Women, God bless them

How do you figure out women? On the 22nd of Oct I will have been married 28 years,for the life of me I cannot remember breaking 4 mirrors.
As the late great Les Dawson would have said,"I remember it like it was yesterday, I wish it was tomorrow. Iwould cancel it".
Someone once said marrage is an institution,but who wants to live in an institution.
There are tons more of these sayings. All funny and all wrong.I would not change one minute of it.
My best man was none other than Witchfinder,one of the founders of this forum.
So all things considered the world would be a worse place without them (Mrs Thatcher not counted).
If there is one.GOD BLESS THEM ALL.

married almost 22 years myself...I can offer no advice on women other than to not expect them to think in any way resembling your own thinking.

Don't speak before you think, just don't speak!

28 years? What a bunch of amateurs.   Mrs. Gator and I have made 43 trips around the sun as man and wife and look forward to a great many more.
 
but Mr. Forklift, women were put on this earth, not to be figured out but to be enjoyed.
 
Ever hear that oldie about the world's shortest book? It's 328 empty pages and the title is What Men Know About Women.
 
Jeff Foxworthy has a saying that is probably old history stuff down in the south and it has a large grain of truth to it - If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
 
Got that? It has been known to work.
 
gator

I treat Water Gas and electricity like they are women - WARILY

I once heard it said that a woman is like a hurracane.
When she comes she nearly lifts the roof.
When she goes she takes the house and the car.

Natalie Woods death 30 years ago was deemed as an accident, now the Captain of Robert Wagner's yacht says they all lied about what had happened. Police have opened up the case again, but say Wagner is not a suspect. After hearing what the captain says, he is the only suspect, he refused to use the searchlight on the yacht to search the water, after she had supposedly fallen overboard. He also refused them to inform the authorities about her going into the water. The captain also goes on to say Wagner and Natalie had been falling out before she went overboard. They were instructed by Wagner to what to say about the incident, i am curious to find out why the captain is saying this after 30 years. How long was it before he stopped working for Wagner, that is if he is no longer working for him. Strange to develop a conscience after all this time, i know she drowned, but their story sounded a bit fishy to me at the time.
Now then, has any one any opinions about this, i am curious to see what other people think. Do you think Wagner will be serving time this time next year.

Perhaps some Publisher has convinced Captain Dennis Davern that there could be a lucrative book and film contract on this 30th. anniversary of the tragedy.

I suppose it will be ok to use this thread for what i have to say, it's about women.

I was reading in this mornings paper about American football, a league played by women only. While millions tuned into the superbowl to watch the Giants and the Patriots, the L A Temptations and the Philadelphia Passions was playing in Las Vegas. The L A Temptations won, what was so unusual was they were both ladies teams, but it was there attire that interested me. Knickers, bra, knee pads and helmets, with what looked like cotton wool shoulder pads, more skin showing than what you would see in a nudist colony. They made their male counterparts look like a bunch of wimps, couldn't see the Giants and Patriots taking to field dressed like that. Just like our own ladies football and rugby teams, the ladies play harder than the men. No rolling round on the ground when they have been fouled, holding their legs or whatever, they get back up and get stuck in. I have never been interested in watching American football, always thought it a game for wimps and sissies, but i think i would love to see the women play. They looked great in their team kits in the pictures in the newspaper.

looking at the picture, Jack, these wummin are smiling!! Playing a SPORT and ENJOYING THEMSELVES!! What on earth can that be about?


If the gladiators on the field are enjoying themselves, then those watching have to be getting their moneys worth!

Football? Men?? bunch of Primulas (Long since they was Pansies!)

the L A Temptations and the Philadelphia Passions

What horrible names for their teams. The Temptations? Seriously?

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After all, aren't women tempting? And passionate?

Certainly, but so are men.

Those names just play into female stereotypes. You wouldn't see a man's football team called the Philadelphia Jigalos or the New York Studs.

Most professional sports teams took their names from a characteristic of their cities. For instance, Pittsburgh Steelers, Miami Dolphins, or New England Patriots.

The New York Dodgers (baseball, I know) actually took their name from back in the days when street cars still ran; people and cars were always having to dodge them.

Now you'll be ready just in case you get a spot on Jeopardy and they ask that question.

New York Dodgers? Don’t let an old Brooklyn Dodgers’ fan hear you say that!

LOL! Yes, it is indeed Brooklyn. I thought "New York" sounded wrong.

Now't wrong with being called Temptations or Passions, all the ladies looked very tempting to me, and a bet they play with a passion too. Now what's this, being called cougars, jaguars, lions, and tigers. I know men think they are animals, but it all sounds a bit catty to me.

The women that are called cougars are middle aged, (you know, getting on a bit). Now my missus is 77 years old, never been a cougar, always a little pussy cat. Tiger's are found in India and Sumatra, cougar's (puma's) are found in North America, i think you would find that the tiger would starve if it relied on eating cougar's.

Moonbeam says.
More specifically, Jack, cougars are older women who like younger men.

A bit different to young women that like rich old men then. Are these female cougars rich.

Florence Green as just died, two weeks short of her 111 birthday, she must be the last surviver of World War One, she served in the then newly established Womens Royal Air Force. She might not have been a hotshot pilot, but did deserve a bit more recognition, her passing was hidden in the middle pages of the newspaper. They say old soldiers don't die, they just fade away, well i believe in her case, she should not have faded away in the middle pages, but gone out with a bang on the front page. Other old male world war one veterans have always made the front page, and TV, but not poor Florence.

Now, just to bring this thread back into vogue,

I would like to express my extreme gratitude and thanks to the lady (Sue Barker) who



Blew yon GO COMPARE guy out of his annoying boots!

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Are these female cougars rich.

In my younger days Jack, LBM - Loooong Before Marriage, I found them to be

Very good

Very thankful

and kept their mouths closed in company - did not broadcast their 'exploit'

I remember upon being assigned a room in Single Officers Quarters on military service with 2nd. TAF in Germany, discovering the following message written directly upon the inside of a drawer ....

While you're here make the acquaintance of Fraulein ***** who works in the Cookhouse. She's rather naughty and well over 40, so she won't yell, she won't tell, and is grateful as well.

after being married 3 times I think I can say I have no understanding of the female sex or they have no understanding of me. ha ha

Numbers 2 and 3 confirm the victory of optimism over experience.

My husband is not a mystery to figure out... I know what makes him tick. Only 3 years to our marriage... seems forever long though.

Forever in a good way, I hope?

Epitaph to a foul-tempered wife.

Should she have gone to realms above,
Farewell to peace and heavenly love.
But if she's sought the lower level,
The Lord have mercy on the Devil. OOOOP'S


After two goes in 77 years, I'll stay on my own. Unless......someone knows a forty year old, slim, redheaded, woman seeking to slave for a man.

Slightly non-PC there, Poacher?

Marriage doesn't work out for everyone, sadly - when it does there's no better institution
(Waiting now for the jokes about who wants to live in an institution )

oftenwrong wrote:Slightly non-PC there, Poacher?

Politeness and courtesy. Ah, those were the days when a man would treat a lady with courtesy, and a lady wouldn't tell him to .... of, but politely decline his offer.

Politically Correct? Tell that epitaph in a night club, in the right atmosphere, and you might get a laugh. To the same audience on the High Street, nothing. In a political rally, horror.
Treating human beings as human beings is politically correct. Treating men and women the same is politically correct. Political correctness has gone beserk. Can I tell a joke about a priest and be politically correct, and not get excommunicated? Can a Priest castigate his congregation for their sin and be politically correct and not have an egg thrown at him?

I'm too old for political correctness. Let's hope at the crematorium they remember to be politically correct and announce me as an ex agnostic, ex atheist, with leanings to a Confucian form of Taoist Buddhism and Tanakh teaching. That'll teach them Political correctness.