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Planning for the end

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Planning for the end

Post by whitbyforklift on Mon Jul 08, 2013 9:11 am

I have not been on here for a while. I have been planning my own funeral.
I will start at the beginning.
About 9 years ago I was diagnosed with a blood condition called CLL.
I was monitored for a time then had to have chemotherapy in tablet form.
It worked, I was in remission for 5 years.
Then after a bone marrow biopsy it was confirmed that it was back.
This time the plan was the same treatment as before but with a added infusion.
Then a major setback. I found my wife's sister murdered in her flat (man in prison for 37 years)
We had so much to do that chemo was put on hold.
To cut a long story short, treatment did not work.
In Feb this year illness took a turn for the worse.
In and out of hospital.
I have just had intensive steroid treatment by drip. They want me to carry on with this.
I said if I feel up to it. It has side effects, one being weakening the heart.
I am usually about 13 to 14 stone in weight. I am now about 9 stone.
If it comes to it as it will, my GP has arranged at my request for me to die at home.
Had enough of hospitals.
My funeral is long paid for on one of those plans.
My good friend witchfinder is conducting the non-religious service.
The reason I have put this on here is because I would like your feedback.
Have I made the right decision? Should I carry on with treatment no matter what?
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by boatlady on Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:17 pm

Whitbyforklift
At the end of the day, whatever you decide will be what's right for you. Only you can say when the reduced quality of your life justifies stopping treatment which may prolong it.

I guess the terrible shock of your sister in law's death, on top of the shock of finding your illness had returned, may have made you rethink your priorities; and I do know how soul destroying long-term hospital treatment and chronic illness can be, until you feel there's no pleasure in anything any more.

If that's how you're feeling, no-one has any right to tell you you're wrong. If there are still parts of your life that bring you happiness, maybe it's worth going through more treatment to prolong that happiness.

I can't advise you - only hold you in the light and wish you strength and joy however you choose to continue your journey.
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by whitbyforklift on Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:19 pm

Thank you boat lady. you have made me think a bit more about it.
I have just got back from seeing consultant who as talked me into more
treatment starting next Monday. If no more side effects I may carry on.
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whitbyforklift
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by boatlady on Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:52 pm

Good luck
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by astradt1 on Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:19 pm

My thoughts are with you Whit....

As a nurse I care for people who are deemed in end of life care and this has caused me to think about what i would want if and when I reach that stage...I firmly believe that the individual will know when it is time to say good bye.
To me this is when the Quality of Life has gone and there is only suffering and pain..
I hope that you next round of Chemo is helpful and that you have a few more years of Quality Life left to enjoy....
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by tlttf on Mon Jul 08, 2013 6:18 pm

Like astradt1 and boatlady, I hope the treatment works. My thoughts are with you.

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Re: Planning for the end

Post by oftenwrong on Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:03 pm

Soldier on, wfl. You alone will know when the game is no longer worth the candle.

Go ahead and start that 5000-piece jigsaw.
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by Jack7 on Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:07 pm

whitbyforklift wrote:I have not been on here for a while. I have been planning my own funeral.
I will start at the beginning.
About 9 years ago I was diagnosed with a blood condition called CLL.
I was monitored for a time then had to have chemotherapy in tablet form.
It worked, I was in remission for 5 years.
Then after a bone marrow biopsy it was confirmed that it was back.
This time the plan was the same treatment as before but with a added infusion.
Then a major setback. I found my wife's sister murdered in her flat (man in prison for 37 years)
We had so much to do that chemo was put on hold.
To cut a long story short, treatment did not work.
In Feb this year illness took a turn for the worse.
In and out of hospital.
I have just had intensive steroid treatment by drip. They want me to carry on with this.
I said if I feel up to it. It has side effects, one being weakening the heart.
I am usually about 13 to 14 stone in weight. I am now about 9 stone.
If it comes to it as it will, my GP has arranged at my request for me to die at home.
Had enough of hospitals.
My funeral is long paid for on one of those plans.
My good friend witchfinder is conducting the non-religious service.
The reason I have put this on here is because I would like your feedback.
Have I made the right decision? Should I carry on with treatment no matter what?
 
 
We dwell on planet earth for a very short time (ninety years compared to eternity is not even a small speck of light).
While on this cruel planet we become institutionalised.
For all of its ugliness and worthlessness we DO not want to leave it.
Have you seen the film “the Shawshank Redemption”.
In it the old lag does not want to leave prison.
I regard my short time here as like a goldfish in a bowl;.
That bowl is planet earth that like a siren call beguiles us into thinking that it all there is.
Unlike you I do not know if I have a condition that might be the end of me here.
I might well have a fatal condition because I am old.
I prefer not to know.
Not because I am stupid or avoiding the truth. More that I am pragmatic.
I have run the long marathon.
It has been mostly painful.
I know for certain that my sell by date has expired.
I’m not interested in trying to prolong my stay here.
Leaving here will be the last GREAT adventure.
I know ABSOLUTLY that I will continue. But most certainly not in that childish idea of Heaven and Hell.
You want to cling on here.
I am ready (truthfully) to let go and move on.
Oblivion is NOT an option.
The fear of death is irrational because we will all die.
I made a decision that I would leave if my being here made my live unacceptable.
I would say that my leaving here will be the absolute best time in my life here.
……………………………….........
My guess is that the previous will not be of comfort to you.
And I feel for you.
If you could enter my mind you would know and understand.
The truth would remove your fear.
I have let go to all the things that bind me here.
I have NO ties here.
Philosophically my bags are packed and I now exist between two states.
Being here and not being here.
I guess that this will be a surprising reply.
Think and consider my words.
My best wishes to you.
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by oftenwrong on Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:36 pm

Lily-livered politicians vacillate over the question of euthanasia whilst Mother Nature rubs our noses in the unfortunate reality of individuals living beyond the point where both Health AND the money run out.

Is someone going to acknowledge the false position we find ourselves in?
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Re: Planning for the end

Post by Ivan on Sat Nov 30, 2013 6:43 pm

Whitbyforklift died on 17 November. I hope you will all understand why, as a mark of respect, I am locking his thread.
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Re: Planning for the end

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