Favourite 'tweets'

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Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

First topic message reminder :

For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-

Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.

No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sat May 06, 2017 12:16 am

Excellent local elections results for UKIP, as they win overall control of Tory policy.

Michael Fallon claiming that the Conservatives need a strong majority to build a "fairer Britain" is the biggest joke of the century.

Doctors advised Philip Windsor that giving up the onerous duty of public arm-waving should vouchsafe him a couple more decades.

David Davis says "no one said a deal with the EU would be easy", in the same way that "no one said we'd give the NHS £350m a week".

On the certainties of life: death 19%, taxes 24%, a UKIP representative on ‘Question Time’ 57%.

“Instead of gibbering her daft figures in an interview, Diane Abbott should have put them on the side of a bus. She'd have got away with that.” (Mark Steel)

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

UKIP supporters who banged on about how the elites were out of touch with the common man are now voting Tory!

Theresa May's speech on the Britain she wants would have been marvellous - if made by someone giving reasons for getting rid of Theresa May.

That was the worst night for Lincolnshire UKIP members since the tartan travel rug and thermos shortage of 1953.

The Tories are taking us to hell in a handcart - and we keep voting for it.

Cameron is thrilled with the Tory victories over UKIP in UK local elections. In unrelated news, a survivor of the Titanic is delighted to receive a refund.

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sun May 07, 2017 4:40 pm

“I can hardly believe that the PM is now using the phrases and words that I’ve been mocked for using for years.” (Nigel Farage)

The pernicious Tory targeting of the poor and disabled is okay, but how dare Labour propose to tax the richest 5%!

Karl Marx's ‘Capital’ says that an unregulated capitalist system leads to inequality and exploitation. That sounds pretty accurate.

"Message to Theresa May: instead of telling us all what a great leader you are, come and debate me on it!" (Jeremy Corbyn)

Never let Leavers pose as patriotic. Brexit harms our economy, threatens the union, weakens our alliances and helps Putin.

“In this week’s ‘economy that works for everyone’, nurses use foodbanks while the 1,000 richest add 14% to their wealth in one year.” (David Schneider)

Walking can add minutes to your life and enable you at 85 to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at £5,000 per month.

Strange that Marr asks McDonnell if he's influenced by Marx, yet he didn’t ask May if she's straight-up, ripped-off Vlad the Impaler.

Not voting Labour because you dislike Jeremy Corbyn is as daft as scrapping your car because it needs cleaning.

I was worried about the A&E crisis, staff shortages, bed blocking and appalling waiting times, but now I've seen Hunt with an NHS badge I feel reassured.

Remember the rules - if Labour promises 10,000 new jobs, ask for detail on funding, but if the Tories promise 10,000 new jobs, wave it through.

"May's speech outside Downing Street showed she can not only be strong and stable, she’s also adept at being deranged." (Mark Steel)

How do you retire from having no job? Surely Philip Windsor retired in 1947.

I nearly spat out my tea when my wife said Theresa May looks as strong and stable as Tim Farron's fringe.

Why do people who constantly complain about cuts to local services go straight out and vote for the party cutting them?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Sun May 07, 2017 5:56 pm

“I can hardly believe that the PM is now using the phrases and words that I’ve been mocked for using for years.” (Nigel Farage) - gather Farage thinks this is something to celebrate.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sat May 13, 2017 1:13 pm

Theresa May’s got a touch of the Trumps and a touch of the Erdogans." (Ian Hislop)

The decision to sack James Comey came from the very top - Vladimir Putin.

The police car in which Corbyn was travelling ran over one man's leg. If May gets back in on 8 June, she'll ride roughshod over most of us.

“Labour manifesto is actually full of good sensible policies. ‘Extremism’ is Hard Brexit with no vote in Parliament and running down the NHS.” (John O’Farrell)

In May 2015 the Tories cancelled the contract they had with Microsoft to provide security for Windows XP. Cuts have consequences.

It's clouded over and turned a bit chilly in the north east of England. Theresa May must have just arrived there.

"Comey is a showboater", says the man who has a golden throne in a golden room in a tower he's named after himself.

This week must be the first since records began that nobody from UKIP has been on either ‘Question Time’ or ‘Any Questions?’.

“Election summary: Labour released another excellent policy that could transform Britain. Theresa May revealed her husband takes out the bins.” (David Schneider)

“Labour’s manifesto will drag us back to the 1970s”, says the party that’s trying to drag us back to the 1950s.

Donald Trump has more screws loose than B & Q during an earthquake.

“Those moaning about a Labour manifesto to end tuition fees, build homes, scrap bedroom tax, double paternity leave - do you have a pulse?” (Rachel Shabi)

It's a little known fact ‘This Charming Man’ was written by Morrissey after meeting Paul Nuttall.

Theresa May is about as strong and stable as a wet paper bag full of landmines.

“Election news: Labour pledges £6bn a year to NHS, £8bn to social care, 100,000 council homes a year. May reveals she has lots of cookbooks.” (David Schneider)

In future, a "Trump" will be a word used for someone woefully unfit for a job but too stupid and full of hubris to realise it.

"You can't trust Corbyn to get it right on foreign policy", say the Tories who voted for the Iraq war.

Theresa May visits the North of England in order to say nothing at all somewhere slightly colder.

Tories are squealing about the cost of the Labour manifesto policies, while conveniently forgetting the huge cost of Brexit.

“As a very active president with lots of things happening, it is not possible for my surrogates to stand at a podium with perfect accuracy.” (Donald Trump)

‘The Daily Telegraph’ is outraged that the Labour manifesto threatens to drag the UK forward to the 1970s.

Theresa May’s smile is like moonlight glinting off the brass plate on a coffin lid.

“A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves and traitors are not victims but accomplices.” (George Orwell)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Wed May 17, 2017 11:40 pm

The Tories can fund GCHQ to spy on all citizens, but they can't fund anti-malware for the NHS.

The most predictable thing about the Trump administration was that his biggest problem would be intelligence.

Theresa May's workers’ rights include the opportunity to become an unpaid carer for your relatives for a year with no income!

Nestlé’s claim to trademark shape based on the four-fingered Kit Kat has met with a court response based on a Twix.

You'd have thought someone like George Osborne, who has to do four jobs just to get by, would welcome Labour's fairer society.

May says she backs killing foxes with dogs over other ‘cruel’ methods, but admits she hasn’t tried withdrawing their benefits yet.

‘The Sun’ dropping Kelvin MacKenzie is great, but basically it’s like hearing that a local sewage plant has fixed a busted toilet; it still stinks.

Theresa May, what part of your convenient faith speaks to you when you allow tax-dodging, corporate greed and the cutting of disability benefits?

Philip Hammond, who U-turned on his budget and presides over record debt, lectures Labour on economic competence on Radio 4.

“I stopped Tories slashing worker rights when I was employment minister: they wanted employers to be able to sack workers at will.” (Ed Davey)

Trump has probably put an end to Russian hacking in the USA. Now they’re just told things directly.

If the Tories win on 8 June, at least it will mean that the foreign war needed to get them re-elected can be postponed from 2019 until 2021.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sat May 20, 2017 10:13 am

The Tory Party announces plans to reduce net immigration by making Britain a terrible place in which to live.

So with over a million using foodbanks and child poverty soaring, let's stop giving infants one good meal.

“Deeds not words. Suffragettes invented the test and Emily Davidson would've spotted that Theresa May is a political phoney.” (Kevin Maguire)

As Rolf Harris is released from prison only to stand trial again, the Ecuadorian embassy says it may have a room.

20 years ago the Tories were massacred because of sleaze, corruption and incompetence. Why do so many people have such short memories?

Turpin Theresa ended her manifesto launch saying: “Stand with me as I deliver for Britain”. Highway robbery is all you can expect from her.

"Trump is now at war with intelligence...in two ways." (Frankie Boyle)

The 'compassionate Conservatives' have gone from being led by Thatcher the milk snatcher to May the dinner binner.

Working class Tories must be Del Trotters. They don't want more taxes for the rich because "this time next year we could be millionaires".

Britain’s infants will finally be made to pay for causing the financial crisis of 2008.

NHS struggles because Tories starve it of funds. UK spends 9.1% of its GDP on healthcare, less than 37 other countries. Sweden spends 11.9%.

Tory manifesto says the elderly must pay for their own care, as this strong and stable government decides to target the weak and infirm.

"Theresa May couldn't be bothered to show up, but her spokesperson Paul Nuttall appeared in her place." (Nicola Sturgeon)

When Michael Gove says anything, remember this is the man who called David Cameron "the outstanding politician of this generation".

When John Humphrys was in Shirebrook, he said Polish people in the street didn't want to talk to him. We can all empathise with them.

I don't know anyone who admits to voting Tory. It's the party political equivalent of admitting you have herpes.

Tories have brought every form of infrastructure to its knees and asset-stripped the UK and its poor. Now they’re coming for the middle class and old.

Trump says "no politician in history has been treated worse" than him, apart from those who were blown up, shot or stabbed with an ice pick.

Understatement of the week - "Theresa May is a deceitful, dishonest, tribal Tory wolf in sheep's clothing." (Kevin Maguire)

Paul Nuttall apologises for calling Leanne Wood ‘Natalie’, blaming the amnesia on a head injury sustained while climbing K2.

The Tories offer strong and stable dealership, the finest purveyors of public services since 1979 – everything must go!

"Theresa May's head is now so far up Paul Dacre's arse, I can only assume she'll be wearing him as a hat to Ascot." (Hugh Grant)

Last year the numpties voted to screw their grandchildren's futures. The Tories are assuming that this year they'll vote to ruin their own.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Mon May 22, 2017 11:58 pm

How can a PM and a chancellor who voted Remain, but are now campaigning for a 'hard Brexit', claim to be 'strong and stable'?

The Tories are asking us to trust their costings of Labour's manifesto, yet they admit that they haven't even costed their own.

Damian Green - "You don't understand capitalism."
John McDonnell - "You certainly do, because you made a fortune out of it."

If you can't emulate your sister and marry a royal parasite, you can always find a hedge fund manager to save you from needing to visit foodbanks.

How can anyone vote for cuts to allowances for the disabled but be opposed to tax increases for the richest 5% of us?

The bar for Trump is so low that reading out a couple of sheets of A4 written by someone else without offending millions is a triumph.

Typical Tory hypocrisy to accuse Labour of "scaremongering" over social care when spreading fear has been one of their main tactics for decades.

If you say "strong and stable" three times into a mirror, Theresa May will appear and close your local A&E.

Trains throughout Western Europe are cheaper and of a much higher standard than in the UK, and most of them are state-owned.

Since 2010 there's been a 113% rise in rough sleeping and a 112% rise in the wealth of Britain's 1,000 richest families. The economy is rigged.

Tories have for a decade wanted to raise the IHT threshold from £325k per person to £1m for a couple. Now Damian Green says £100k is enough!

When you see Donald Trump on a foreign trip you can imagine what it would have been like to have had Philip Windsor as president.

Social care Tory U-turn isn't because they suddenly care about the elderly, they only care about votes.

Theresa May keeps saying the NHS can only get investment in a booming economy. So presumably in an economic downturn she'd let you die.

“U-turn if you want to, the lady is for turning. That’s not strong and stable, it’s weak and wobbly.” (Michael Crick)

After saying she wouldn't call an election, May called one over the matter of trust. Run that past me again.

"Nothing has changed" says Theresa May, on the day she makes a huge U-turn on social care.

May’s malfunctioning in her Andrew Neil interview is the biggest robot disaster since Westworld.

Trump’s presidency is 25% treason, 25% embarrassment, 25% idiocy and 25% ineptitude.

Theresa May is shallower than a sheet of graphene. Her social care policy is unravelling faster than my Primark string vest.

“Children under Theresa May will go hungry. It is that stark and heartless, but she just doesn’t care.” (Jamie Oliver)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Thu May 25, 2017 7:09 pm

Pope Francis has cancelled all of his appointments for the rest of the year, just in case Trump asks him to hear his confession.

We’re British. I don’t get scared until the threat level hits ‘replacement bus service’.

Don't be fooled by May's fake concern for young people. 4 million British children live in poverty and she wants to take meals from infants.

In 2013, Jeremy Corbyn received the Gandhi Foundation International Peace Award for 30 years of trying to persuade violent groups to disarm.

The leaking of Manchester security details in the USA shows that the UK’s relationship is about as ‘special’ as the one a dog has with a lamppost.

Terrorists and the far-right seem to have some weird symbiotic relationship in which each does its best to boost recruitment of the other.

May says she is "100% committed” to Brexit and has been since she told everyone it was a terrible idea and voted against it.

David Attenborough should make a TV series about how the Tories invaded and colonised the BBC.

Worth remembering why we have troops on the street now but we didn't after 7/7. Because May has cut the police by 20,000.

One of Nigel Farage's cigarette papers couldn't fit between Paul Nuttall's UKIP and the BNP.

Iain Duncan Smith claimed £39 for a breakfast. Theresa May costed schoolchildren's breakfasts at 7p each. Think about that when you vote.

When Donald Trump arrived in Israel, sources say he was devastated to discover that the Gaza Strip isn’t a gentlemen’s club.

Over recent days, May has spoken of her pride in the police, as has Hunt in respect of the NHS. Yet their actions demonstrate contempt for both.

A reminder that the UKIP manifesto was created by randomly cutting out ‘Mail’ and ‘Express’ editorials from 1957.

As May says the future of the UK depends on getting “the next five years right”, critics wonder what went wrong with the previous seven.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Thu May 25, 2017 10:35 pm

Wanted to pick one out and make an amusing comment - but today I'm spoilt for choice - this government is providing us with a very rich seam of irony
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sun May 28, 2017 6:11 pm

“Invading Iraq will set off a spiral of conflict that will fuel the wars, conflict, terrorism and misery of future generations." (Jeremy Corbyn, 2003)

You may still get stung occasionally, but if you poke a wasp nest with a stick, you increase your chance of being attacked by its occupants.

Rumour has it that Wayne Rooney is to retire from football and join Sunderland.

Norman Baker resigned as a minister in 2014 because of May's failure "to work collegiately to take forward rational evidence-based policy".

Theresa May left the G7 after just one day, so that she can spend more time avoiding the general public during the election campaign.

"If you say the Versailles Treaty and the Great Depression contributed to the rise of the Nazis, does that make you a Nazi apologist? No." (Owen Jones)

These absurd Tories can’t even be consistent as to whether they see Jeremy Corbyn as a pacifist or a terrorist.

In hot weather I keep a picture of Theresa May in the glove compartment of my car. Taking it out makes the temperature plummet.

“Leave Jared Kushner alone! It's only a bit of mild treason. It's not as if he did a really bad thing like use the wrong email.” (David Schneider)

Michael Fallon went to a party with Assad, who uses chemical weapons against his own people, yet it is Corbyn the media constantly attack.

May is too scared to have a face-to-face debate with Jeremy Corbyn, yet we're asked to trust her to face EU negotiators!

January 2018 - Tory government is forced to send the army into hospitals to perform operations, saying it’s “nothing to do with cuts”.

“There can be no love of country if there is neglect or disregard for its people.” (Jeremy Corbyn)

I was pleased to hear that Katie Hopkins has been fired, but disappointed that it wasn’t from a cannon against a wall.


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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Mon May 29, 2017 6:48 pm

"If you say the Versailles Treaty and the Great Depression contributed to the rise of the Nazis, does that make you a Nazi apologist? No." (Owen Jones)

Gets on my nerves, does young Mr Jones - then out he comes with a pithy little comment like this - I'm ready to adopt him
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Mon May 29, 2017 7:37 pm

If any twitterer wants to find all the tweets of our political parties collected in one place, this MSN link may be useful, if somewhat tedious for repetition.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/general-election
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Tue May 30, 2017 10:32 pm

As a resident of Manchester, I'd like to let Theresa May know that I feel so much safer now she's put troops outside Buckingham Palace.

Corbyn asked about policing cuts in PMQs in 2015. The answer was: "Put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem".

Robbing Britons of the right to live and work in 31 countries is the greatest assault on our rights since the Combination Acts of 1799-1800.

Let's not forget that Toxic Theresa threatened to use the sharing of security information with the EU as a bargaining chip.

More rank hypocrisy from the Tories - 'gagging law' for charities, but freedom of speech when it's filth spewed out by right-wing tabloids.

Boot out Theresa May on 8 June and she will have had the shortest time in office (332 days) of any British PM since 1923 (Andrew Bonar Law).

Macron:"We must stand up to Trump."
Merkel:"Don't insult us, Trump."
May:"Come and meet the Queen!"

Theresa May has all the personal warmth, wit, oratorical ability and charisma of a faulty fridge-freezer full of rotting fish fingers.

“Problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” (Bertrand Russell)

My 5-year-old lad had to wait over 3 months to see an orthopedic surgeon, but I’m supposed to care about Corbyn meeting Gerry Adams 22 yrs ago.

May v Corbyn: I haven't been this hyped since my TV got stuck on Sky Sports 2 and I had to watch 20 minutes of MK Dons v Barnsley.

Theresa May intends to improve the skills of British workers - by starving schools of the adequate funds needed to teach tomorrow's adults.

Having no Conservative prime minister is better than having a bad Conservative prime minister.

‘Battle For Number 10’ showed Theresa May as not the person you want negotiating Brexit. She's not "bloody difficult", just bloody awful.

“Theresa May, a blowhard who collapses at the first sound of gunfire.” (Jeremy Paxman)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Wed May 31, 2017 11:59 pm

The only leader who didn’t take part in the leaders’ debate was the leader who said this election is all about leadership.

“Theresa May is the plastic Margaret Thatcher. The lady is for turning but not for turning up.” (Angela Rayner)  

Theresa May is absolutely useless at being a human.

"If you're not worth Theresa May's time, don't give her yours.” (Tim Farron)

Instead of debating, May says she'd rather tour the country talking to ordinary voters. But she doesn’t do that either, just to party hacks.

"The first test of leadership is to show up." (Caroline Lucas)

When it comes to public debates, it seems that the Tories have decided that no Theresa May is better than a bad Theresa May.

Nothing says strong and stable leader as much as sending a newly bereaved junior colleague to do a job you're too scared to do.

"This is no time for a weak leader to be making it up as they go along”, says Theresa May, who has been doing that ever since she became PM.

“PM who called election instead of preparing for Brexit criticises rival for participating in election and not preparing for Brexit.” (David Schneider)

Amber Rudd knows there is a magic money tree, but it's in the tax-free haven of Panama.

Many of those who’ve criticised Corbyn's leadership for the past two years citing ‘the polls’ suddenly no longer believe the polls!

Q: Why was the Tory Party leader not present at the BBC debate?
A: Because he was on a date with his wife Jerry.

“When the wind of change blows, some build walls while others build windmills.” (Chinese proverb)

Some Tories nicknamed May ‘Submarine May’ for submerging when the going got tough. It's happened again.

"Labour got their school meal recipes from Jamie Oliver. The Tories are getting theirs from Oliver Twist." (Angela Rayner)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:43 pm

Q: Why was the Tory Party leader not present at the BBC debate?
A: Because he was on a date with his wife Jerry.


Funny/not funny
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:35 pm

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:43 pm

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sat Jun 03, 2017 12:48 pm

May's feeble excuse for missing the BBC debate was "she needed to think about the Brexit negotiations". She's had nearly a year to do that!

Every time there is a proposal to increase the minimum wage it's said jobs will be lost, but it never happens.

The true winners of the BBC debate were those trapped on delayed Southern Rail services who didn't have to watch it.

Conservative MP charged over Tory election fraud. Presumably he won't be able to skip interviews like his boss does?

May: “The other parties wanted to frustrate the vote on Brexit”. Which must be why it was passed in Parliament without amendment.

Ultimately, the fear of bogeymen from abroad is used by the Tories as a means to obtain a mandate to impose poverty at home.

If you use nukes first that isn't a deterrent. If you use nukes second they failed as a deterrent.

The decision to call an election was cynical, opportunistic and partisan. May's explanation is nonsense on stilts.

Mustn't there be a 'magic money pit', where all the savings from cuts, extra VAT and the proceeds from Tory asset-stripping have gone?

Jeremy Corbyn forgetting a figure in his ‘Woman’s Hour’ interview = headline news. Theresa May cancelling her interview = silence.

'Analogue politician in a digital age' is a cliché, but listening to Iain Duncan Smith shows that it still has meaning.

“Leave Theresa alone. She’s busy touring the country, meeting all sorts of people from Tory MPs to Tory councillors.” (David Schneider)

When you're lying on a trolley in a cold corridor or your children are hungry, remember that at least Mrs May is willing to blow us all up.

Delicious Freudian slip from Iain Duncan Smith to Naga Munchetty: “What we’re trying to get away with in this manifesto”.

Donald Trump has pulled out of the Paris Accord. Such a pity that his father didn't decide to pull out as well.

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Sat Jun 03, 2017 3:43 pm

very good collection this time, Ivan
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Thu Jun 08, 2017 12:26 am

The Tories didn’t have time to cost their own manifesto, but they somehow found time to do their own distorted costing of Labour’s.

Theresa May is itching to use terrorism as an excuse to bring in censorship of the internet, the one medium the Tories don't yet control.

Not all pensioners will lose their winter fuel allowance if the Tories win. Those with all four grandparents alive will still be eligible.

“May has suddenly changed her mind on human rights, as on the EU and calling an election. Tomorrow she'll think 'sod it' and vote Labour.” (Mark Steel)

Zoos are important places because they make people think they are free.

I wouldn't want Theresa May negotiating me out of a phone contract, let alone Brexit.

As a Tory 'strong and stable' van tips on its side on the M6 during high winds, police say it didn't help that it tried to do 12 U-turns in 4 minutes.

"You don't deal with a threat to democracy by taking away democracy. You deal with the threat." (Jeremy Corbyn)

When Labour was last in power, Tories claimed that many of the employed had 'non jobs'. Now about a million of us have zero hours contracts.

7 years of failed austerity, growing inequality and cruelty towards the sick and disabled. Someone must have broken a very large mirror in 2010.

David Davis thinks the border between the north and south of Ireland is ‘internal’. Does that fill you with confidence for the Brexit negotiations?

“Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.” (George Bernard Shaw)

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:02 am

“May has suddenly changed her mind on human rights, as on the EU and calling an election. Tomorrow she'll think 'sod it' and vote Labour.” (Mark Steel

Love that
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:14 pm

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Fri Jun 09, 2017 9:06 am

Very Happy sunny flower
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Flashback

Post by oftenwrong on Fri Jun 09, 2017 10:30 am


Theresa May
✔ ‎@theresa_may

If I lose just six seats I will lose this election and Jeremy Corbyn will be sitting down to negotiate with Europe: https://www.facebook.com/TheresaMayOfficial/posts/1737355726281193

10:03 AM - 20 May 2017
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Fri Jun 09, 2017 2:52 pm

She's a liar, liar
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Sat Jun 10, 2017 7:41 pm




Any questions?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:15 pm

What of the DUP? - any wisdom to offer? I'm sort of thinking they may be a bridge too far for the fragrant Theresa
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Sun Jun 11, 2017 2:38 pm

“Had this weird dream Theresa May humiliated herself in snap election and clung to power with homophobe fundamentalist terrorist sympathisers.” (Owen Jones)

The country needs certainty so I'm doing a deal with ten bigots to cobble together a majority of six. This will make me strong and stable.

May's position is “untenable” as man of the people, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, waits in the wings.

Fiona Hill and Nick Timothy resign. Theresa May has to seek a coalition of chaos and is now "naked and alone" in Downing Street.

The White House says plans for Trump’s visit to London are still in their infancy, not unlike the president himself.

Gambled and lost with our EU membership. Gambled and lost with their majority. Gambling with peace and the Good Friday Agreement.

“It is my sincere hope that people will do what Theresa May asks and judge her on her record.” (Jo Maugham QC)

What's the DUP policy on foxhunting? I can't find anything in my King James Bible to help.

As the old saying goes, one person's terrorist is another woman's ticket to cling on to power.

In a statement read from the balcony of Ecuadorian Embassy, Farage refutes the claim that he's a person of interest in the FBI Russia investigation.

Corbyn talked to Sinn Fein (political wing of IRA) for peace. May negotiates with the DUP (political arm of UVF/UDA) for power.

“The furious young ran towards her through the fields of wheat.” (Carol Ann Duffy)

Are the DUP allowed to vote on items that only concern the English?

If the answer is Boris Johnson, then the Conservative Party is probably asking the wrong question.

“Theresa May, did you ever wonder how it felt to be Corbyn, with the whole press attacking you and your own MPs out to get you?” (Alex Nunns)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Sun Jun 11, 2017 7:29 pm

“Theresa May, did you ever wonder how it felt to be Corbyn, with the whole press attacking you and your own MPs out to get you?” (Alex Nunns)

if she didn't wonder, I imagine she is now finding out
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Mon Jun 12, 2017 2:56 pm

Michael Fallon has the look of a funeral director getting news that a potential customer has got better.

“£130m is a lot of money for the PM to spend on an election to find out people don't like her. She could have just gone on Twitter.” (Jonathan Reynolds)

As it emerges that expat pensioners may cost the NHS millions after Brexit, UKIP urges them to sod off back to where they came from.

Who’d have thought that avoiding debates and voters, mouthing an empty slogan, U-turning and not costing any policies would lose you seats?

“If you really want to encourage democracy, stop buying the bloody ‘Daily Mail'.” (Alastair Campbell)

Michael Fallon is Chemical Ali in a blue tie.

Lewis Hamilton: "I live in an apartment in Monaco, so not much room for trophies."  The sacrifices the rich make just to avoid taxes.

Looks like we'll be sending Brussels the Conservative and Unionist Negotiating Team. I hope they can come up with a handy acronym.

It may be number 10 for Rafael Nadal, but it won't be for Theresa May for much longer.

“If it was just a coalition of chaos, that would be bad enough. This is much worse.” (Keir Starmer)

Seeking an alliance with the DUP shows that it’s any port in a storm for Submarine May.

Arlene Foster teaming up with Theresa May is the worst double act since Fred and Rose West.

Fallon: “Theresa took many more questions from the public than Corbyn.”
Marr:  “But she didn't answer any of them.”

Priti Patel used to be a lobbyist for the tobacco industry. Basically, in the fight against cancer, she was on cancer's side.

Morally bankrupt May runs through wheat fields and jumps into bed with misogynistic, DUP homophobes faster than you can say covfefe.

“The only 'certainty' is that Theresa May isn't very good at this prime minister lark.” (Gary Lineker)

Nothing more futile than attacking Londoners. We survived Romans, plague, fire, Blitz, Olympics and even Boris Johnson as mayor.

Two years of smearing Corbyn with IRA rubbish and now May will apparently rule with supporters of the UVF and Ulster Resistance.

“Seems that the electorate has decided that no Tory government is better than a bad Tory government.” (David Schneider)

Theresa May intends to forge a controversial deal with the DUP or, as it’s also known, ‘The Bad Friday Agreement’.

“Yet another own goal, after Cameron now May, will make already complex negotiations even more complicated.” (Guy Verhofstadt)            

Let's all have a moment of silence for the poor soul who will have to explain ‘hung parliament’ to the knucklehead Trump.

The Tories are running a ‘worst PM in history’ relay race. Cameron won the first leg then handed the baton to May. Boris is next.

It must be time for the men in suits from the 1922 Committee to call on Theresa May and tell her that "exit means exit".

“Theresa May is a dead woman walking.” (George Osborne)
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Favourite tweets

Post by oftenwrong on Tue Jun 13, 2017 7:49 pm

May:  "I got us into this mess, and I'm going to get us out of it!"

(But it may cost a bit more now)

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Thu Jun 15, 2017 5:20 pm

As Michael Gove becomes environment secretary, farmers say his first job should be stopping idiots running through wheat fields.

Deluded and dangerous Theresa May is starting to make Donald Trump look rational.

Capitalism is the extraordinary delusion that the nastiest of men for the nastiest of motives will somehow work for the benefit of all.

As Theresa May holds talks with Arlene Foster, the DUP are said to be unhappy that two women are having an unsupervised conversation.

I don't know why the BBC doesn't just have Rupert Murdoch on rather than Michael Gove and ask him what he thinks. Cut out the middle man.

After throwing away a lead and failing to capitalise on weakened opposition in a lacklustre performance, Theresa May attends an England game.

"If May is kicked out and replaced by Amber Rudd, at the next election Rudd can refuse to take part in a debate and send May in her place." (Mark Steel)

Michael Gove was thrilled to be at the front of the lunch queue after the first cabinet meeting, as others avoid turning their back on him.

Theresa May is caught on camera performing a Mexican wave, further straining her relationship with Donald Trump.

In fairness, Theresa May has spent two years warning about a PM with terrorist links. She just didn't mention that it would be her.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:57 am

Relief is at hand ..........



(Another) bloke named Dave.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Mon Jun 19, 2017 4:43 pm

Good god - is there to be no end to it?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Fri Jun 23, 2017 10:39 pm

Denis Skinner‏ @BolsoverBeast


Not everyone knows that Theresa May's communications chief, Laura Kuenssberg also does jobs for the BBC.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by astradt1 on Sat Jun 24, 2017 8:05 am

In a crowded field, Mrs Leadsom again urges you to consider her Britain's stupidest politician.

Cabinet minister accuses journalist of being unpatriotic for basically holding the Government to account.

If Theresa May falls under the Brexit bus, never fear Britain - we have the strong and stable Andrea Leadsom.

If it weren't for Theresa May, Andrea Leadsom would now be Prime Minister.

"None of us need to know” what Theresa May wants to get out of Brexit, apparently.

I think that’s called “taking back control"

Silly woman on BBC qt, doesn't want to know anything just wants out. Boy has she got some nasty surprises ahead.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Sat Jun 24, 2017 8:01 pm

Many people all over the World, not just members of our Tory administration, are under the impression that the BBC has always been a Government Department.

An easy mistake.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Sun Jun 25, 2017 9:26 pm

In a crowded field, Mrs Leadsom again urges you to consider her Britain's stupidest politician.

Inclined to nominate the fragrant Mrs Leadsom, who seems chronically out of her depth and several steps behind
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by oftenwrong on Mon Jun 26, 2017 8:16 pm

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by boatlady on Tue Jun 27, 2017 8:14 am

It's like a horrible dystopian dream
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

Post by Ivan on Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:35 pm

One thousand million pounds of blackmail, paid by us to homophobic bigots, all to save one reptile's job.

Peter Bone thinks not wearing a tie diminishes respect in MPs. Yes, that's it, not the lies, the cronyism, the kickbacks and expenses fraud.

After David Davis says the Moon landing was easier than negotiating Brexit, critics suggest blasting him into space instead.

“Theresa May’s interaction with the public is like being a doctor and not liking the sight of blood.” (Lord Patten)

DUP MPs insist their policies are not “medieval”, and they were happy to make a deal with May after she survived the ducking stool.

After listening to Boris Johnson’s Radio 4 interview, Richard Hammond admits that maybe his car crash wasn’t so bad after all.

May is running her mortally-wounded government like a drunken bull running down a hill to say hello to a field full of cows.

There will be no extra government funding to cover high-rise cladding issues, Arlene Foster tells reporters from her new Lamborghini.

As faecal matter is found in drinks at Costa, Starbucks and Caffè Nero, the coffee giants admit launching the Crappucino was a bad idea.

Theresa May's Queen's Speech might as well have been written in biro on the side of a banana for all the longevity it will have.

It’s ironic that Jacob Rees-Mogg is so against freedom of movement when he himself emigrated here from ‘The Pickwick Papers’.

Philip Hammond claims the UK will secure a 'transitional period' for Brexit, thought to be the time between ‘leaving cliff’ and ‘hitting rocks’.

When you hear Tories and 'libertarians’ extolling the benefits of "cutting red tape", remember it can mean life-threatening cuts to health and safety.

Tory-DUP deal is branded "reckless" by some, as it risks disrupting the delicate peace process currently going on inside the Conservative Party.

“I despair at how a Tory gerontocracy burned the crops of the young with the shape of its austerity, then salted the earth with Brexit.” (Jo Maugham QC)

If you're wondering what ‘NI’ means on your payslip, it's actually Northern Ireland.

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Re: Favourite 'tweets'

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