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Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm
First topic message reminder :
For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-
Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!
When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.
No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.
For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-
Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!
When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.
No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.
Ivan- Administrator (Correspondence & Recruitment)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:35 pm
One thousand million pounds of blackmail, paid by us to homophobic bigots, all to save one reptile's job.
Peter Bone thinks not wearing a tie diminishes respect in MPs. Yes, that's it, not the lies, the cronyism, the kickbacks and expenses fraud.
After David Davis says the Moon landing was easier than negotiating Brexit, critics suggest blasting him into space instead.
“Theresa May’s interaction with the public is like being a doctor and not liking the sight of blood.” (Lord Patten)
DUP MPs insist their policies are not “medieval”, and they were happy to make a deal with May after she survived the ducking stool.
After listening to Boris Johnson’s Radio 4 interview, Richard Hammond admits that maybe his car crash wasn’t so bad after all.
May is running her mortally-wounded government like a drunken bull running down a hill to say hello to a field full of cows.
There will be no extra government funding to cover high-rise cladding issues, Arlene Foster tells reporters from her new Lamborghini.
As faecal matter is found in drinks at Costa, Starbucks and Caffè Nero, the coffee giants admit launching the Crappucino was a bad idea.
Theresa May's Queen's Speech might as well have been written in biro on the side of a banana for all the longevity it will have.
It’s ironic that Jacob Rees-Mogg is so against freedom of movement when he himself emigrated here from ‘The Pickwick Papers’.
Philip Hammond claims the UK will secure a 'transitional period' for Brexit, thought to be the time between ‘leaving cliff’ and ‘hitting rocks’.
When you hear Tories and 'libertarians’ extolling the benefits of "cutting red tape", remember it can mean life-threatening cuts to health and safety.
Tory-DUP deal is branded "reckless" by some, as it risks disrupting the delicate peace process currently going on inside the Conservative Party.
“I despair at how a Tory gerontocracy burned the crops of the young with the shape of its austerity, then salted the earth with Brexit.” (Jo Maugham QC)
If you're wondering what ‘NI’ means on your payslip, it's actually Northern Ireland.
Peter Bone thinks not wearing a tie diminishes respect in MPs. Yes, that's it, not the lies, the cronyism, the kickbacks and expenses fraud.
After David Davis says the Moon landing was easier than negotiating Brexit, critics suggest blasting him into space instead.
“Theresa May’s interaction with the public is like being a doctor and not liking the sight of blood.” (Lord Patten)
DUP MPs insist their policies are not “medieval”, and they were happy to make a deal with May after she survived the ducking stool.
After listening to Boris Johnson’s Radio 4 interview, Richard Hammond admits that maybe his car crash wasn’t so bad after all.
May is running her mortally-wounded government like a drunken bull running down a hill to say hello to a field full of cows.
There will be no extra government funding to cover high-rise cladding issues, Arlene Foster tells reporters from her new Lamborghini.
As faecal matter is found in drinks at Costa, Starbucks and Caffè Nero, the coffee giants admit launching the Crappucino was a bad idea.
Theresa May's Queen's Speech might as well have been written in biro on the side of a banana for all the longevity it will have.
It’s ironic that Jacob Rees-Mogg is so against freedom of movement when he himself emigrated here from ‘The Pickwick Papers’.
Philip Hammond claims the UK will secure a 'transitional period' for Brexit, thought to be the time between ‘leaving cliff’ and ‘hitting rocks’.
When you hear Tories and 'libertarians’ extolling the benefits of "cutting red tape", remember it can mean life-threatening cuts to health and safety.
Tory-DUP deal is branded "reckless" by some, as it risks disrupting the delicate peace process currently going on inside the Conservative Party.
“I despair at how a Tory gerontocracy burned the crops of the young with the shape of its austerity, then salted the earth with Brexit.” (Jo Maugham QC)
If you're wondering what ‘NI’ means on your payslip, it's actually Northern Ireland.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:59 pm
(Late entry)
Ironically, given the current economic trajectory, growth prospects and political uncertainty, we may indeed be a cashless economy by 2020
Tom McPhail @pensionsmonkey
Ironically, given the current economic trajectory, growth prospects and political uncertainty, we may indeed be a cashless economy by 2020
Tom McPhail @pensionsmonkey
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:48 pm
Boris Johnson calls for end to the pay cap as long as it is done in “a responsible way”, thereby removing himself from any involvement.
Critics of austerity are "selfish", says man who spent £25,000 on a shed.
BBC bosses defend not revealing Peter Capaldi’s replacement, saying that post-Brexit it’s just impossible to attract doctors.
Tory ministers call for austerity to end, due to heartfelt concerns about the terrible hardships suffered by their poll numbers.
Thousands of people could be living in death traps, but at least we have nuclear missiles and aircraft carriers (albeit without the aircraft).
Michael Foot once said "nothing was more absurd than fat people telling thin ones to tighten their belts". David Cameron is one such fat cat.
White House sources say the US tracked a North Korean missile for 37 minutes, as that's the longest Donald Trump can go without checking Twitter.
Sajid Javid announces that 'outside experts' will be brought in to manage Kensington Council, thereby ruling himself out.
David Cameron and Boris Johnson - two posh spoiled brats who graduated from trashing restaurants in Oxford to trashing the whole of the UK.
If May is deluded enough to think the Tories managed the economy well after 2010, why did she summarily dismiss the previous chancellor?
Critics of austerity are "selfish", says man who spent £25,000 on a shed.
BBC bosses defend not revealing Peter Capaldi’s replacement, saying that post-Brexit it’s just impossible to attract doctors.
Tory ministers call for austerity to end, due to heartfelt concerns about the terrible hardships suffered by their poll numbers.
Thousands of people could be living in death traps, but at least we have nuclear missiles and aircraft carriers (albeit without the aircraft).
Michael Foot once said "nothing was more absurd than fat people telling thin ones to tighten their belts". David Cameron is one such fat cat.
White House sources say the US tracked a North Korean missile for 37 minutes, as that's the longest Donald Trump can go without checking Twitter.
Sajid Javid announces that 'outside experts' will be brought in to manage Kensington Council, thereby ruling himself out.
David Cameron and Boris Johnson - two posh spoiled brats who graduated from trashing restaurants in Oxford to trashing the whole of the UK.
If May is deluded enough to think the Tories managed the economy well after 2010, why did she summarily dismiss the previous chancellor?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Sun Jul 09, 2017 11:50 pm
Theresa May claims she has 'no regrets' about calling a snap election. Her face and demeanour on election night told a rather different story!
Jacob Rees-Mogg announces the birth of his sixth child, who is already more successful and financially secure than you'll ever be.
“Last century, the Orange Order dictated what happened in Northern Ireland. Now they're running the UK.” (Jeremy Hardy)
Trump and Putin met at the G20 for what our lawyers have advised us to say was the first time.
Theresa May is the second most unpopular thing in the cabinet room, narrowly beaten by Larry the cat's regurgitated fur ball.
Can someone remind me of what's wrong with being able to live, work and establish business straightforwardly in 27 other countries?
“If there was a transfer market in PMs we should bid for the Dutch one. Or the French. Or the German for that matter.” (Rory Bremner)
Two BBC journalists wanted to be Theresa May's new communication director. Only two? I thought they all did.
Theresa May claims she has 'no regrets' about calling a snap election. Just as Hitler had no regrets about Operation Barbarossa.
“Arlene Foster is the most expensive right-winger since Cristiano Ronaldo.” (Angela Rayner)
Jacob Rees-Mogg announces the birth of his sixth child, who is already more successful and financially secure than you'll ever be.
“Last century, the Orange Order dictated what happened in Northern Ireland. Now they're running the UK.” (Jeremy Hardy)
Trump and Putin met at the G20 for what our lawyers have advised us to say was the first time.
Theresa May is the second most unpopular thing in the cabinet room, narrowly beaten by Larry the cat's regurgitated fur ball.
Can someone remind me of what's wrong with being able to live, work and establish business straightforwardly in 27 other countries?
“If there was a transfer market in PMs we should bid for the Dutch one. Or the French. Or the German for that matter.” (Rory Bremner)
Two BBC journalists wanted to be Theresa May's new communication director. Only two? I thought they all did.
Theresa May claims she has 'no regrets' about calling a snap election. Just as Hitler had no regrets about Operation Barbarossa.
“Arlene Foster is the most expensive right-winger since Cristiano Ronaldo.” (Angela Rayner)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:26 am
Theresa May called the election to crush all opposition and now she wants some help! The only help she needs is from Pickfords.
Anne Marie Morris admits she was wrong to use an old-fashioned, outdated term, saying she understands "very few people now have a woodpile".
Donald Trump’s state visit is likely to take place next year, depending on Ivanka’s schedule.
“PM is to do another relaunch, we haven't had one for a few weeks. There must be some strong and stable placards in a shed somewhere?” (Angela Rayner)
Anne Marie Morris might not be an MP for much longer, but she's put herself right in the mix to be a ‘Top Gear’ presenter.
UK arms sales to Saudi Arabia are ruled lawful, as long as they don't make a profit when they sell them on to ISIS.
Reports that the Vatican has outlawed gluten-free bread are without transubstance, say insiders.
Outrage amongst Tories as Theresa May sticks to the 1% cap on the number of cabinet members she’ll listen to.
"Anne Marie Morris in the Tories" – a new expression meaning something very odious hidden in a whole load of not quite so odious things.
If Theresa May is having a relaunch, does it mean that Betty Windsor will get to hit her with a champagne bottle?
Anne Marie Morris admits she was wrong to use an old-fashioned, outdated term, saying she understands "very few people now have a woodpile".
Donald Trump’s state visit is likely to take place next year, depending on Ivanka’s schedule.
“PM is to do another relaunch, we haven't had one for a few weeks. There must be some strong and stable placards in a shed somewhere?” (Angela Rayner)
Anne Marie Morris might not be an MP for much longer, but she's put herself right in the mix to be a ‘Top Gear’ presenter.
UK arms sales to Saudi Arabia are ruled lawful, as long as they don't make a profit when they sell them on to ISIS.
Reports that the Vatican has outlawed gluten-free bread are without transubstance, say insiders.
Outrage amongst Tories as Theresa May sticks to the 1% cap on the number of cabinet members she’ll listen to.
"Anne Marie Morris in the Tories" – a new expression meaning something very odious hidden in a whole load of not quite so odious things.
If Theresa May is having a relaunch, does it mean that Betty Windsor will get to hit her with a champagne bottle?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by boatlady Wed Jul 12, 2017 11:59 am
If Theresa May is having a relaunch, does it mean that Betty Windsor will get to hit her with a champagne bottle?
I'd buy tickets for that
I'd buy tickets for that
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:43 pm
As the government announces a crackdown on ‘legal highs’, many wish they’d focus on creating ‘legal high-rises’ first.
David Davis denies Brexit will have a ‘Domino effect’, although he is expected to deliver something soggy, late and not what was ordered.
"The Grenfell Tower catastrophe has been interpreted as extreme evidence of a failed system that does not value human life." (Naomi Klein)
Donald Trump was reportedly “underwhelmed” by the Mona Lisa, saying she’s a 3 out of 10 at best.
The trajectory of Brexit is the triumph of the idiocracy, the extinguishing of the age of reason.
“About time Dr Who regenerated as a woman, but Philip Hammond wants to know why Jodie Whittaker isn't driving a train.” (Kevin Maguire)
Theresa May reveals she “shed a tear” upon hearing the election results, unlike David Cameron who “bought a shed”.
“June 2016 was a decision to move house. But we had no inkling of what our new home would look like.” (Jonathan Freedland)
David Davis denies Brexit will have a ‘Domino effect’, although he is expected to deliver something soggy, late and not what was ordered.
"The Grenfell Tower catastrophe has been interpreted as extreme evidence of a failed system that does not value human life." (Naomi Klein)
Donald Trump was reportedly “underwhelmed” by the Mona Lisa, saying she’s a 3 out of 10 at best.
The trajectory of Brexit is the triumph of the idiocracy, the extinguishing of the age of reason.
“About time Dr Who regenerated as a woman, but Philip Hammond wants to know why Jodie Whittaker isn't driving a train.” (Kevin Maguire)
Theresa May reveals she “shed a tear” upon hearing the election results, unlike David Cameron who “bought a shed”.
“June 2016 was a decision to move house. But we had no inkling of what our new home would look like.” (Jonathan Freedland)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:56 pm
“Jane Austen is one of our greatest living authors." (Andrea Leadsom)
Never has a man been so wrong about so much for so long as Liam Fox. How is he still a cabinet minister and not a dishwasher at Belmarsh?
“It’s a disgrace, it’s a doctor with two hearts who travels through time in a police box, so to make it a woman is so unrealistic.” (Mark Steel)
History would've been very different if Hess had been released. Wonder what Tony Hadley and the Kemps would've called their band?
Andrea Leadsom thinking that Jane Austen is still alive explains why Tory policies seem like they're from the 1800s.
“It’s unbelievable that May not only forgot that Labour introduced the minimum wage but that she voted against it.” (John McDonnell)
Vince Cable is the only person who wanted to lead the Lib Dems. I’m surprised there were so many.
Rumour has it that Andrea Leadsom is hoping to have another child, believing that would strengthen her case for being the next Tory leader.
What a coincidence that the Tories sneak out the higher retirement age of 68 on the same day they have people in convulsions about BBC salaries!
“Maybe they should start handicapping Federer, like they do with horses, by strapping a canoe to him to give someone else a chance.” (Mark Steel)
Andrea Leadsom is to star in Jane Austen's new drama 'Prejudice and Prejudice'.
Ming Campbell was ridiculed for being too old at the age of 66 and drummed out of the Liberal Democrat leadership. Vince Cable is 74.
Never has a man been so wrong about so much for so long as Liam Fox. How is he still a cabinet minister and not a dishwasher at Belmarsh?
“It’s a disgrace, it’s a doctor with two hearts who travels through time in a police box, so to make it a woman is so unrealistic.” (Mark Steel)
History would've been very different if Hess had been released. Wonder what Tony Hadley and the Kemps would've called their band?
Andrea Leadsom thinking that Jane Austen is still alive explains why Tory policies seem like they're from the 1800s.
“It’s unbelievable that May not only forgot that Labour introduced the minimum wage but that she voted against it.” (John McDonnell)
Vince Cable is the only person who wanted to lead the Lib Dems. I’m surprised there were so many.
Rumour has it that Andrea Leadsom is hoping to have another child, believing that would strengthen her case for being the next Tory leader.
What a coincidence that the Tories sneak out the higher retirement age of 68 on the same day they have people in convulsions about BBC salaries!
“Maybe they should start handicapping Federer, like they do with horses, by strapping a canoe to him to give someone else a chance.” (Mark Steel)
Andrea Leadsom is to star in Jane Austen's new drama 'Prejudice and Prejudice'.
Ming Campbell was ridiculed for being too old at the age of 66 and drummed out of the Liberal Democrat leadership. Vince Cable is 74.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:15 pm
"Boris Johnson is a joke that we outside the M25 have never got." (Stuart Maconie)
Tory advice for the poor: why spend money on food when you can starve for nothing?
Now Andrea Leadsom has established that Jane Austen is our greatest 'living' author at the age of 242, the Tories can declare her fit for work.
“Cameron must surely rank as the worst peacetime prime minister we have ever had.” (Melvyn Bragg)
Prince George has only just turned 4 and he's already a prince! Just shows what you can achieve if you work hard and apply yourself!
Disgraced Liam Fox says Brexit deal "will be the easiest thing in human history". David Davis says it will be harder than working for Nasa.
The popularity of Ruth Davidson as an individual politician is a legitimate, unaccountable mystery.
“Brexit in the hands of Johnson and Fox is like finding a bomb in your kitchen and the army sending Paul Gascoigne and a kangaroo to diffuse it.” (Mark Steel)
Tory advice for the poor: why spend money on food when you can starve for nothing?
Now Andrea Leadsom has established that Jane Austen is our greatest 'living' author at the age of 242, the Tories can declare her fit for work.
“Cameron must surely rank as the worst peacetime prime minister we have ever had.” (Melvyn Bragg)
Prince George has only just turned 4 and he's already a prince! Just shows what you can achieve if you work hard and apply yourself!
Disgraced Liam Fox says Brexit deal "will be the easiest thing in human history". David Davis says it will be harder than working for Nasa.
The popularity of Ruth Davidson as an individual politician is a legitimate, unaccountable mystery.
“Brexit in the hands of Johnson and Fox is like finding a bomb in your kitchen and the army sending Paul Gascoigne and a kangaroo to diffuse it.” (Mark Steel)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Wed Jul 26, 2017 11:58 pm
“The BBC does not publish the figures for radio comedy, as it wishes to shield us from intrusive pity.” (Jeremy Hardy)
As she heads out on holiday to Switzerland, Theresa May causes chaos on her EasyJet flight by reducing the number of seats for no apparent reason.
How stupid do you have to be to think the UK will get a favourable trade deal from a guy whose motto is ‘America First’?
“Obstinacy is the result of the will forcing itself into the place of the intellect.” (Arthur Schopenhauer)
A Tory MP moaning about Keir Starmer’s potential conflict of interests is like a paedophile reporting a teacher for hanging round with kids.
Experts warn that the sperm count drop “may lead to human extinction”, but for now we still have years to come.
Jared Kushner’s statement denying collusion with Russia was cut short after his pants inexplicably caught fire.
The Tories say you should be able to choose your own gender, which is great news if you’re a woman at the BBC.
If a jury trial result relied on as much misinformation as the EU vote, a mistrial would be declared and people would be charged with perjury.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." (Winston Churchill)
As she heads out on holiday to Switzerland, Theresa May causes chaos on her EasyJet flight by reducing the number of seats for no apparent reason.
How stupid do you have to be to think the UK will get a favourable trade deal from a guy whose motto is ‘America First’?
“Obstinacy is the result of the will forcing itself into the place of the intellect.” (Arthur Schopenhauer)
A Tory MP moaning about Keir Starmer’s potential conflict of interests is like a paedophile reporting a teacher for hanging round with kids.
Experts warn that the sperm count drop “may lead to human extinction”, but for now we still have years to come.
Jared Kushner’s statement denying collusion with Russia was cut short after his pants inexplicably caught fire.
The Tories say you should be able to choose your own gender, which is great news if you’re a woman at the BBC.
If a jury trial result relied on as much misinformation as the EU vote, a mistrial would be declared and people would be charged with perjury.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." (Winston Churchill)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Sat Jul 29, 2017 12:13 am
Brits have 3 months to spend old pound coins before they’re worthless, with any remaining denominations retaining their value until Brexit.
“Every time I see Trump do the impossible and sink even lower, I feel more certain that he'll get his just desserts.” (Simon Schama)
Burglars who broke into John Terry’s mansion while he was skiing in France fail to steal his Chelsea kit, as he was wearing it at the time.
“Trump/Brexit turns out to be the most incompetent revolution in political history. Neither getting anywhere, neither has a clue.” (Robert Harris)
When decisions take money from the poor, they are said to be regrettable "hard choices". When they take from the rich they are said to be "class war".
The term ‘will of the people' portrays political opponents as enemies of the people. It is a concept absolutely toxic to democracy.
Sovereignty? What sovereignty has the average person ever experienced? It's just a word being used to justify madness and greed.
“Contacting Croydon Council is considerably more difficult than arranging a cup of tea and a massage with Beyoncé.” (Mark Steel)
A former Irish PM has called Brexit “an act of insanity”. And to think the British used to make jokes about the Irish being thick!
"Hate Island - where men from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue prowl around a confined space, waiting to claw each other’s eyes out." (Jonathan Freedland)
“Every time I see Trump do the impossible and sink even lower, I feel more certain that he'll get his just desserts.” (Simon Schama)
Burglars who broke into John Terry’s mansion while he was skiing in France fail to steal his Chelsea kit, as he was wearing it at the time.
“Trump/Brexit turns out to be the most incompetent revolution in political history. Neither getting anywhere, neither has a clue.” (Robert Harris)
When decisions take money from the poor, they are said to be regrettable "hard choices". When they take from the rich they are said to be "class war".
The term ‘will of the people' portrays political opponents as enemies of the people. It is a concept absolutely toxic to democracy.
Sovereignty? What sovereignty has the average person ever experienced? It's just a word being used to justify madness and greed.
“Contacting Croydon Council is considerably more difficult than arranging a cup of tea and a massage with Beyoncé.” (Mark Steel)
A former Irish PM has called Brexit “an act of insanity”. And to think the British used to make jokes about the Irish being thick!
"Hate Island - where men from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue prowl around a confined space, waiting to claw each other’s eyes out." (Jonathan Freedland)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Jul 31, 2017 12:08 am
14 of the 15 hottest years on record have occurred since 2001. Yet that idiot Trump is withdrawing the US from the Paris Climate Agreement.
If I wanted chlorinated chicken, I'd cook it in water from my local swimming pool.
Trump and Kim Jong-un are psychopaths who aren't fit to be anywhere near the control of nuclear weapons. Both should be removed from power.
‘Sunday Times’ editor has apologised for the Kevin Myers article he accidentally commissioned, approved, edited and published.
Like some kind of Shakespearean villain-clown, Trump plays not to the gallery but to the pit.
Rough sleepers in Oxfordshire are to get £2,500 fines. That should deter them, they won’t want to use up their savings.
George Monbiot to Donald Trump: “We all know which side you’d have been on in 1789.”
Frankie Boyle: “And 1939.”
It'll be bad news for the country if Alan Sugar leaves the UK. Not sure which country it’ll be bad for, as he hasn't said where he's going.
If I wanted chlorinated chicken, I'd cook it in water from my local swimming pool.
Trump and Kim Jong-un are psychopaths who aren't fit to be anywhere near the control of nuclear weapons. Both should be removed from power.
‘Sunday Times’ editor has apologised for the Kevin Myers article he accidentally commissioned, approved, edited and published.
Like some kind of Shakespearean villain-clown, Trump plays not to the gallery but to the pit.
Rough sleepers in Oxfordshire are to get £2,500 fines. That should deter them, they won’t want to use up their savings.
George Monbiot to Donald Trump: “We all know which side you’d have been on in 1789.”
Frankie Boyle: “And 1939.”
It'll be bad news for the country if Alan Sugar leaves the UK. Not sure which country it’ll be bad for, as he hasn't said where he's going.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Tue Aug 01, 2017 6:33 pm
Delighted to see that the HIGNFY guest presenter policy has been adopted by the White House.
If Ian Botham really cared about "14 million people in this country who go without a proper feed", he wouldn't support the Tories and Brexit.
New iPhone is to feature facial recognition, including expressions for shock at price and anger at short battery life.
If Trump really stays for 4 years, every single American will have had a job in this White House chaos for a couple of days.
Johnson says "Venezuela is on the brink of disaster". Living under May's government, with hard Brexit looming, we know how Venezuelans must feel.
The High Court blocks an Iraqi general's bid to bring a prosecution against Tony Blair, in a hearing which lasted under 45 minutes.
My country wants to leave the greatest international peace project of the last 70 years. Because of fascism, racism and xenophobia.
“The shelf life of White House staff is now somewhere between milk and yoghurt." (Jacob Weisberg)
If Ian Botham really cared about "14 million people in this country who go without a proper feed", he wouldn't support the Tories and Brexit.
New iPhone is to feature facial recognition, including expressions for shock at price and anger at short battery life.
If Trump really stays for 4 years, every single American will have had a job in this White House chaos for a couple of days.
Johnson says "Venezuela is on the brink of disaster". Living under May's government, with hard Brexit looming, we know how Venezuelans must feel.
The High Court blocks an Iraqi general's bid to bring a prosecution against Tony Blair, in a hearing which lasted under 45 minutes.
My country wants to leave the greatest international peace project of the last 70 years. Because of fascism, racism and xenophobia.
“The shelf life of White House staff is now somewhere between milk and yoghurt." (Jacob Weisberg)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:45 pm
fascism, racism and xenophobia is what created the British Empire.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Wed Aug 02, 2017 5:03 pm
Buckingham Palace source: “Now we have Boris Johnson to insult foreigners, Prince Philip can retire.”
The government says it’s all for introducing breastfeeding to schools, but only as a replacement for free school meals.
As Amber Rudd demands “real action” to remove online extremist content, the Mail Online says it’s reluctant to remove its comments section.
Prince Philip is retiring before he has to be nice to Donald Trump.
Jeremy Hunt, where are these extra 21,00 mental health professionals going to come from? 'Magic mental health professional tree'?
Why is Churchill trending? Has Kay Burley just announced that he is dead?
Prince Philip retiring at 96 is no big deal. It's the same age the government will eventually raise it to for all of us.
“Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces tonight, which is disappointing.”
Amid rumours he dictated his son’s misleading statement on a Russia meeting, Trump admits that he did have a small hand in it.
Celtic fans have run amok in Sunderland and caused over £750,000 worth of improvements.
“Ah, Prince Philip carries out his final act of public racism later today. Sources hint of a comment about cannibalism to the King of Malawi.” (Mark Steel)
Tony Hall says the BBC needs to pay for top talent. So why is Chris Evans worth over 10 times as much as Simon Schama? And why is Andrew Marr paid at all?
When one door closes another opens. Trump can now replace Prince Philip as the official speaker of bigoted drivel.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who read binary and those who don't.
President Trump presents an aide with a carriage clock to celebrate 24 hours of continuous service.
The government says it’s all for introducing breastfeeding to schools, but only as a replacement for free school meals.
As Amber Rudd demands “real action” to remove online extremist content, the Mail Online says it’s reluctant to remove its comments section.
Prince Philip is retiring before he has to be nice to Donald Trump.
Jeremy Hunt, where are these extra 21,00 mental health professionals going to come from? 'Magic mental health professional tree'?
Why is Churchill trending? Has Kay Burley just announced that he is dead?
Prince Philip retiring at 96 is no big deal. It's the same age the government will eventually raise it to for all of us.
“Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces tonight, which is disappointing.”
Amid rumours he dictated his son’s misleading statement on a Russia meeting, Trump admits that he did have a small hand in it.
Celtic fans have run amok in Sunderland and caused over £750,000 worth of improvements.
“Ah, Prince Philip carries out his final act of public racism later today. Sources hint of a comment about cannibalism to the King of Malawi.” (Mark Steel)
Tony Hall says the BBC needs to pay for top talent. So why is Chris Evans worth over 10 times as much as Simon Schama? And why is Andrew Marr paid at all?
When one door closes another opens. Trump can now replace Prince Philip as the official speaker of bigoted drivel.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who read binary and those who don't.
President Trump presents an aide with a carriage clock to celebrate 24 hours of continuous service.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:26 pm
“Tasking the Brexiters with managing Brexit was like asking the winners of a debating contest to engineer a spaceship.” (Simon Kuper)
As Dubai tower block popular with wealthy British people burns down, Kensington and Chelsea Council reveals it has already rehoused them all.
50 years ago Britain withdrew from east of Suez, now it is withdrawing from east of Dover.
"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." (Desmond Tutu)
Former B of E governor Mervyn King says a few months as a supply teacher was the most exhausting job he ever had. Not the best paid one though.
"If you leave a tennis club because you don't like the rules yet still wish to play tennis, your leverage is not strong." (Vernon Bogdanor)
Trump says only those who speak proper English should be allowed into the US. That rules him out.
Brexit makes as much sense as climbing back out of the lifeboat onto the prow of the Titanic and throwing away the life jacket.
I’m thinking about Jeremy Clarkson, recovering from pneumonia in Majorca. My thoughts are with the Spanish hospital staff.
"The old have comprehensively shafted the young. And the old have had the last word about Brexit." (Vince Cable)
As Dubai tower block popular with wealthy British people burns down, Kensington and Chelsea Council reveals it has already rehoused them all.
50 years ago Britain withdrew from east of Suez, now it is withdrawing from east of Dover.
"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." (Desmond Tutu)
Former B of E governor Mervyn King says a few months as a supply teacher was the most exhausting job he ever had. Not the best paid one though.
"If you leave a tennis club because you don't like the rules yet still wish to play tennis, your leverage is not strong." (Vernon Bogdanor)
Trump says only those who speak proper English should be allowed into the US. That rules him out.
Brexit makes as much sense as climbing back out of the lifeboat onto the prow of the Titanic and throwing away the life jacket.
I’m thinking about Jeremy Clarkson, recovering from pneumonia in Majorca. My thoughts are with the Spanish hospital staff.
"The old have comprehensively shafted the young. And the old have had the last word about Brexit." (Vince Cable)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by boatlady Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:31 pm
I’m thinking about Jeremy Clarkson, recovering from pneumonia in Majorca. My thoughts are with the Spanish hospital staff.
I'm thinking about that, too - and what I'm thinking is 'What does a bloke have to do to look older than Prince Philip at only 57?'
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:27 am
Tories are appalled that Corbyn doesn't criticise Maduro. I'm appalled that May (and the Windsors) kowtow to the brutal House of Saud.
I presume Chelsea was the first team to meet its Waterloo under the new ABBA penalty shootout system?
"Let's take the £36bn we could spend on the NHS and use it to pay for our unnecessary self-harming withdrawal from the EU instead." (David Schneider)
Tories are appalled that Corbyn doesn't criticise Maduro. I'm appalled they never criticised Thatcher for her friendship of a brutal dictator.
Jeremy Clarkson: “You won’t be hearing much from me for a few weeks." No problem, sir, could you make that a few years?
Why does everyone on TV now add “going forward” to everything they say? As far as I know, no one in history has ever gone backwards in time.
New government web proposals include “the right to be forgotten” or, as it’s more commonly known, 'Nick Clegg’s Law'.
Jeremy Corbyn is not responsible for the situation in Venezuela, but the Tories are indirectly responsible for the situation in Yemen.
After missing the target in the Community Shield’s ABBA penalty shootout, fans wonder if Álvaro Morata is a waste of money, money, money.
“Hard right media whinging about police station closures and fewer officers. These people have sat back and supported the Tories for years.” (Angela Rayner)
Noticed lots of new experts in all things Venezuelan recently who this time last week thought it was the name of their local kebab shop.
Of course prisoners should be allowed to vote. Their punishment is loss of freedom, after which we want them to participate in society.
Sir Simon Fraser says “Brexit negotiations have not begun well”. He then went on to describe the maiden voyage of the Titanic as "disappointing".
“All these bloody Muslims, coming over here, winning our gold medals and saving our cricket teams.” (Alastair Campbell)
Tories are appalled that Corbyn doesn't criticise Maduro. I'm appalled Liam Fox has "shared values" with Duterte, butcher of the Philippines.
Crime rising, drug deaths rising, poverty rising, waiting lists rising, funding for tax cuts for the rich rising - support for Corbyn rising.
The new ABBA football penalty shootout system changes nothing - it's still a case of the winner takes it all.
Tory hypocrites focusing on Venezuela should be demanding that May condemns Saudis over human rights, bombing of Yemen and terrorist links.
“I've just been told of someone who was at university with Jacob Rees-Mogg, and saw him aged 18 wearing a monocle which dropped into a trifle.” (Mark Steel)
Can't help feeling that if Nicolás Maduro bought weapons from Britain with which to bomb his neighbours then the Tories would be less hostile to him.
I presume Chelsea was the first team to meet its Waterloo under the new ABBA penalty shootout system?
"Let's take the £36bn we could spend on the NHS and use it to pay for our unnecessary self-harming withdrawal from the EU instead." (David Schneider)
Tories are appalled that Corbyn doesn't criticise Maduro. I'm appalled they never criticised Thatcher for her friendship of a brutal dictator.
Jeremy Clarkson: “You won’t be hearing much from me for a few weeks." No problem, sir, could you make that a few years?
Why does everyone on TV now add “going forward” to everything they say? As far as I know, no one in history has ever gone backwards in time.
New government web proposals include “the right to be forgotten” or, as it’s more commonly known, 'Nick Clegg’s Law'.
Jeremy Corbyn is not responsible for the situation in Venezuela, but the Tories are indirectly responsible for the situation in Yemen.
After missing the target in the Community Shield’s ABBA penalty shootout, fans wonder if Álvaro Morata is a waste of money, money, money.
“Hard right media whinging about police station closures and fewer officers. These people have sat back and supported the Tories for years.” (Angela Rayner)
Noticed lots of new experts in all things Venezuelan recently who this time last week thought it was the name of their local kebab shop.
Of course prisoners should be allowed to vote. Their punishment is loss of freedom, after which we want them to participate in society.
Sir Simon Fraser says “Brexit negotiations have not begun well”. He then went on to describe the maiden voyage of the Titanic as "disappointing".
“All these bloody Muslims, coming over here, winning our gold medals and saving our cricket teams.” (Alastair Campbell)
Tories are appalled that Corbyn doesn't criticise Maduro. I'm appalled Liam Fox has "shared values" with Duterte, butcher of the Philippines.
Crime rising, drug deaths rising, poverty rising, waiting lists rising, funding for tax cuts for the rich rising - support for Corbyn rising.
The new ABBA football penalty shootout system changes nothing - it's still a case of the winner takes it all.
Tory hypocrites focusing on Venezuela should be demanding that May condemns Saudis over human rights, bombing of Yemen and terrorist links.
“I've just been told of someone who was at university with Jacob Rees-Mogg, and saw him aged 18 wearing a monocle which dropped into a trifle.” (Mark Steel)
Can't help feeling that if Nicolás Maduro bought weapons from Britain with which to bomb his neighbours then the Tories would be less hostile to him.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:34 pm
Why is the BBC trotting out Lord Lawson to talk about climate change again? Why not interview the pelican crossing lady instead?
The Tories’ plan for training doctors and nurses is based on Billy Bunter's postal order. It's always arriving in the future.
Brexit means nothing more than getting the UK away from the EU's universal rights culture and over to the pay-as-you-go culture of the US.
With news that maternity wards were forced to close 382 times last year, Jeremy Hunt denies he is going through a midwife crisis.
John Humphrys: “We have neither the time nor the inclination to debate the intricacies of Brexit.” Thanks BBC, that’s the reason we’re in this mess.
Jeremy Corbyn must condemn houses joined on to each other or forever be known as a terrace sympathiser.
The government admits that 60,000 bodies will have to be exhumed to make way for HS2. No doubt they'll also be declared fit for work.
What is democracy? Winning through lies and deceit? A vote denied to those most affected? Forcing through monumental change on a marginal result?
After that performance from Lord Lawson, for balance I expect ‘Radio 4 Today’ to bring on a flat-earther next time they discuss air travel.
It's 43 years this week since a president of the United States resigned. Isn't it about time that another one did?
John Humphrys is a man who could interrupt himself in an empty room.
“Tony Blair and I both went to Fettes College in Edinburgh. Tony went for the education, and I delivered the milk.” (Sean Connery)
The Tories’ plan for training doctors and nurses is based on Billy Bunter's postal order. It's always arriving in the future.
Brexit means nothing more than getting the UK away from the EU's universal rights culture and over to the pay-as-you-go culture of the US.
With news that maternity wards were forced to close 382 times last year, Jeremy Hunt denies he is going through a midwife crisis.
John Humphrys: “We have neither the time nor the inclination to debate the intricacies of Brexit.” Thanks BBC, that’s the reason we’re in this mess.
Jeremy Corbyn must condemn houses joined on to each other or forever be known as a terrace sympathiser.
The government admits that 60,000 bodies will have to be exhumed to make way for HS2. No doubt they'll also be declared fit for work.
What is democracy? Winning through lies and deceit? A vote denied to those most affected? Forcing through monumental change on a marginal result?
After that performance from Lord Lawson, for balance I expect ‘Radio 4 Today’ to bring on a flat-earther next time they discuss air travel.
It's 43 years this week since a president of the United States resigned. Isn't it about time that another one did?
John Humphrys is a man who could interrupt himself in an empty room.
“Tony Blair and I both went to Fettes College in Edinburgh. Tony went for the education, and I delivered the milk.” (Sean Connery)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by boatlady Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:35 pm
Jeremy Corbyn must condemn houses joined on to each other or forever be known as a terrace sympathiser
Love that!
Love that!
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:32 pm
“It’s like condemning violence on both sides when the Nazis invaded Poland. Trump has emboldened the Nazis.” (David Schneider)
Of 85 deadly US terror attacks since 9/11, far-right-wing extremists were responsible for 62, Islamic extremists for 23.
“Thatcher was as much to blame for Jimmy Savile as the BBC.” (Noel Edmonds)
Wish Trump could find the same anger for murderous Nazis as he did for Nordstrom after it stopped selling his daughter's handbags.
"Democracy did not end on 23 June 2016. The referendum will be no excuse if the country is driven off a cliff." (David Miliband)
Trump says North Korea should be “very, very nervous” as Twitter still haven’t ruled out removing the character limit.
CCTV is to be made compulsory in all abattoirs in England, enabling inspectors to have a butcher’s.
"Take a good look in the mirror, Mr Trump, and remember it was white Americans who put you in the presidency." (David Duke, ex-KKK leader)
My dad taught me that all of the upper class were only in that position because their ancestors were bigger gangsters than mine.
If Trump had been president when Hitler invaded Poland: "We condemn this egregious hatred and violence on many sides. On many sides." (David Schneider)
Leaving the EU after 40 years is the equivalent of complex and delicate brain surgery. Yet we've sent a blind man armed with a rusty nail.
Just as Trump won't speak out against white supremacists (aka trailer trash), our 'strong and stable' leader won't say a word against Trump.
"I have found, sir, that Mr Rees-Mogg combines the mentality of Mr Cheesewright with the intellectual capacity of Mr Fink-Nottle."
£44,000 of taxpayers’ money has been donated to Jeremy Hunt’s flush fund.
"No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin or his background or his religion." (Nelson Mandela)
Of 85 deadly US terror attacks since 9/11, far-right-wing extremists were responsible for 62, Islamic extremists for 23.
“Thatcher was as much to blame for Jimmy Savile as the BBC.” (Noel Edmonds)
Wish Trump could find the same anger for murderous Nazis as he did for Nordstrom after it stopped selling his daughter's handbags.
"Democracy did not end on 23 June 2016. The referendum will be no excuse if the country is driven off a cliff." (David Miliband)
Trump says North Korea should be “very, very nervous” as Twitter still haven’t ruled out removing the character limit.
CCTV is to be made compulsory in all abattoirs in England, enabling inspectors to have a butcher’s.
"Take a good look in the mirror, Mr Trump, and remember it was white Americans who put you in the presidency." (David Duke, ex-KKK leader)
My dad taught me that all of the upper class were only in that position because their ancestors were bigger gangsters than mine.
If Trump had been president when Hitler invaded Poland: "We condemn this egregious hatred and violence on many sides. On many sides." (David Schneider)
Leaving the EU after 40 years is the equivalent of complex and delicate brain surgery. Yet we've sent a blind man armed with a rusty nail.
Just as Trump won't speak out against white supremacists (aka trailer trash), our 'strong and stable' leader won't say a word against Trump.
"I have found, sir, that Mr Rees-Mogg combines the mentality of Mr Cheesewright with the intellectual capacity of Mr Fink-Nottle."
£44,000 of taxpayers’ money has been donated to Jeremy Hunt’s flush fund.
"No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin or his background or his religion." (Nelson Mandela)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:40 pm
Donald Trump scraps his proposed border wall in favour of a huge fence he can sit on when asked to denounce Nazis.
David Davis is like a man attempting to clean his car in the fast lane of the M1. A danger not only to himself but to everyone else as well.
Following his delayed response to Charlottesville, Trump says “before I make a statement I need facts”, so he knows exactly what to contradict.
Paul Mason is asked: “Where is the Magic Money Tree?” He responds: “It's in the Bahamas where Amber Rudd has two accounts.”
Brexit boneheads still talk about "taking back our country". If you're not one of the top 1%, it hasn't been yours for the last 1,000 years.
Sometimes I worry about an asteroid hurling towards earth, but then I remember Trump will probably get us all killed long before it arrives.
David Davis: "I'm not going to do the negotiations on air." We can add that to the list including "in Brussels" and "successfully".
Trump denies he took too long to denounce Nazis, and that he's shocked they've invaded Poland.
Went in for a selection of nuts, a few radishes and a fruitcake. Came out with a list of UKIP leadership candidates.
Trump: “Mexicans are bad, Muslims are bad, media is bad.”
Everyone: “What about Nazis?”
Trump: “Let's not single anyone out.”
David Davis is like a man attempting to clean his car in the fast lane of the M1. A danger not only to himself but to everyone else as well.
Following his delayed response to Charlottesville, Trump says “before I make a statement I need facts”, so he knows exactly what to contradict.
Paul Mason is asked: “Where is the Magic Money Tree?” He responds: “It's in the Bahamas where Amber Rudd has two accounts.”
Brexit boneheads still talk about "taking back our country". If you're not one of the top 1%, it hasn't been yours for the last 1,000 years.
Sometimes I worry about an asteroid hurling towards earth, but then I remember Trump will probably get us all killed long before it arrives.
David Davis: "I'm not going to do the negotiations on air." We can add that to the list including "in Brussels" and "successfully".
Trump denies he took too long to denounce Nazis, and that he's shocked they've invaded Poland.
Went in for a selection of nuts, a few radishes and a fruitcake. Came out with a list of UKIP leadership candidates.
Trump: “Mexicans are bad, Muslims are bad, media is bad.”
Everyone: “What about Nazis?”
Trump: “Let's not single anyone out.”
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:01 pm
Don't it make you feel proud to be British?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:14 pm
Was it this table that ordered braised aliens?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Aug 21, 2017 12:14 am
Jacob Rees-Mogg reveals he has 48 Tory backers for his leadership bid, but so far he’s only asked his children.
Donald Trump’s Charlottesville remarks split the Republican Party, with some sighing and saying nothing and others just saying nothing.
5% (and rising) of people in Tory Britain own at least two houses, 40% (and rising) don't even own one.
Boys performed 0.5% better than girls in this year’s A-Levels, thus justifying them going on to earn 40% larger salaries.
“Fascists kill innocent people to turn us against each other. They won't succeed. Not in Barcelona, not in Charlottesville. Not now, not ever.” (Brendan Cox)
David Davis has been described as “a drunken bully”. To be fair they're two of his better qualities.
Nigel Lawson makes as much sense on climate change as he did over Brexit. Basically bugger all.
Theresa May says she abhors racists, yet she’s invited a fascist to come to the UK for a state visit.
“We're on the deck of the Titanic, heading for an iceberg called Brexit, and MPs are arguing over what the band should play....on a big bell.” (David Schneider)
Can we have crowdfunding to buy me a new radio and window? I foolishly listened to Melanie Phillips, Roger Scruton and Ruth Lea on the BBC today.
Brexit means that the UK is the first country in history to have voted for economic sanctions on itself.
Socialism doesn’t meant taking wealth from those who work hard and giving it to those who don’t. You’re thinking of capitalism.
Donald Trump’s Charlottesville remarks split the Republican Party, with some sighing and saying nothing and others just saying nothing.
5% (and rising) of people in Tory Britain own at least two houses, 40% (and rising) don't even own one.
Boys performed 0.5% better than girls in this year’s A-Levels, thus justifying them going on to earn 40% larger salaries.
“Fascists kill innocent people to turn us against each other. They won't succeed. Not in Barcelona, not in Charlottesville. Not now, not ever.” (Brendan Cox)
David Davis has been described as “a drunken bully”. To be fair they're two of his better qualities.
Nigel Lawson makes as much sense on climate change as he did over Brexit. Basically bugger all.
Theresa May says she abhors racists, yet she’s invited a fascist to come to the UK for a state visit.
“We're on the deck of the Titanic, heading for an iceberg called Brexit, and MPs are arguing over what the band should play....on a big bell.” (David Schneider)
Can we have crowdfunding to buy me a new radio and window? I foolishly listened to Melanie Phillips, Roger Scruton and Ruth Lea on the BBC today.
Brexit means that the UK is the first country in history to have voted for economic sanctions on itself.
Socialism doesn’t meant taking wealth from those who work hard and giving it to those who don’t. You’re thinking of capitalism.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:46 pm
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From the pages of today's Independent
by oftenwrong Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:50 pm
"The Foreign Office is warning British travellers not to travel to North Korea, because of the instability in the region and the unpredictability of the regime in Pyongyang."
No shit, Batman?
No shit, Batman?
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:42 pm
As the search continues after the US ship/oil tanker collision, Trump says his thoughts are with the oil companies at this difficult time.
“Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” (Arthur Smith)
Surely the best way that Stephen Pound, Jacob Rees Mogg and Theresa May could honour Big Ben would be to follow its example.
Reckless motorists are a bigger danger than drugs. The first you can't avoid if you're a driver, the second you never have to go near.
“Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh, went to private school and have loads of money?” (Annie McGrath)
USA was plunged into darkness. Then a few months after the inauguration there was an eclipse.
2016 UK exports ($bn): India 4.5, Australia 5.4, Canada 6.3, Japan 6.6, China 18.3, USA 62.3, EU 203.2. Spot the problem? It’s called Brexit.
"My original instinct was to pull out", says Trump. What a pity that his father didn't think along the same lines.
George Osborne cut millions from northern council budgets when he was chancellor, yet we're supposed to believe he cares about the region.
Total eclipse, two minutes of darkness. That should have been Melania Trump’s chance to escape.
Brexit - unworkable solutions to non-existent problems which have been invented by charlatans and voted for by fools.
“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” (Frankie Boyle)
“Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” (Arthur Smith)
Surely the best way that Stephen Pound, Jacob Rees Mogg and Theresa May could honour Big Ben would be to follow its example.
Reckless motorists are a bigger danger than drugs. The first you can't avoid if you're a driver, the second you never have to go near.
“Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh, went to private school and have loads of money?” (Annie McGrath)
USA was plunged into darkness. Then a few months after the inauguration there was an eclipse.
2016 UK exports ($bn): India 4.5, Australia 5.4, Canada 6.3, Japan 6.6, China 18.3, USA 62.3, EU 203.2. Spot the problem? It’s called Brexit.
"My original instinct was to pull out", says Trump. What a pity that his father didn't think along the same lines.
George Osborne cut millions from northern council budgets when he was chancellor, yet we're supposed to believe he cares about the region.
Total eclipse, two minutes of darkness. That should have been Melania Trump’s chance to escape.
Brexit - unworkable solutions to non-existent problems which have been invented by charlatans and voted for by fools.
“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” (Frankie Boyle)
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Fri Aug 25, 2017 1:22 pm
Net migration falls as our Tory government succeeds in making the UK a miserable place to live.
“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” (Tiff Stevenson)
Trump says he'll do whatever it takes to get that Mexican wall built, as part of his campaign to ‘Make America Grout Again’.
“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again I hate all change.” (Ken Cheng)
Learn from Theresa - appoint inept politicians like Boris Johnson to detract from your own deficiencies.
"I've absolutely no intention of being friends with Tory MPs. I'm disgusted at the way they’re running this country." (Laura Pidcock MP)
As Wayne Rooney retires from international duty, Gareth Southgate admits there’s no obvious replacement to occasionally score in friendlies.
“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” (Alexei Sayle)
Boris Johnson thinks Theresa May was wrong to call the June election. I thought the cabinet agreed the decision unanimously.
“Brexit is making the country poorer”, says George Osborne, whose policies made people poorer and led many of them to vote for Brexit.
As Birmingham city centre bans violent gangs, they announce they’re also considering making crime illegal.
Mark Twain: "To succeed in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence." Boris Johnson has both in spades.
“Turns out I left the third world and landed in the Third Reich.” (Trevor Noah, on his return to the USA from South Africa)
UK net migration is at its lowest for three years. At last, crops can be left to rot, the NHS can collapse, businesses can go under!
"Politicians in Libya need to suppress their own selfish interests", says Boris Johnson, offering advice on uniting a country. Such irony.
“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” (Tiff Stevenson)
Trump says he'll do whatever it takes to get that Mexican wall built, as part of his campaign to ‘Make America Grout Again’.
“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again I hate all change.” (Ken Cheng)
Learn from Theresa - appoint inept politicians like Boris Johnson to detract from your own deficiencies.
"I've absolutely no intention of being friends with Tory MPs. I'm disgusted at the way they’re running this country." (Laura Pidcock MP)
As Wayne Rooney retires from international duty, Gareth Southgate admits there’s no obvious replacement to occasionally score in friendlies.
“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” (Alexei Sayle)
Boris Johnson thinks Theresa May was wrong to call the June election. I thought the cabinet agreed the decision unanimously.
“Brexit is making the country poorer”, says George Osborne, whose policies made people poorer and led many of them to vote for Brexit.
As Birmingham city centre bans violent gangs, they announce they’re also considering making crime illegal.
Mark Twain: "To succeed in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence." Boris Johnson has both in spades.
“Turns out I left the third world and landed in the Third Reich.” (Trevor Noah, on his return to the USA from South Africa)
UK net migration is at its lowest for three years. At last, crops can be left to rot, the NHS can collapse, businesses can go under!
"Politicians in Libya need to suppress their own selfish interests", says Boris Johnson, offering advice on uniting a country. Such irony.
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Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Aug 28, 2017 11:43 pm
"Hard to pick a single low point of the Trump presidency, but the KKK now feel relaxed enough to march without their hoods." (Frankie Boyle)
Football is like a religion to some people, but isn't it a step too far to have Jesus playing for Manchester City and Moses playing for Chelsea?
“Brexit was like the UK got drunk and accidentally unfriended Europe on Facebook.” (Leo Kearse)
Rumour has it that a man trying to get into Buckingham Palace was a certain Charles Wales, who is fed up waiting to take over the tenancy.
Trump's motivations are self-aggrandisement and money. In Texas he'll get confused by rescuers motivated by neither.
“After Mayweather against McGregor, we should have Ronnie O'Sullivan against the world radiator bleeding champion.” (Mark Steel)
To call Simon Dean a journalist is like calling Vinny Jones a Shakespearian actor.
Rumour has it that Arsenal are playing so badly at present because Theresa May has been giving them their pre-match talk.
“Owner of Butlins spent £500k trying to convince us to leave the EU, but we shouldn’t ask why he might want foreign holidays to become more expensive.” (Nathaniel Tapley)
Plans are announced to test self-driving lorries on English roads next year, following the successful trial of a rudderless ship by the Tory Party.
Embarrassing to see that halfwit David Davis on the television, supposedly representing the UK in Brussels. It's so obvious that he's thick.
“I voted Remain, not just for political reasons but because my mum’s moved to Spain and I want her to stay there.” (Leo Kearse)
Tottenham has drawn Real Madrid in the Champions League. Meanwhile Arsenal is expected to announce plans for a new toilet block.
Every time the pound plummets against the euro, Nigel Farage’s salary for doing nothing (which is paid in euros) becomes worth more.
"Trump's Twitter feed reads like he’s building up a credible insanity defence for when he’s finally impeached." (Frankie Boyle)
Football is like a religion to some people, but isn't it a step too far to have Jesus playing for Manchester City and Moses playing for Chelsea?
“Brexit was like the UK got drunk and accidentally unfriended Europe on Facebook.” (Leo Kearse)
Rumour has it that a man trying to get into Buckingham Palace was a certain Charles Wales, who is fed up waiting to take over the tenancy.
Trump's motivations are self-aggrandisement and money. In Texas he'll get confused by rescuers motivated by neither.
“After Mayweather against McGregor, we should have Ronnie O'Sullivan against the world radiator bleeding champion.” (Mark Steel)
To call Simon Dean a journalist is like calling Vinny Jones a Shakespearian actor.
Rumour has it that Arsenal are playing so badly at present because Theresa May has been giving them their pre-match talk.
“Owner of Butlins spent £500k trying to convince us to leave the EU, but we shouldn’t ask why he might want foreign holidays to become more expensive.” (Nathaniel Tapley)
Plans are announced to test self-driving lorries on English roads next year, following the successful trial of a rudderless ship by the Tory Party.
Embarrassing to see that halfwit David Davis on the television, supposedly representing the UK in Brussels. It's so obvious that he's thick.
“I voted Remain, not just for political reasons but because my mum’s moved to Spain and I want her to stay there.” (Leo Kearse)
Tottenham has drawn Real Madrid in the Champions League. Meanwhile Arsenal is expected to announce plans for a new toilet block.
Every time the pound plummets against the euro, Nigel Farage’s salary for doing nothing (which is paid in euros) becomes worth more.
"Trump's Twitter feed reads like he’s building up a credible insanity defence for when he’s finally impeached." (Frankie Boyle)
Ivan- Administrator (Correspondence & Recruitment)
- Posts : 7321
Join date : 2011-10-07
Location : West Sussex, UK -
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:06 am
Theresa May causes a security scare in Japan as she tries to leave a robotics factory, setting off twelve alarms.
The Brexit talks are the first substantial trade negotiations in living memory to convene with the explicit purpose of creating barriers.
As Liverpool buys a midfielder who won't play until 2018, critics point out that Arsenal has an entire defence that hasn’t played this season.
The EU is a much larger economy. The reason so many Japanese companies were in the UK in the first place was to get access to the EU market.
"I don't believe Harvey is God's punishment for Houston electing a lesbian mayor. But it is more credible than climate change." (Ann Coulter)
25% of people who voted for Brexit think they were lied to. The other 75% will get there eventually.
Labour MP says she can't be friends with a Tory. That’s probably her easiest decision of all time.
Theresa May - a PM with no ideas, big or small, who demands five years to implement them.
I remember when Grant Shapps was the embarrassing secret of the Conservative Party, not its voice of reason.
After Jean-Claude Juncker accuses the UK of Brexit "ambiguity", David Davis says he might have a point, or might not.
In the 1980s, Conservative youth wanted to “hang Mandela”. In 2017, they want to “gas chavs”. Is that progress?
"I have served under nine UKIP leaders, four of whom were Nigel Farage." (Gawain Towler)
History isn't May's strong point or she wouldn't be a Brexiteer, and the last right-wing politician to say “I'm not a quitter” was Nixon.
Has Michael Howard really been on the radio? In daylight?
It wouldn't surprise me if both John Humphrys and Nick Robinson ran in the next Tory Party leadership election.
Citizens of flood-hit Houston say they’re unimpressed with Donald Trump’s pledge to “drain the swamp”.
May has agreed with Japan's PM, not just that the priority trade deal is the EU-Japan deal, but that it will then form the basis of a UK deal.
Grant Shapps was on ‘Today’. Has any party ever had so many ministers and ex-ministers whose names can be prefixed with ‘disgraced’?
"Activate sprung up spontaneously in a surge of youthful enthusiasm for working without a contract and having nowhere to live." (Mark Steel)
Theresa May's ‘achievement’ is to visit Japan and come away with nothing, not even a ‘10% off sushi’ voucher.
The Brexit talks are the first substantial trade negotiations in living memory to convene with the explicit purpose of creating barriers.
As Liverpool buys a midfielder who won't play until 2018, critics point out that Arsenal has an entire defence that hasn’t played this season.
The EU is a much larger economy. The reason so many Japanese companies were in the UK in the first place was to get access to the EU market.
"I don't believe Harvey is God's punishment for Houston electing a lesbian mayor. But it is more credible than climate change." (Ann Coulter)
25% of people who voted for Brexit think they were lied to. The other 75% will get there eventually.
Labour MP says she can't be friends with a Tory. That’s probably her easiest decision of all time.
Theresa May - a PM with no ideas, big or small, who demands five years to implement them.
I remember when Grant Shapps was the embarrassing secret of the Conservative Party, not its voice of reason.
After Jean-Claude Juncker accuses the UK of Brexit "ambiguity", David Davis says he might have a point, or might not.
In the 1980s, Conservative youth wanted to “hang Mandela”. In 2017, they want to “gas chavs”. Is that progress?
"I have served under nine UKIP leaders, four of whom were Nigel Farage." (Gawain Towler)
History isn't May's strong point or she wouldn't be a Brexiteer, and the last right-wing politician to say “I'm not a quitter” was Nixon.
Has Michael Howard really been on the radio? In daylight?
It wouldn't surprise me if both John Humphrys and Nick Robinson ran in the next Tory Party leadership election.
Citizens of flood-hit Houston say they’re unimpressed with Donald Trump’s pledge to “drain the swamp”.
May has agreed with Japan's PM, not just that the priority trade deal is the EU-Japan deal, but that it will then form the basis of a UK deal.
Grant Shapps was on ‘Today’. Has any party ever had so many ministers and ex-ministers whose names can be prefixed with ‘disgraced’?
"Activate sprung up spontaneously in a surge of youthful enthusiasm for working without a contract and having nowhere to live." (Mark Steel)
Theresa May's ‘achievement’ is to visit Japan and come away with nothing, not even a ‘10% off sushi’ voucher.
Ivan- Administrator (Correspondence & Recruitment)
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Join date : 2011-10-07
Location : West Sussex, UK -
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:46 am
Suspicion arises that Rooney and Trump may be sharing a brain
oftenwrong- Sage
- Posts : 12062
Join date : 2011-10-08
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by oftenwrong Sat Sep 09, 2017 5:18 pm
Twitter hilariously mocks Trump's 'Federal G' tweet about Hurricane Irma:
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/style/federal-g-in-da-house-twitter-hilariously-mocks-trumps-federal-g-tweet-about-hurricane-irma/ar-AArxt9T?li=BBoPOOm&ocid=mailsignout
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/style/federal-g-in-da-house-twitter-hilariously-mocks-trumps-federal-g-tweet-about-hurricane-irma/ar-AArxt9T?li=BBoPOOm&ocid=mailsignout
oftenwrong- Sage
- Posts : 12062
Join date : 2011-10-08
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Sep 18, 2017 3:27 pm
In September 1666, the Great Fire of London broke out. There were many casualties, but both Jacob Rees-Mogg and David Starkey survived.
“Brexit represents the defeat of complex truth in the face of simple lies.” (Craig Oliver)
Melvyn Bragg says that Cameron is the worst peacetime prime minister we have ever had. Theresa May is determined to prove him wrong.
Boris Johnson angrily denies the misuse of statistics but admits accusations that he is “two-faced” are probably underestimates.
Wayne Rooney's 6 points for drink driving takes him above Everton in the Premier League table.
Theresa May showing yet again just how weak and pathetic she is by failing to boot Boris Johnson's fat arse out of her government.
“Crystal Palace came close to scoring a couple of times. I reckon they'll hit the post by December.” (Mark Steel)
Boris Johnson shares with Trump more than a ridiculous hairstyle; both narcissists have character flaws which make them unfit to hold office.
Despite the Brexit lies, Britain, unlike Catalonia, has always retained its sovereignty. We didn't need permission to hold an EU referendum.
Vince Cable thinks it's possible he could become PM. That's even less likely than Crystal Palace scoring a goal.
Jacob Rees-Mogg: "Boris has revived the romantic vision of Brexit we so desperately need". Who needs reality, when fantasy is so much better?
ISIS can't hold on to its caliphate, but it can make a bucket explode. We should tremble before its might!
“Brexit represents the defeat of complex truth in the face of simple lies.” (Craig Oliver)
Melvyn Bragg says that Cameron is the worst peacetime prime minister we have ever had. Theresa May is determined to prove him wrong.
Boris Johnson angrily denies the misuse of statistics but admits accusations that he is “two-faced” are probably underestimates.
Wayne Rooney's 6 points for drink driving takes him above Everton in the Premier League table.
Theresa May showing yet again just how weak and pathetic she is by failing to boot Boris Johnson's fat arse out of her government.
“Crystal Palace came close to scoring a couple of times. I reckon they'll hit the post by December.” (Mark Steel)
Boris Johnson shares with Trump more than a ridiculous hairstyle; both narcissists have character flaws which make them unfit to hold office.
Despite the Brexit lies, Britain, unlike Catalonia, has always retained its sovereignty. We didn't need permission to hold an EU referendum.
Vince Cable thinks it's possible he could become PM. That's even less likely than Crystal Palace scoring a goal.
Jacob Rees-Mogg: "Boris has revived the romantic vision of Brexit we so desperately need". Who needs reality, when fantasy is so much better?
ISIS can't hold on to its caliphate, but it can make a bucket explode. We should tremble before its might!
Ivan- Administrator (Correspondence & Recruitment)
- Posts : 7321
Join date : 2011-10-07
Location : West Sussex, UK -
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Ivan Mon Sep 18, 2017 11:52 pm
“Boris is Boris” is fine if you're talking about a senile cat that messes everywhere, but not about a man you appointed foreign secretary, Theresa.
The UK will spend years trying to get tariff-free trade with other countries while abandoning hassle-free trade with nearest neighbours.
Harry Redknapp is football's Boris Johnson, loved by the media but with bugger all real career achievements.
A new £10 note enters circulation with an added security feature – it’s virtually worthless overseas.
Theresa May's snap election cost taxpayers £140m, which is roughly £11.6m for every seat the Tories lost.
The new Apple iPhone comes with Face ID, meaning it can easily recognise the idiot who spent £1,000 on it.
All May’s government has managed in a year is to go from "Brexit means Brexit" to "Boris is Boris".
“Support Brexit or be quiet” is the language of dictatorships, not democracy.
No Boris is better than a bad Boris.
"May's government is driven from the front. We just don't know the direction." (John Crace)
As the government is accused of not doing enough to help the homeless, it points out that it’s let a squatter live at 10 Downing Street since June.
The Boris Johnson threat level has been raised from ‘Blonde Bumblegit’ to ‘Lying Shitenado’.
Many Premiership players are still wanting moves, including Costa from Chelsea, Sanchez from Arsenal, and Rooney from the spare bedroom.
Boris is Boris,
May is May,
If you don't stop me
I'll do this all day.
Jacob Rees-Mogg denies he’s too old-fashioned to be a minister, according to a leaked telegram delivered by a Cockney messenger boy.
I’m sick of people excusing Boris Johnson's ridiculous antics and remarks by saying “Boris is Boris”. He's a 53–year-old man, not a child.
Can anyone name one member of this appalling and rudderless Tory government who has even a modicum of talent or competence?
Boris Johnson is the seventh Tory cabinet minister to be rebuked by the UK Statistics Authority since 2010.
The more I hear and see of Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg, the more I'm convinced Eton should be in special measures.
“Working with David Cameron was like being stuck in a cage with a demented gorilla.” (Nick Clegg)
The UK will spend years trying to get tariff-free trade with other countries while abandoning hassle-free trade with nearest neighbours.
Harry Redknapp is football's Boris Johnson, loved by the media but with bugger all real career achievements.
A new £10 note enters circulation with an added security feature – it’s virtually worthless overseas.
Theresa May's snap election cost taxpayers £140m, which is roughly £11.6m for every seat the Tories lost.
The new Apple iPhone comes with Face ID, meaning it can easily recognise the idiot who spent £1,000 on it.
All May’s government has managed in a year is to go from "Brexit means Brexit" to "Boris is Boris".
“Support Brexit or be quiet” is the language of dictatorships, not democracy.
No Boris is better than a bad Boris.
"May's government is driven from the front. We just don't know the direction." (John Crace)
As the government is accused of not doing enough to help the homeless, it points out that it’s let a squatter live at 10 Downing Street since June.
The Boris Johnson threat level has been raised from ‘Blonde Bumblegit’ to ‘Lying Shitenado’.
Many Premiership players are still wanting moves, including Costa from Chelsea, Sanchez from Arsenal, and Rooney from the spare bedroom.
Boris is Boris,
May is May,
If you don't stop me
I'll do this all day.
Jacob Rees-Mogg denies he’s too old-fashioned to be a minister, according to a leaked telegram delivered by a Cockney messenger boy.
I’m sick of people excusing Boris Johnson's ridiculous antics and remarks by saying “Boris is Boris”. He's a 53–year-old man, not a child.
Can anyone name one member of this appalling and rudderless Tory government who has even a modicum of talent or competence?
Boris Johnson is the seventh Tory cabinet minister to be rebuked by the UK Statistics Authority since 2010.
The more I hear and see of Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg, the more I'm convinced Eton should be in special measures.
“Working with David Cameron was like being stuck in a cage with a demented gorilla.” (Nick Clegg)
Ivan- Administrator (Correspondence & Recruitment)
- Posts : 7321
Join date : 2011-10-07
Location : West Sussex, UK -
Re: Favourite 'tweets'
by Phil Hornby Tue Sep 19, 2017 9:07 am
"...roughly £11.6m for every seat the Tories lost."
Worth every last penny...
Worth every last penny...
Phil Hornby- Blogger
- Posts : 4002
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Location : Drifting on Easy Street
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