA on 2nd Dec.

Zac Goldsmith has left frontline politics after discovering that Exit means Exit.
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Post by Ivan on Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:22 am

“Red, white and blue Brexit” – you can always rely on Theresa May to come up with meaningless, evasive twaddle.

Apparently, the foreign secretary does not speak for the government on foreign matters.

Putting Nigel Farage and Louise Mensch on ‘Question Time’ makes it seem as if the BBC doesn’t want anyone to watch the programme.

“If the IQs of David Davis, Boris Johnson and Liam Fox were one point lower, they’d be plants.” (Michael O’Leary)

Theresa May said at PMQs that we should talk about Christmas. Isn't that a story about a Middle Eastern family seeking refuge?

Paul Nuttall claimed he has a PhD. He hasn’t. He also claimed to have been a professional footballer for Tranmere. He wasn’t.

Boris Johnson is disappointed by Saudi Arabia’s ‘proxy wars’. He’d prefer that they had proper ones with all the weapons we’ve sold them.

It annoys me when politicians talk of their “public service”, as some of them spend their careers trying to privatise public services.

Theresa May says she wants a “red, white and blue Brexit”, finally ending a long search to find a more inane phrase than "Brexit means Brexit".

After his latest gaffe, Boris Johnson drafted a letter of resignation. And another saying he won't resign, just to "see how each option feels".

"Farage and Trump are not great statesmen, they are grubby little opportunists." (Will Self)

Iain Duncan Smith is the poster boy for the moronocracy. The less informed your views, the more confident you are expressing them.

Mick Jagger has become a father again at the age of 73. Could this be the last time? I don’t know.

Has Norman Smith ever considered that the reason May is reluctant to reveal her Brexit negotiating hand is because there's nowt to reveal?

Barking dogs are being used to deter drones from supplying contraband to prisoners. It’s not just the dogs who are barking, Liz Truss.

Poor Michel Barnier won't stand a chance in the Brexit negotiations if he's up against the towering intellect of David Davis.

“Red, white and blue Brexit” certainly deserves to be met with some colourful language in reply. How much more of this vacuous idiocy do we have to endure?

What’s your next cunning plan, Liz Truss, anti-submarine hamsters? Can’t you ask the MoD to train cats in bomb disposal?

To distract us from divisions between an out-of-depth PM and an idiot foreign secretary, the Tories wheel out someone to ramp up the terror threat.

Give Donald Trump credit for assembling a diverse cabinet, mixing billionaires with just plain multimillionaires.

Nigel Farage failed to become ‘Time’ Person of the Year, but he is favourite to become the European Parliament’s Part-Time Person of the Year.
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Post by boatlady on Fri Dec 09, 2016 11:41 am

"Farage and Trump are not great statesmen, they are grubby little opportunists." (Will Self)

Usually find Will Self a bit irritating - but today I love the man
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Post by Ivan on Sun Dec 11, 2016 1:13 pm

Good to know that Theresa May is "just about managing" and can afford to pay £995 for a pair of leather trousers.

Fascism has taken hold of Russia without a single battle. The fascists have learned that lies are stronger than tanks.

Jeffrey Archer: “The most important thing is to be able to laugh at yourself.”
Dame Edna Everage: “You’d have to do that, otherwise you’d be missing the joke of the century.”

Theresa May is so petty that she excluded a colleague from a meeting simply because she dared to comment on her expensive trousers.

“For all its flaws as a work-in-progress, the EU is a great project of civilisation: peace, progress, unity, human rights and culture.” (A C Grayling)

Donald Trump is not draining the swamp. He is taking the creatures out of the swamp and taking them to Washington with him.

Message for Nicky Morgan from Voltaire: “To find out who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.”

Mr May: “What’s for dinner?”
Mrs May: “We’re having the best possible dinner.”
Mr May: “There’s only spam in the fridge.”
Mrs May: “Your point?”

Usually when 'trousering' and Tory MPs are in the same sentence, some money has gone missing from the till.

"UKIP members are low-grade people who I would never have a drink with and would never employ." (Nigel Farage)
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Post by Ivan on Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:20 pm

David Davis says "Brexit plan won't be published until February at the earliest". That keeps the incompetent fool in a job for a bit longer.

The richest 62 people in the world are as wealthy as half the world's population, says Oxfam. Truth is that the rest of us can no longer afford the rich.

“If Tory cabinet ministers had to use public transport, it might get some much needed action.” (Caroline Lucas)

How thick do you have to be to believe a revolt against the establishment would be launched from inside a gold-clad elevator?

Is there a worse kind of hypocrite than Gisela Stuart? A German who lives in the UK and has fought to remove my right of freedom of movement.

Saw Cliff Richard trending on Twitter and I feared the worst. Those fears have been confirmed, and he does have a new album out.

If banks think it's worth paying Osborne £26k an hour to listen to inept economic piffle, you can see how they created a huge financial crisis.

David Davis says Brexit plan won’t be revealed until at least February, with the most likely date being February 29th.

Did Gisela Stuart end up as a Labour MP by accident after filling out the wrong party's membership form?

“Nigel Farage has trumpeted Trump so much he now has to decide whether to be a Tory lord or Trump’s butler.” (Richard Burgon)
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Post by Ivan on Fri Dec 16, 2016 11:24 pm

Tesco sells more to me than it buys from me, so if it wants my custom it'll have to accept my terms or it'll be sorry!

Typical outcome of the Tory obsession with privatisation - as soon as a prison riot gets too hot for G4S, it passes it over to the Prison Service.

After launching myself off a cliff, I'm now in negotiations with the ground on a soft or hard landing.

May’s government ministers talk about ‘the Brexit negotiations’ as if they’ve got some sort of magic beans to trade.

I'm resigning from the AA and negotiating separate agreements with car repairers across the UK. I'll be aiming for the best possible deal.

G4S couldn't even recruit enough security for London 2012, so what made anyone think they could run a prison?

Now we're leaving the EU and will be free of the shackles of health and safety red tape, I will be able to make toast in the bath.

If you're not one of the 1%, voting Tory is akin to having Stockholm syndrome.

I’ve stopped sending my kids to school. I'm going to negotiate with individual teachers to make sure I get the very best deal.

Facebook's bid to stop printing obviously fake news stories is being hampered by everyone posting statuses about how great their kids are.

Not bothering with stamps anymore. I'm negotiating a better deal with individual postmen to deliver my mail.

Waiting for Liz Truss to come out and say that security arrangements at HMP Birmingham worked right up to the point at which they failed.
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Post by boatlady on Sat Dec 17, 2016 9:27 am

Brexit is a comedian's gift, really - glad it's proving good for something
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Post by oftenwrong on Sat Dec 17, 2016 5:18 pm

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Post by boatlady on Sat Dec 17, 2016 7:31 pm

Liz Truss is a bit of a joke, really
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Post by Ivan on Sun Dec 18, 2016 2:20 pm

I don't think the wife of Tory MP Mark Field was very amused when she found out that her husband had been having an affair with Liz Truss; she divorced him. Still, the rest of us have plenty to laugh at.....

Loopy Liz Truss is warning the HMP Birmingham rioters that they can expect to receive custodial sentences.

Nigel Farage wants to be a bridge between the UK and Trump; he is already a link between sanity and cloud cuckoo land.

Liz Truss says those responsible for prison riots will “face the full force of the law”. Does that include G4S, the justice ministry and George Osborne?

USA democracy: Hillary Clinton gets 65,422,068 votes and loses, Donald Trump gets 62,779,414 votes and becomes president.

An important part of British values is that we don't force people to take oaths of the kind proposed by Sajid Javid.

What breed of dog is Liz Truss using to deter drones that drop contraband into prisons? Airedales? The criminals probably favour Whippets.

Farage wants to be a “bridge between the UK and the US”. I think the word ‘sewer’ would be more appropriate.

"Stop believing fake news that Russia hacked the US election" say people who spent eight years insisting that Obama wasn't American.

Liz Truss says prison rioters will feel the firm hand of justice. Somewhat ironic given that they're already in prison and that didn't work.

When asked why he paid his workers well above the going rate, Henry Ford replied: "So they can afford to buy my cars".

Paint thinner has allegedly been found in Lidl gravy. Some people are getting very emulsional about it.

Here's an idea for a public oath, Sajid Javid: “I {insert name of minister} pledge to provide social care, a well-funded NHS and to cease silly gimmicks”.

Liz Truss says rioting prisoners will feel the firm hand of justice, while G4S receive the soft backhand of profit.

Farage: Doctor, I think I'm a bridge between the UK and Trump.
Doctor: What’s come over you?
Farage: Far-right entitlement stoked by the mainstream media.

Sajid Javid needs to ask Liz Truss about the effectiveness of taking oaths. She swore to uphold and defend our judges and that didn’t work.

I wonder if Al Capone actually paid more tax than Donald Trump in real terms?
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Post by Ivan on Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:25 pm

Diane James says that "leading UKIP is like banging your head against the wall". Just having to listen to UKIP feels about the same.

Liam Fox says “we need to make fact-based decisions”. So when do we get the £350m a week for our NHS?

Obama antagonises Trump by banning drilling in the Atlantic, before hiding prawns from there behind the White House radiators.

“In this week's Brexit mess, Brexit sec who wants out uses EU to overrule UK law by PM who wants out but wanted in. Confused?” (David Schneider)

It's good to see Lucy Worsley doing Tudor television programmes, replacing the obsession with dragging David Starkey all the way from 1840.

“There is a sense of entitlement that pervades the Palace of Westminster like a colourless and odourless gas.” (Caroline Lucas)

Theresa May is busy finalising the Brexit timetable as the winter solstice gives her the longest working day without direct sunlight.

“I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
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Post by oftenwrong on Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:43 am


Before you said "Drop anchor" you should have asked if it was attached to the boat, Noah.
You were only supposed to blow the doors off!
That's when the s*** hit the fan.
Our computer can never run out of memory.
Then it all went a bit Pete Tong.

(From next year onwards) ... "OMG it's 2016 all over again!"
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Post by Ivan on Fri Dec 23, 2016 11:29 pm

Mr and Mrs Windsor are about to have a holiday. How will they be able to tell?

Storm Barbara will cause chaos at Christmas, with Southern Rail now having to change the reason on their cancellation notices.

A Brexit deal could take 10 years. That's not fair, because most of the people who voted for it will be dead by then.

Trump intends to spend a lot more on nuclear weapons. That will really improve the living standards of Mid West rednecks who voted for him.

After taking over a wing of Swaleside prison and running it with no suicides or assaults, prisoners are to be offered a contract to run it full-time.

BBC is so left-wing that one of its top stories was that Mr and Mrs Windsor delayed their trip to Sandringham by a day because they had heavy colds.

Getting windy here in NE England. Haven't heard bluster like this since Theresa May was asked to explain her Brexit plans.

Lapland warns Christmas deliveries may be delayed, as Santa is still busy finishing his 2016 'naughty list'.

After 35 years of teaching I can honestly say I've never seen more delighted faces than on an unexpected day off school. The kids liked it too.

While staying at Balmoral, Theresa May refused to tell Mrs Windsor her plan for Brexit. We all know why - it's because she doesn't have one.

Trump considers a move to update the nuclear arsenal, as he heard from Piers Morgan that the Arsenal typically fails around Christmas.

YouGov poll says 52% of Brits would have turkey on their ideal Christmas dinner. Using the Brexit rules, the 52% can force the other 48% to have turkey every day.
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Post by Ivan on Wed Dec 28, 2016 10:19 pm

If this turkey rests anymore it'll become a UKIP MEP.

Michael Gove says democracy means we benefit from “the reliable wisdom of crowds”. Not long ago crowd wisdom saw heretics and witches burned and blacks lynched.

92 people are killed in a Russian plane crash, but that wasn’t the BBC’s top news story. A 90-year-old woman with a cold was given priority.

“Let's call it out for what it is - fascism is growing like a cancer inside the WW2 allies that defeated the Nazis.” (@ChasPeeps)

After Kissinger (responsible for carpet-bombing Cambodia) was awarded the Nobel peace prize in 1973, Tom Lehrer declared satire to be obsolete.

"The wisdom of crowds" is the perfect moralistic bullshit to spin in a society that obtains its views from right-wing press barons.

This period between Christmas and New Year I always think of as training for old age, as I sit by the fire and ask my wife what day it is.

It’s about time Victoria Beckham got an OBE. She should've had one for services to music when she stopped making records.

The Queen’s Speech - a lecture from a wealthy aristocrat telling us all to be charitable and considerate to one another.

"We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules." (Alan Bennett)


Favourite 'tweets' - Page 16 Gove_a10
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Post by Ivan on Sat Dec 31, 2016 5:38 pm

Putin confirms that Russia will respond to the expulsion of diplomats by changing the password on all White House accounts.

“How can replacing a liberal elite with an illiberal elite be good news for the poor?” (Rev Richard Coles)

Why do people buy ‘The Daily Express’ when they can go on Twitter and read a few tweets from a demented Kipper for free?

Gary Barlow breathes a sigh of relief at news that fellow tax-dodger Ken Dodd is to be knighted, knowing that his time will come.

Democrats should learn the lesson Republicans have taught them: don’t bring boxing gloves to a knife fight.

"In conversation with the stupid person, one feels one is dealing with slogans that have taken possession of him." (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

Tory associate treasurer Dominic Johnson is handed a CBE for “political service”, after lending David Cameron his house when he quit as PM.

Apparently a French road is going to be named in honour of Brexit. So is it going to be called Skid Row or Le Skid Row?

Putin has the same relationship with Trump as Harry Corbett had with Sooty.

"Boris Johnson stalks UK politics, burbling and chuckling out lie after awful lie like a nightmare clown in a pulp horror film." (Laurie Penny)

Tories announce that if you want to be on next year's New Year Honours list, their 2017 price list is now available.

2016 will go down as the year when old people's longing for the past wrecked young people's hopes for the future.
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Post by Ivan on Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:13 pm

Every answer that Donald Trump gives to the press sounds as if he's delivering a report in class on a book he never read.

Why didn't working class voters' warning instincts kick in when they saw that Brexit was supported by Gove, Rees-Mogg, Redwood, Cash and IDS?

Keep fit to beat dementia - even a brisk walk to the newsagent to cancel ‘The Daily Express’ has huge health benefits.

We live in a country where the avoidance of tax is looked on as a less serious misdemeanour than being one minute late for a DWP interview.

I’ve just cancelled a visit from a British Gas engineer. As I'm feeling optimistic, I'll service the boiler myself.

Nigel Farage is best known for never being elected to the UK Parliament and hardly ever turning up to his job in the European Parliament.

In Germany there is a word for "angry, low-education, disaffected, white nativist voters". They’re called Nazis.

Sir Ivan Rogers is a bloke smart enough to know he's been asked to do the impossible and has just said “sod it”.

Must assume that Trump is Russian-born and an agent of the Kremlin - until he produces his birth certificate and proof to the contrary.

“In 2016 the shit was thrown. In 2017 it hits the fan.” (David Aaronovitch)
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Post by Ivan on Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:05 pm

January 4th - and chief executives in the UK have already ‘earned’ more in 2017 than most people will receive all year.

Charles Manson being removed from prison and temporarily hospitalised may be ploy so that Trump can appoint him to his cabinet.

Iain Duncan Smith says "truth is an interesting word". It's a pity that he didn't show an interest in it when he was at the DWP.

How weird has the world become when the Pope is urging the US president-elect to acknowledge scientific reality on climate change?

Hapless David Davis has five spoonfuls of sugar in a cup of tea. It's hardly surprising that his Brexit plan lacks teeth.

Ed Balls won the hearts of a nation by throwing himself around like an accountant who had taken too much ecstasy at Glastonbury.

22 million Americans are set to lose Obamacare once Trump becomes president. I wonder how many of them were stupid enough to vote for him?

“First Brexiteers assault parliamentary sovereignty, then judicial independence, now civil service impartiality - the tenets of our democracy.” (David Lammy)
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Post by Ivan on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:05 pm

Now that an army veteran has allegedly committed mass murder at Fort Lauderdale, do right-wing scum expect us to hate all former soldiers?

Spare a thought for LBC. If Farage treats his new job like his MEP one, he’ll take the money, claim a load of expenses and hardly ever turn up.

"In a world where 1 in 9 people go to bed hungry, we cannot afford to carry on giving the richest an ever bigger slice of the cake." (Mark Goldring, Oxfam)

The irony is that those Kippers who belittle experts feel they have the expertise to pass judgement on everything.

Bonnie Tyler's latest tour has been cancelled because she doesn't have a sore throat.

I've voted to leave my leisure centre. I think I can negotiate separate and better deals with the swimming pool, gym and aerobics instructor.

The Tories' attitude to the NHS is much the same as the Republican Party's approach to Obamacare - they hate its very existence.

"Our glorious diversity is not a threat to who we are, it makes us who we are." (Michelle Obama)
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Post by Ivan on Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:45 am

“In newsrooms across London, well-paid propagandists are scrambling to find stories to take the NHS crisis off front pages.” (Paul Mason)

The Red Cross, which helps people in war zones and disasters, is needed in British hospitals. Just think about that!

Somebody died last week of cardiac arrest after waiting 35 hours on a hospital trolley But don't worry, Mrs Windsor has recovered from a cold.

Theresa May says "the Tories are the party of social justice”. In other news, lions are the health and safety representatives for antelopes.

I'm sick of going to A&E and seeing immigrant women with their faces covered all the time. Apparently, they're called surgeons.

As ‘La La Land’ triumphs at the Golden Globes, producers admit they never thought a musical about Donald Trump’s administration would be a hit.

Relaxing the A&E four-hour standard is to the NHS like strangling the canary because he keeps coughing in the mine.

Theresa May promises to tackle the stigma of mental health but dismisses call for extra funding. Great, let's all just talk about it!

“No way can you leave free and unfettered access to the biggest single market in the world without making yourself poorer.“ (Ken Clarke)

Jeremy Hunt admits that NHS demand is unprecedented. So doesn't unprecedented demand require some unprecedented sums of money?

As May denies that the NHS is facing a humanitarian crisis, the Red Cross deploys emergency teams to support her conscience.

“Every luxury of the worker seems to be reprehensible, and everything that goes beyond the most abstract need seems a luxury.” (Karl Marx, 1844)
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Post by Ivan on Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:32 am

Meryl Streep will go down as one of the finest actors ever. Donald Trump won't even go down as a mediocre reality TV host.

"There comes a moment you have to decide: do you keep quiet or do you stand up?" (Malala Yousafzai)

Donald Trump says "Russia has never tried to use leverage over me". Give it time, the scumbag is not even in office yet.

FIFA expands the World Cup to 48 teams in a bid to find a team more embarrassing than Iceland for England’s next exit.

“As in America, here at home we must defend the right to healthcare from those who know the price of everything but the value of nothing.” (Jeremy Corbyn)

Court is told Rolf Harris allegedly groped 7 women in public, triggering shock from the jury and a job offer as Trump's US ambassador to Australia.

Tesco announces 1,000 job losses. Every Lidl hurts.

“Trump looks like the warning label on cocaine and talks like someone trying to recall the last moments of a car crash.” (Frankie Boyle)
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Post by Ivan on Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:45 pm

Trump’s popularity plummets with Republican supporters, as they demand to know why he didn’t use American prostitutes.

I’m surprised Theresa May doesn’t offer us another of her profound thoughts and say that, as far as the NHS is concerned, “crisis means crisis”.

“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.” (George Bernard Shaw)

When heading for a cliff edge, Bernard Jenkin accelerates and hopes his Morris Minor will fly.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

“I’m glad well known fact-checker Donald Trump has come out against fake news.” (Mark Steel)

Marine Le Pen's lead in French election poll is nothing to worry about, say pollsters who predicted a Remain victory and a Clinton win.

UK cancels flights pre-emptively ahead of snow this weekend. It also builds nuclear bunkers pre-emptively ahead of Trump’s inauguration next week.

“The future will be better tomorrow.” (Dan Quayle)

The size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather.

Pollsters say Stoke by-election could be “a tight four-way”, leading to a surprise interest from Donald Trump’s campaign.

“Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.” (Leo Tolstoy)

Urine has certainly been in the news cycle this week. It'll probably pass.

The cat could very well be man's best friend, but it would never stoop to admitting it.

“Trump’s a pig, a bozo, and an embarrassment to this country.” (Robert de Niro)
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Post by Ivan on Sun Jan 15, 2017 9:39 am

Brexit - our traditional culture of tolerance is being swamped by bone-headed, xenophobic, ill-educated thugs masquerading as patriots.

“Nothing signifies the ideological death of neoliberal Labour better than its gilded youth heading to plush jobs out of politics.” (Paul Mason)

Theresa May threatens to cut GP funding. So the Tory solution to the NHS crisis created by their underfunding is to increase underfunding even more.

Apparently Russian intelligence has obtained embarrassing info on Donald Trump. What did it do, follow the buffoon on Twitter?

“The prime minister would much rather listen to spin doctors than real doctors.” (Jeremy Corbyn)

Sky News says that we shouldn't expect to see much of the queen for a while. I wasn’t actually expecting to bump into her in Sainsbury’s.

Theresa May waffles about a “shared society” then proposes new grammar schools, which would reject 75% of children.

“I refuse to imagine a Europe where lorries and hedge funds are free to cross borders but citizens cannot.” (Martin Schulz)

Does Theresa May blame the RAC patrolman when her car doesn't start?

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they have to say something.” (Plato)
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Post by Ivan on Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:51 pm

"Trump has criticised Republicans, Democrats, the pope, CIA, FBI, NATO, Meryl Streep.....everyone and anyone except Putin.” (Garry Kasparov)

Free movement hardly affects UKIP MEPs. They rarely travel to the continent.

“The Tory game – low taxes for the rich, low pay for the rest, underfund public services and find someone to blame.” (Jeremy Corbyn)

Donald Trump talks about world issues like a 13-yr-old boy in a single-sex school talks about girls; he knows they exist but little else.

Philip Hammond on post-Brexit: "We could be forced to change our economic model to regain competitiveness". Welcome to sweatshop Britain.

“Trying to interview Donald Trump is like trying to throw stones into a river in space.” (Michael Gove)

Why are white people called expats when the rest of us are known as immigrants?

“Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but that of self interest backed by force.” (George Bernard Shaw)

Brexit is the worst case of political chicanery since 1945 - migration hysteria being used to sneak in a Tory tax haven for the 1%.

“Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.” (Will Rogers)

Cheers, elderly Brexiters. Enjoy the benefits of EU social democracy while we pay for your pensions. When we retire, who do you think will pay for ours?

“The same people who think it's ridiculous for Mexico to be asked to pay for America's wall think it's fine for us to pay for Trident.” (Frankie Boyle)

Downing Street says Brexit may cause the pound to undergo a "market correction". Much as the Titanic underwent a "buoyancy correction".

"From now on we will be selling our goods and services on Europe’s terms; not as insiders but as competitors and rivals." (Peter Mandelson)

Interesting scientific fact - you have to fold Donald Trump's skin at least seven times before it is thicker than graphene.

"In Germany many people still hope that the Brits might come to their senses and in the end decide not to leave the EU." ('Welt am Sonntag')
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Post by boatlady on Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:45 am

“The Tory game – low taxes for the rich, low pay for the rest, underfund public services and find someone to blame.” (Jeremy Corbyn)

That's almost a soundbite
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Post by oftenwrong on Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:53 am

"I’m glad well known fact-checker Donald Trump has come out against fake news.”
(Mark Steel)


I don't know what constitutes "Fake News" any more:

Waitrose has launched something called 'riceless risotto'. The company has named it 'Mushotto'.

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Post by Ivan on Wed Jan 18, 2017 11:41 pm

You can tell how much contempt May and her Tories have for the average British citizen when they keep Boris Johnson as foreign secretary.

“The public were assured by leave campaigners that we would continue to have all the advantages of trade in the single market without EU membership.” (Peter Mandelson)

John Cleese promises that if he becomes foreign secretary, he will not mention the war. He can't answer for Basil Fawlty or Boris Johnson.

“It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.” (Jonathan Swift)

Jo Johnson speaks like a ventriloquist's dummy, and the garbage he spouts suggests that he probably is one.

Theresa May is having a hard time persuading me that losing my right to live, work and study in 27 other countries makes me "more global".

Think of all the imposing foreign secretaries over the years and then compare them to that monumental bellend now at the foreign office, Boris Johnson.

Our Brexit strategy is seemingly to burn all our bridges, then blame the people on the other side for making us do it.

“Is Boris Johnson competing to say things that are more stupid than Trump's ravings?” (Paul Flynn MP)

Have a trade deal with the USA and import hormone-treated beef and chlorine-washed chicken - currently outlawed in the EU to protect consumers.

“Boris Johnson is emblematic of the appalling self-serving arrogance of the rich Brexiteers, caring for nothing other than his career.” (Michael Cashman)

David Davis, Brexit campaigner for British 'sovereignty', says the UK will leave the EU even if Parliament votes down the deal. That's tyranny.
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Post by Ivan on Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:35 pm

Bruce Springsteen performs farewell gig for Obama at the White House, though Trump team requests evidence before he plays 'Born in the USA'.

Theresa May assures EU leaders that the UK is “open for business” and Boris Johnson’s mouth is “closed for refurbishment”.

If an asteroid hit the earth right now, I think a lot of us would just shrug.

British Airways cabin crew threaten strike action because their pay is peanuts – which are free anyway.

“Everything I liked about my country - tolerance, moderation, courtesy, sensibleness, pragmatism, irony - seems to have disappeared.” (Robert Harris)

Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump is like going from an iPhone to two cans tied together with a piece of string.

Paul Nuttall: "Foreigners should speak English properly……..Trump loves Britain. He's an Anglophobe".

BREAKING NEWS: For the next series of Sky TV's 'An Idiot Abroad', Karl Pilkington will be replaced by Boris Johnson.

Melania Trump is expected to deliver a speech expressing her delight at being the first African-American First Lady.

“Theresa May seems to think sending jobs and factories to China and leaking billions to tax havens makes Britain ‘global’. No it makes it poor.” (Paul Mason)

Dear Paul Nuttall,
Anglophobe = a person frightened of corners.
Anglophile = a folder full of corners.
Hope that's cleared things up.

“Donald Trump’s inauguration is expected to be the most costly in US history. And that’s not even factoring in the money.” (Conan O'Brien)
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Post by boatlady on Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:51 pm

Very rich vein today
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Post by Ivan on Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:36 pm

Trump’s inauguration speech was like the rant of a saloon bar bore in a pub about to be closed by the brewery.

Piers Morgan compares Brexit negotiations to selling carpets. Well, the rug is being pulled from under our feet!

The US must be the only country in the world where even George W Bush can't be the worst president ever.

“Respect to Obama for keeping a straight face all day after putting shrimps in the Oval Office curtain liners.” (Jack Dee)

A caller said: "Is it possible to speak with the house owner?" So I gave him the number for the Nat West bank.

Five-year old boy, watching the inauguration day motorcade, asked: "Are those police cars taking Donald Trump to jail?" Not yet, son. Not yet.

Man evicted after spending two years unnecessarily in a hospital bed is expected to sign for Arsenal.

“Trump is no evil genius; he’s just tiresome, rude and silly; one of those vexatious, loud and unpleasant people to avoid.” (Matthew Parris)

"Hello, is that ‘Sky’? Yes, I'd like to cancel my subscription but continue to have access to your services. Hello?"

Hasn't Donald Trump been impeached yet as a threat to US national security? Why the delay?
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Post by Ivan on Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:09 pm

Can't decide which is the lesser dimension, the smallness of Trump's mind or the thinness of his skin.

Theresa May knew we sent a Trident missile hurtling towards Florida, and Theresa May hid it from the British people.

For the first time in 150 years, the White House will have no pets. But Farage will visit, lick faces, roll over and get his tummy tickled.

India and Australia tell the UK that if it wants trade deals it must relax immigration rules. How's that for a Brexit own goal?

Alternative fact: Trump is a humble God-fearing practising Christian who has never broken any of the Ten Commandments.

"If you believe you’re a citizen of the world, you’re a citizen of nowhere", said Theresa May, who is now peddling 'Global Britain' claptrap.

Cover-up of the Trident error before a parliamentary vote is typical of politicians hiding information and fabricating facts to swing public opinion.

BBC is trumpeting that May will be the first foreign leader to meet Trump. I doubt if any of the others are in a hurry to see the scumbag.

Alternative fact: When Melania met Donald she thought he was a brickie. She only discovered he was a billionaire after they were married.

“Even North Korea has some sort of arrangement with its neighbours, but that’s because Kim Jong-un is a member of the liberal metropolitan elite.” (Mark Steel)
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Post by Ivan on Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:49 pm

The Supreme Court rejects Theresa May's appeal to trigger Article 50, amidst concerns it may misfire and fly in the wrong direction.

Alternative fact - Sean Spicer confirms that Donald Trump has the most Oscar nominations ever. Period.

“I’m fairly sure 'let's give billions more to big business in tax cuts' wasn't on the side of that bus.” (Ed Miliband)

A lot of people are quick to judge Iain Duncan Smith as either stupid or malicious, ignoring the far greater likelihood that he is both.

I'm going to have less to do with my pals and neighbours and will aim to become best friends with a narcissistic psychopath 3,000 miles away.

GCHQ chief Robert Hannigan quits to spend less time with your family.

“Apart from the fact it’s redundant, outmoded, stupidly expensive and doesn’t work, what possible reason could there be not to renew Trident?” (David Schneider)

Donald Trump vows to make America great again by transforming it into the greatest producer of alternative facts in the world.

Cameron in 2015: “We will clamp down on tax havens.”
May in 2017: “We will become a tax haven.”

If I was in a room with Iain Duncan Smith, Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins with a gun and one bullet, I'd just shoot myself.

As Mark Twain might have put it: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and alternative facts."

People have realised since the days when barter preceded money that trading with others is beneficial to all. Trump hasn't grasped that yet.

“Your representative owes you his judgement; and he betrays instead of serving you if he sacrifices it to your opinion.” (Edmund Burke)
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Post by oftenwrong on Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:55 am

(l'esprit d'escalier)

.... in a room with Iain Duncan Smith, Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins ....

You'd want to make sure there was an adequate provision of condoms.
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Post by Ivan on Fri Jan 27, 2017 1:36 pm

Trump seeing the UK PM first is the predator picking off the weakest that has become separated from the rest of the herd.

Britain does not need independence from the EU, it needs freedom from foreign press barons such as Murdoch and non-doms like Rothermere.

Why be surprised that Trump lies on an industrial scale? Tories have told us whoppers for years, such as "Labour caused the credit crunch".

The Holocaust didn't begin in the gas chambers. It began with the words of hate. Words matter.

“All the millions of people who, in their time, believed the Earth was flat never succeeded in unrounding it by an inch.” (Isaac Asimov)

The Department of Education may ask parents of grammar school pupils for "hundreds of pounds" to cover the cost of books, teaching and Trident.

Trump wants bilateral trade deals that can be terminated in 30 days – so much better for UK financial stability than EU membership!

The BBC should interview Michael Fallon late at night, not in the morning. His dreary monotone would be a great cure for insomnia.

Many of those who voted Leave thought it would mean an extra £350m a week for the NHS. Will that be guaranteed if MPs trigger Article 50?

“Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam.” (Sam Goldwyn)

Large numbers of waxwings have been seen across Britain due to the cold weather in their homelands. No doubt Farage and ‘The Daily Express’ are blaming the EU.

"May should read Trump’s book: the other guy is always shafted." (Polly Toynbee)

Our bent honours system gives knighthoods to jobsworths such as Craig Oliver and Michael Fallon, but not to Dambuster veteran George Johnson.

“So proud to see our PM aiming to stand shoulder to shoulder with an unstable, racist, misogynist, climate-killing, pro-torture liar.” (David Schneider)

Ask yourself when the last time a woman of colour in a burqa wronged you. Then think of a white man in a suit, and ask yourself the same.

British PM who hasn't won a general election meets American president who didn't win a popular vote. We've all been had.

MPs are demanding to know why the richest 1% are paying less tax than in 2009. Simple answer – seven years of a Tory government.

On Holocaust Memorial Day, Michael Fallon describes Trump’s views on torture and climate change as “a nuance”.

May is meeting a fascist who advocates torture. Perhaps she'll return from Washington with a note declaring "trade in our time".
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Post by boatlady on Fri Jan 27, 2017 3:59 pm

May is meeting a fascist who advocates torture. Perhaps she'll return from Washington with a note declaring "trade in our time".

lol! afraid Evil or Very Mad

The news is all very depressing at present
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Post by Ivan on Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:42 am

Mo Farah is now banned from the USA. Theresa May refuses to condemn it.

When I grew up torture was something associated with the Middle Ages and Nazis. Now a US president advocates it and the UK PM wants to be his best friend.

John Major on the Tory Brexiters: "The NHS is about as safe with them as a pet hamster would be with a hungry python."

For our unelected dictator Theresa May, it's another day, another fascist - Trump on Friday, Erdoğan on Saturday. Water finding its own level.

David Cameron was paid to give hedge fund managers advice on Brexit. That must be akin to an arsonist setting up a fire extinguisher business.

Trump is saying he was mocked for predicting Brexit when he was in Scotland the day before the vote. He actually arrived in Scotland the day after.

Labour Leave morons told us that a vote for Brexit would see the Tory government disintegrate and Labour sweep to power. That worked out well.

Trump’s claim that “torture works” is disputed by his first two wives.
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Post by Ivan on Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:22 pm

“The Queen made me a knight, Donald Trump made me an alien.” (Mo Farah)

A government insisting on ‘British values’ being taught in all schools should at least have a leader who acts them out on the world stage.

“Brexit is to the UK what Trump is to the US: toxic and destructive. Trump might take 4 years to stop; Brexit can be stopped right now.” (A C Grayling)

Has Humphrys got a sore throat? If not, why wasn't he constantly interrupting RWNJ Frank Gaffney, like he does Labour politicians?

Such irony - pro-Brexit Tory MP Nadhim Zahawi complained about losing his freedom of movement when he thought he couldn’t enter the USA.

“We're in danger of replacing a respected centre-left academic MP with Paul Nuttall. What a perfectly succinct summary of British politics.” (Alex Andreou)

Trump would've seen May as desperate: the house buyer who rashly sold her old house before she found a new one.

“David Gauke talks of massive UK contribution to refugees, failing to mention that it's the UK that helps create so many in the first place.” (Gary Lineker)

Theresa the appeaser – we used to fight fascists, not hold hands with them.

In the year 3000, when global warming has reduced the habitable world to a corner of Norway, Roger Federer will win his 2,000th grand slam tournament.

“A lot of people voted to leave the EU last year in good faith. Now the world has changed. Now we have a choice to make: Europe or Trump?” (Brian Cox)

I think Mo Farah should smuggle himself into the USA just for the fun of watching twenty overweight border guards trying to catch him.

Over one million signatures on an anti-Trump petition. Another eight million and it'll be the same as the number who attended his inauguration.

"The world is in a very precarious situation and we will not make it safer by appeasing bullies like Mr Trump." (Shami Chakrabarti)

The natural result of Brexit is going to be that weak PMs fear to speak out because it harms trade. We no longer have strength in numbers.

“Luckily, history shows if a megalomaniac ruler bans an ethnic group to please people at rallies, hold his hand and everything turns out fine.” (Mark Steel)

Emerging fascism in the USA and better knowledge of Putin's designs on Europe have completely changed the context of Brexit. We should cancel it now.

“May's little trip now looking like the shameful folly it always was; she's also now lumbered with the state visit fiasco.” (Simon Schama)

Brexit now seems like choosing to get into a minicab with a driver three times over the drink drive limit just because you booked it earlier.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” (Winston Churchill)
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Post by oftenwrong on Wed Feb 01, 2017 7:27 pm

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Post by Ivan on Fri Feb 03, 2017 12:30 pm

"Mussolini and Hitler bombed us and this government is hand in hand with another fascist, Trump. Ban the visit." (Dennis Skinner)

Kellyanne Conway blames refugees for the fictional ‘Bowling Green massacre’. She forgot to mention their part in all those ‘Midsomer Murders’.

After a series of poor predictions, the Bank of England is appointing a new head of forecasting:-

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 16 Michae10

“Of course the US should ban Syrians – remember how all the Jews fleeing Germany were a bit Nazi?” (Mark Steel)

The French elect a new president in May. Hope they're watching the USA and noting what appalling things happen when a fascist gets into power.

Some moron was on ‘Radio 4 Today’ telling us that Trump is "a good businessman". How many times has he been declared bankrupt?

"The promise was that when the glass was full it would overflow, benefiting the poor. But the glass magically gets bigger." (Pope Francis)

Trump is unhinged. The ‘Fawlty Towers’ psychiatrist would need several entire conferences.

“Jacob Rees-Mogg proclaimed this moment stood with Agincourt and Waterloo; most MPs know this is Dunkirk”. (Polly Toynbee)

Trump has demolished the already wafer-thin case for Brexit. The UK needs the closest EU ties possible, or to just stay in the EU.

“An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.” (Sam Goldwyn)

Voting to trigger A50 now then hoping to amend it is like letting the toothpaste out of the tube hoping to get it back in later.

Who says Scotland couldn't survive as an independent nation in the EU? Malta copes, even with a smaller population than Shropshire.

“I will vote for the Brexit bill, though I fear the consequences will be catastrophic.” (Margaret Beckett)
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Post by boatlady on Fri Feb 03, 2017 12:57 pm

“I will vote for the Brexit bill, though I fear the consequences will be catastrophic.” (Margaret Beckett)

Suspect the catastrophe has already taken place - when she and her mates decided to attack Corbyn and his supporters rather than engage with an effort to find an adequate response to the Referendum
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Post by oftenwrong on Fri Feb 03, 2017 7:52 pm

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