Favourite 'tweets'

by **Ivan** Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

First topic message reminder :

For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-

Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.

No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.

by **Ivan** Tue May 28, 2013 11:32 pm

So George Osborne, after you've sold off everything and taken us out of the EU, what's the next part of your brilliant plan?

Christine Hamilton is an anagram of 'Hitler in macintosh'.

Dennis Skinner voted for equal marriage, while more than half of Tory MPs opposed. Let's remind ourselves who Cameron refers to as a dinosaur.

If you think health and safety management is expensive, then try an accident: fines, legal expenses, compensation, they all add up!

Cold caller knocked on my door and asked if I wanted a conservatory. Told him I wanted to see the back of them all, not to protect one.

Is there any other country in the world that thinks it’s a good idea to sell off all of its infrastructure to foreign governments and companies?

Christians, Moslems and Jews – do you really believe Bronze Age nomadic goat-herders knew more than you and had higher morals?

“It’s no wonder we are run by losers like Cameron and the paddock-thief Osborne, when too many people believe what passes as news.” (Sonia Poulton)

A bloke on ‘Newsnight’ wants to re-introduce wolves into Britain. I'm pretty sure they’ve returned already, back in May 2010.

Some EDL thugs are saying that only one person did a Nazi salute at the Cenotaph, so it would be wrong to blame all of them. Such irony.

by oftenwrong Tue May 28, 2013 11:56 pm

"Is there any other country in the world that thinks it’s a good idea to sell off all of its infrastructure to foreign governments and companies?"

But at least the British Network Rail can be assured of uninterrupted power supplies from Electricite de France now.

by **Ivan** Sat Jun 01, 2013 2:45 pm

Wonder if UKIP supporters realise that the Euromillions is a lottery, not a reference to Romanians and Bulgarians coming to Britain in 2014?

ONS data shows that the richest 10% in the UK have 43.8% of the wealth. So what have the Tories done about it? Cut income tax for millionaires.

The EDL is proof that some people’s mothers clearly went paddling in the shallow end of a stagnant gene pool.

It’s cost us billions to reorganise the NHS, just so the Tories can open it up to money-grubbing private health companies.

Donald Trump has suggested that the death penalty would make potential suicide bombers think about the consequences.

Nigel Farage is on the EU Fisheries Committee, yet he's only attended one of 30 meetings. Is that UKIP's idea of protecting Britain’s interests?

EDL members probably think Ramadan is a gay sex act.

BREAKING - Mary Cameron to send note to the Speaker, saying that her little boy caught a cold on holiday and can't attend PMQT for 6 months.

If Putin sends arms to Assad and Hague sends arms to the Syrian rebels, will it provide a level killing field?

I’ve just sent a strongly worded message to the EDL, complaining about rising energy prices.

First the Tory EU headbangers, now Patrick Mercer - doing their best to remind us of those impotent and sleazy last days of John Major.

Coldest spring in 50 years caused by weather from the mainland of Europe. Expect UKIP to seize on that as another reason to leave the EU.

by boatlady Sun Jun 02, 2013 9:04 pm

Donald Trump has suggested that the death penalty would make potential suicide bombers think about the consequences.

(can't find the one for wetting your knickers)

by **Ivan** Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:13 am

Cameron will not be ‘sunk’ by the sex scandal. In fact he's been seen dressed in full underwater gear, two oxygen tanks and a pair of flippers.

Hard to believe, but Assad's government has warned Syrian citizens that it's not safe to travel to Turkey.

Boris Johnson would make a brilliant Doctor Who. Then he could give up politics, a win-win situation!

Bankers destroy economy, so Tories make poor pay for the collapse. Business, lords and MPs cheat behind the scenes, so Tories blame unions.

They say crime doesn't pay......unless you're running a privatised prison.

This government is dangerous - fixed 5-year term, tried to rig boundaries and end automatic voter registration, now targeting opposition income.

“Sex with JFK was the most exciting fifteen seconds of my life.” (Angie Dickinson)

Unelected Lord Geoffrey Dear says that the equal marriage bill was "ill thought through and had no democratic legitimacy”.

Half a million people are reliant on food banks. Cameron says that’s a great example of the 'Big Society'. I say it's a bloody disgrace.

When Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta Jones, did he bite off more than he can chew?

Iain Duncan Smith wants wealthy pensioners to give back their winter fuel payments. Then he can have even more lavish breakfasts.

If we brought in mandatory oral and literacy tests in English for all UK citizens, how many EDL members would qualify for deportation?

by **Ivan** Fri Jun 07, 2013 11:44 pm

Good to see the government is paying £20m to people tortured in Kenya. Maybe next they'll compensate those abused by Duncan Smith and ATOS.

David Hartnett, the head of tax at HMRC who let Starbucks and Vodafone off billions in tax, now works for Deloitte, which works for Vodafone.

Theresa May: "Beggars and thieves from across Europe are flocking to Britain". The thieves are Tory privateers and their policies create beggars.

Cameron's legacy will be that so much damage was done to so many people by so few millionaire toffs.

I feel sorry for the BNP. The EDL are taking over their jobs and they can't even blame it on immigrants.

Cameron at PMQT is a rarer sight than Lord Lucan riding a unicorn.

Only difference from 1963 is that The Great Train Robbery occurs every time we have to go and buy a ticket.

BBC peddling Tory propaganda by saying that one-third of government expenditure goes on 'welfare'. 43% of that is the state retirement pension.

Ain't it time they sealed off 'Coronation Street' as a crime scene?

BBC reported how people in a refugee camp for Syrians are dependent on handouts for food. Tragic - just like half a million people in Tory Britain.

If you were under the impression that BBC staff are left wing, you were wrong. Observe the gormless, bovine expressions as they meet the Queen.

Before going on to the Bilderberg meeting, Cameron spoke to the Scottish Conservatives. He got a rapturous reception from all four of them.

by **Ivan** Mon Jun 10, 2013 9:07 pm

I hope the next Dr Who doesn't come from UKIP. If he does, he will only be able to travel backwards in time.

I see that 'The Sun', which has often published pictures of topless teenage girls, is keen for the government to act on child pornography.

"Disabled people's conditions change over time", says Esther McVey. Grow new arms and legs, do they? Tories certainly don't change over time.

Sorry to disappoint UKIP members, but foreign cows that have been attacking ramblers in Sussex are not unemployed panto actors from Romania.

In 1993, just as now, Tories were fighting over the EU and mired in sleaze. Tim Yeo reminds us that even some of the personnel were the same.

Advice to the EDL: show the hard right in a more sympathetic light by suggesting some mosque burnings are the result of spontaneous human combustion.

168,000 children in poverty to lose free school lunches. I suppose someone has to pay for the millionaires' tax cut.

UKIP members should ensure they have a balanced view by engaging with a number of different sources - 'Mail Online', 'The Express' and a bloke down the pub.

Tim Yeo complains about being secretly recorded. Hasn't William Hague explained to him that if he has nothing to hide he has nothing to fear?

Ever thought of showing your opposition to the 'EU gravy train' by becoming a UKIP MEP and pocketing a massive salary for doing sod all?

by boatlady Mon Jun 10, 2013 9:22 pm

Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have.

Margaret Mead

by **Ivan** Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:39 pm

Posted on Twitter today by Tory MP Andrew Selous: “Strongly support the loss of benefits unless claimants lean English.”

by **Ivan** Mon Jul 01, 2013 12:31 am

“Delighted to attend launch of Croydon Foodbank. Vital service in difficult times. If you want to donate/volunteer I'll pass on your details.” (Gavin Barwell, Tory MP)

Boris Johnson is like those free toys with Happy Meals. Looks funny, makes you laugh for five minutes, but bloody dangerous if swallowed intact.

Polly Toynbee on borrowing to finance house building: "A national mortgage for an asset is not the same as splurging on a big night out."

I'm waiting for Osborne to abolish tax for everyone over average height. After all, Tories believe that only little people should pay taxes.

"Capitalism has defeated communism. It is now well on its way to defeating democracy." (David Korten)

What is the point of the government holding a summit on the growing payday loan crisis when the Tory Party is funded by Wonga?

"How can you say you believe in the afterlife and weep at the finality of death?" (Ian McEwan)

“We value all life”, said Governor Rick Perry, shortly before overseeing Texas’s 500th execution since capital punishment was resumed in 1976.

Many people can’t afford a pot to pee in, but £100k is being spent on refurbishing two toilets in the House of Lords. Are they taking the piss?

“A vast majority of people do not think £65,000 a year salary is a lot of money.” (Andrew Bridgen, Tory MP)

"No one ever rode to power on such blatant untruths as Cameron – greenest, most family-friendly and no frontline cuts." (Polly Toynbee)

Osborne wants the UK to be “a model of slimmed-down government”. Eric Pickles seems embarrassed about the idea.

by **Ivan** Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:07 pm

“Labour need to say: we'd rather be bankrolled by millions of, say, supermarket workers and bin collectors, than hedge funds and bankers.” (Owen Jones)

Shirley Williams, defender of the 'free at point of need' NHS, proposes new charges for GP visits and prescriptions for pensioners.

“The demand for food banks has nothing to do with the benefits squeeze.” (Lord Freud)

As military tanks near the presidential palace, Egyptian protesters shout "Down with Iain Duncan Smith!"

“Am I alone in finding it ironic that the Tories sent Michael Green (aka Grant Shapps) onto the airwaves to condemn alleged dodgy practices?” (Owen Smith MP)

The Tory Party accepted 744 donations totalling £20 million from private health firms who now benefit from the NHS carve-up and who pay £0.00 tax.

“Constant breakdowns, open platforms that never open, and a top deck hot enough to warp vinyl. Boris's new buses really are worth every penny.” (Adam Bienkov)

Cameron says Ed Miliband is “too weak" to stand up to working people, aka unions. Funny that Cameron doesn’t stand up to his City donors.

It takes approximately 40,000 ants to equal one human brain; yet they can still run a colony better than the Republican Party.

Zak Goldsmith offered to resign his seat so Boris could become an MP again and oust Cameron. Is that how constituency parties should work?

When Cameron promised us ‘The Big Society’, I think he meant to say ‘The Beg Society’.

"The increased pauperisation and privatisation of Britain would not be happening if unions were stronger." (Mark Seddon)

Much of the human race has been conditioned to worship the rich. It is psychological abuse and must stop.

Cameron dares to call Ed Miliband "weak", yet despite being pro-EU, he allows far-right Tories and UKIP to dictate his agenda on Europe.

“The rich are exploiters, there is no if or but about it, their wealth comes from your work, their luxuries come from your hard labour.” (Gore Vidal)

Farage must be on holiday at the moment - no doubt somewhere nice in Europe with his German wife.

More evidence of Cameron's callousness: “High benefits mean food banks should not be needed”.

Danny Alexander thinks that ID cards are an invasion of liberty, but he has no problem with the government reading all your emails.

"People who are poorer should be prepared to take the biggest risks; they've got the least to lose." (Lord Freud)

If the NHS is “in trouble”, it’s because private equity and hedge funds have marked it for death - and in its demise lie great profits.

Cameron dares to call Ed Miliband "weak", yet he dropped policies on minimum pricing for alcohol and cigarette packaging for Lynton Crosby.

“Dictatorship is when someone tells the people what to do. Democracy is when the people get to choose who tells them what to do.” (Frankie Boyle)

by **Ivan** Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:21 pm

Opting in is an interesting idea. I'd like to not to have to opt in to my mandatory Tory Party donation on every loaf of Warburton's bread.

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it.” (Henry Ford)

Twitter asks if I want to follow UK Independence Party. Where? Into a blind alley filled with misogynists, racists and 'Little Englanders'?

The immoral, self-centred, spiteful Tories live in Downton Abbey – while they push us into Downtrodden Alley.

Can someone explain to me how, in a democratic system, Kate Middleton's child gets to be a taxpayer-funded unelected head of state some day?

Boris Johnson says "women only go to university to find a man to marry".

Zimmerman was presumed innocent until proven guilty of murder. Trayvon Martin was presumed guilty until proven innocent of walking.

The many people who've been satisfactorily treated in hospitals will realise the extent of the Tory dirty tricks campaign against the NHS.

Let's apply the 'dentist test': which party leader would you trust most with a drill?

Can the BBC stop calling unions “Labour's paymasters”, while describing Tory funders as ”donors”?

“A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.” (Elbert Hubbard)

Despite BoE governor Mark Carney's $1.3 million annual salary, his wife has groused that she couldn’t find a place to live in pricey London.

Cameron hates unions because they’re full of working class people. When you're trying to protect a privileged elite, that's very scary.

“Had a gun-toting Trayvon Martin stalked an unarmed George Zimmerman, and then shot him to death......do I even need to complete this sentence?” (Michael Moore)

Traces of cocaine have been found in nine toilets in Parliament. Has the price of cocaine gone up? Is that why MPs need a pay rise?

Despite facing police probe, G4S gets government contract to provide lie detectors. Some employees may soon get the opportunity to test them.

28 years ago we were trying to ‘feed the world’. Today food banks are trying to feed close to half a million people in Tory Britain.

No justice for Trayvon, but a black woman in Florida gets 20 years for firing warning shots to stop her abuser.

Why don't we run down the NHS financially, say that it's no good, privatise it, make shareholders rich and sod everyone else?

Is there a lesson here? In Carlisle in 2010, 990 people either voted Green or TUSC. The Tories gained the seat with a majority of 853.

There are fewer teenage mums now than at any time in our history. The council flat pregnancy is a Tory myth and has been for many years.

Anyone who thinks Royal Mail privatisation a good thing, and believes the mantra “more competition means lower prices”, should just think gas and electric.

If Iain Duncan Smith can’t discuss his benefits cap without getting angry, it shows he doesn't have confidence in his own lies.

Never mind who elected Herman Van Rompuy, who voted in Lizzie?

It’s official – only 96% of Tory funding comes from bankers, big corporations and tax dodgers.

by **Ivan** Sun Jul 28, 2013 12:20 pm

The BBC steadfastly ignored real news and wasted many hours on the non-story of William Windsor's heir falling out.

Plain cigarette packets would provide more space for the Tory government to draft its policies.

Benefit scroungers Will and Kate have a 10-bedroom house at Sandringham and a 20-room apartment in London. How will they afford the bedroom tax?

"The real issue for the government is not making work pay, but making work exist." (Mark Serwotka)

I’m really confused as to how planning decisions can be made in Ireland without the interference of an heir to a throne.

312 million Americans are being held hostage by radical extremists on Capitol Hill.

Food banks, ATOS incompetence, NHS privatisation all go unreported, yet the birth of another drain on the taxpayer is top priority news.

By urging immigrants to “go home”, this Tory government has stooped to legitimising an old National Front slogan.

What? The Brazilian economy has overtaken us, despite not having a monarchy to provide income from tourism? How can this be?

Cameron wants all internet porn to go – unless of course the Tories get a £250k donation from ‘Babestation’ and ‘Hustler’.

It's sad to hear monarchists doing down our country, saying we can't be equal, we can't be democratic. Can’t we aspire to something better?

I think I've sworn more in the last three years and two months than I have in the rest of my life. I wonder why that is?

Can’t understand how the German economy functions without a royal family to negotiate with sheiks in the Middle East.

An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.

I wonder how much maternity leave Kate Middleton will take before she goes back to doing nothing?

When a couple turn up at the local food bank, I doubt if they think internet access to porn is the biggest thing spoiling the lives of their kids.

Nicholas Witchell is a sad specimen. He's spent years fawning over so-called royals, but they think he’s “awful”.

According to CNN International host Jonathan Mann, humans hunted the dildo to extinction.

When the royals start caring about the growing number of food banks, homelessness and the NHS going down the drain, I will take note of them!

IDS, who invented the bedroom tax, lives in a £2 million mansion which has five bedrooms. He opposes Labour’s mansion tax proposal.

Queen Mum 101, Phil Windsor 92 not out, Ma Windsor 87 not out....note the innings you get if you have the best of everything and do sod all.

There are more giant pandas in Scotland than Tory MPs.

“362,000 babies will be born today, all of them of equal worth, none greater than any other.” (George Monbiot)

If Cameron wants to block access to websites that harm children, how can we access the Tory Party website?

"Villeins ye are, and villeins ye shall remain", said 14-year-old King Richard II in 1381. Seems as if most people are still happy with that.

Cameron is a parasite, feeding off the success of others at sport to try to make himself look less like a walking disaster of a PM.

Keir Hardie in 1894, on the birth of future traitor Edward VIII: “He will be surrounded by sycophants and taught to believe himself to be superior."

You want to protect children's innocence, Dave? How about you start by not making so many of them live in poverty?

Charles Windsor thinks you need "natural ability" to be head of state. Hasn't the pompous ass ruled himself out then?

The Bullingdon boys have gone from trashing property to wrecking people's lives. They’ve immatured with age.

France, a republic, gets 80 million tourists. The UK, with its royal family, gets 29 million.

Tories and UKIP try to claim that our laws are decided in Brussels. EU didn't make Iain Duncan Smith persecute the poor, sick and disabled.

In the UK tonight, over 2 million children have gone to bed in households too poor to provide everything they need. Why doesn’t the BBC focus on that?

Want to give yourself a nightmare? Try to imagine the scale of sleaze and corruption if Cameron gained another five years in power in 2015.

Those who love our dynastic royal family can hardly criticise the ridiculous dynasty in North Korea.

"Like any pack of bullies, the Conservative Party likes to prove its strength by picking on the weakest people within reach." (Laurie Penny)

I’m sure lots of couples would like to move into a home where £1 million has been spent on renovations, courtesy of taxpayers.

If Cameron was really concerned for children, and not just causing another distraction, surviving Tory paedophiles from the 80s would be behind bars.

We Brits mustn't “get above our station in life”, according to that dreary idiot who is heir to the throne.

UK will forego £8.5 billion in tax by not signing up to the European Financial Transaction Tax.

Cameron is so interested in promoting sport that he'll now let you pay £30 an hour to play football in Hyde Park.

"I wish the baby the same chance to become a democratically-elected head of state as any other individual." (Natalie Bennett)

Cameron wants to block porn (which can already be blocked by filters), but page 3 (provided by his boss Murdoch and easily seen by kids) is apparently okay.

“Talked to two ex-BBC friends. They had no idea NHS blood plasma had been sold to a US asset-stripping company. What's happened to our media?” (Marcus Chown)

Royal baby won't create "feel good factor" for Cameron - ONS statistics show 40 consecutive months of contraction in real wages in UK.

Cameron is having three summer holidays, while millions of struggling Britons have to stay in their homes (if they still have one).

We should go to the polls to find out our future head of state, not to a maternity ward.

by **Ivan** Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:33 pm

Having Grant Shapps as a spokesman for business is like having Paddington Bear in charge of the UK Border Agency.

Tories pursue class politics in the 'national interest'. When we do likewise we’re called 'militant extremists'.

Never forget that the Tories weren't voted in by the electorate. They were invited in by the Lib Dems.

Tories preach self-reliance, but it doesn’t seem to apply to the royal family, who rely totally on the state for their lavish lifestyle.

Nick Clegg is opposed to the racist van ‘Go Home’ campaign. What a pity that he isn’t Deputy PM and able to do something about it.

Agatha Christie said women should marry an archaeologist (as she did). The older you get, the more he will take an interest in you.

Having a hand-to-mouth wage slave workforce is the ultimate goal of capitalism.

Tories tell us there are two million people on social housing waiting lists, but they’d rather evict the disabled than build more houses.

Of course it was a fair election in Zimbabwe! At least 120% of the population voted for Mugabe.

Once a patient becomes a commodity, we fail them. When a person becomes a profit margin, we fail as a society.

Turtles can breathe out of their backsides. That’s incredible, considering most Tories can only talk out of theirs.

People who are in the top 10% of the world's wealthiest people have 63 times more than those in the bottom 10%.

Cameron’s not even a very good PR man. He’s too much of a psycho to even fake emotion convincingly.

There’s no Tory self-reliance for wealthy tax avoiders who rely on the state for a lavish lifestyle.

With his pint and cigarette, wealthy public school toff and City trader Farage pretends to be the 'bloke down the pub' who talks common sense.

Cameron says he wants to block internet porn, then the hypocrite entertains porn baron Richard Desmond at Chequers.

If members of this government were like Pinocchio, their noses would enter the House of Commons minutes before their bodies did.

The Coalition Agreement pledged to reduce the 'cost of politics'. I fail to see how expanding the unelected second chamber helps.

The next time your wife says "we're having my parents for lunch", just let your imagination run away...

The place to stop illegal immigrants is at passport control. Randomly stopping people and asking for papers is what we fought a war over.

Has the UK ever had a Prime Minister less fit for purpose than the sleazy, corrupt, pathological liar known as David Cameron?

When asked if they would have sex with Boris Johnson, 93% of women in London said "not again".

by boatlady Mon Aug 05, 2013 8:17 am

Having a hand-to-mouth wage slave workforce is the ultimate goal of capitalism

By that yardstick, the current government are right on target

by **Ivan** Sat Aug 24, 2013 2:39 pm

To err is human. But to really foul things up you need Iain Duncan Smith.

If Cameron went to ATOS with his bad back, would they tell him: “Sod off, you're fit for heavy duty work”?

‘Daily Mail’ exclusive - shock as 100% of asylum seekers are revealed to be foreign.

29 Tory and Lib Dem MPs who voted for the bedroom tax claim a subsidy so that their children can stay in their second homes.

It's silly that Gibraltar is ours by virtue of 300-year-old agreement. It'd be like the Isle of Wight belonging to Spain.

How strange that there wasn't so much NHS coverage on the BBC when the Tories and Lib Dems set about destroying it!

Don't steal. Your government hates competition.

So we have laws which allow detention without access to lawyers to protect us from those who wish to destroy our rights and liberties.

Cut public spending - throw people out of work - reduce their purchasing power - borrow more to pay their benefits. Insanity.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse – Cameron (war), Osborne (pestilence), Duncan Smith (famine) and Hunt (death).

Toffs enjoy murdering wild animals because it validates their position at the top of the food chain - the power to negate existence.

Gibraltar is another chance for Cameron to jump on the jingoistic band wagon to distract everyone from his numerous failings.

When Tories say the BBC is "left-wing", they probably mean "it employs non-white people" and "allows women to speak".

How can we tolerate a British government that encourages people to be racist and hate those in need?

With 500,000 starving Brits relying on foodbanks, it can’t be long before Médecins Sans Frontières and the Red Cross start work in the UK.

The 36% who voted for a bunch of socially uneducated Eton and Bullingdon millionaires got what they deserved. The rest of us didn’t.

Publishing soon – “How I took Britain and created Malice in Wongaland” by David Cameron.

Where there's a will, there's a relative.

Tories increase VAT like night follows day. They will do it again after the next election if they get the chance.

I remember the days when you could be reasonably sure the Tories would at least stop screwing you over once you had died.

This country is being feasted upon by parasites, but they're not on council estates, they're in country estates.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Tories will help millionaires buy a second home - subsidised by cuts to those poor people who have a second bedroom.

Cameron complains about the Spanish delaying motorists at the Gibraltar border – then an innocent person is detained for nine hours at Heathrow.

UKIP’s Godfrey Bloom is a racist and serial misogynist who frequently makes offensive remarks. He must have modelled himself on Philip Windsor.

Doesn’t Cameron belong to the class that believes in the 'honourable exit'? Isn’t it time he put a gun to his head?

“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.” (George Carlin)

Wonders never cease! The BBC has actually reported that UK wages have suffered the worst fall of anywhere in the EU - 5.5% since 2010.

William Hague says the Zimbabwe election result "doesn't reflect the views of its people". That's something we have in common then.

MPs have a long summer recess and Cameron has four vacations. At the same time, Gove is decrying the length of school holidays.

I wonder if the Traditional Britain Group has ever thought that black Britons might like Tories to leave the UK, for all the use they are?

by **Ivan** Mon Sep 09, 2013 4:43 pm

If Scotland votes for independence, are there any plans to have 'Go Home' vans looking for illegal Tories in the country?

Cameron says the UK is "the main leader in helping people in crisis". Tell that to those needing food banks and those who can't afford the bedroom tax.

In the spirit of the Sarah Teather announcement, I'm ruling myself out of the Tour de France next year.

Cameron made up a new word during PMQs – ‘pluralastic’. It means the ability to be flexibly two-faced.

Disappointing to see Jamie Oliver reheating ready-made opinions rather than opting for fresh ones.

Michael Gove says children do better at school if they have their own bedrooms. So how does he explain his support for the bedroom tax?

It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. There's clearly room for more wine.

If the Tories are so fussed about promoting democracy, they should be focusing on our own warped system first.

Don’t you think that Malcolm Rifkind looks like one of the more serious actors from a 1940s Ealing comedy?

Charles Windsor used to get lampooned for talking to flowers. Now he has plants working for him in Whitehall.

From the way the corrupt Tories reward their donors, they should be in prison not in government.

Ed Miliband's ability to set the political weather from opposition is nearly as remarkable as the media narrative's ability to ignore it.

In 1963, Martin Luther King had a dream. In 2013, Barack Obama has a drone.

Wonga donates money to the Tory Party, the Tory Party creates more poor people, Wonga makes bigger profits. Simple!

Was the latest Gibraltar spat just an excuse to place ships and subs in the Med in preparation for an attack on Syria?

The extraordinarily weak recovery is from Osborne's deliberate vandalism of the economy. He inherited growth and obliterated it.

A 16-year-old can sleep with an MP, marry an MP but not vote for an MP. Is that absurd?

Take from the poor, who spend in the economy, and give to the rich, who put their money in tax havens. That's called Etonomics.

In Cameron logic, if Ed Miliband is “giving succour to Assad and the Russians”, doesn't action against Assad do the same for the Al-Qaeda rebels?

How is it that police can find the time to harass badger cull protesters but not to monitor illegal foxhunting?

Michael Gove relaxed the rules on class sizes - and the number of infant classrooms with more than 30 pupils has doubled in the past year.

With so many famous people in jail or heading there, it gives a whole new meaning to “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here!”

I reckon a lot of Tories had to hand back bribes from lobbyists for arms companies after the parliamentary vote on Syria.

Cameron has no idea of the suffering in the UK, yet he claims to understand the plight of people in Syria! How?

Note to Jamie Oliver - humble pie is an excellent palate cleanser for getting rid of the taste of foot.

Cameron is so thick that I find it incomprehensible that he has a university degree. Were 'Skullion's Scholars' around in his day?

If we attacked all countries which have obnoxious governments, our troops would be invading Whitehall and Downing Street.

by oftenwrong Mon Sep 09, 2013 8:00 pm

"Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?"
inaccurately ascribed to King Henry II but resulting in the demise of The Archbishop of Canterbury, and is the first recorded "tweet" to have survived 850 years.

In the Autumn of 2013, will no one rid us of this oppressive Coalition?

by boatlady Mon Sep 09, 2013 8:19 pm

Are you hoping for a similar result, OW?
And some deathless verse to commemorate it?

by oftenwrong Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:53 am

The dampener is speculating what might replace our Tory tormentors.

by **Phil Hornby** Tue Sep 10, 2013 7:37 pm

My suspicion is that the torment will continue - supplied by a renewed Tory Party which will have persuaded the gullible British public that they were 'not so bad after all'...

by oftenwrong Wed Sep 11, 2013 9:35 am

Teacher's going to get cross if we hijack the "tweets" thread to talk about Tory prospects, so I'll put my bag of sand down on the Economics thread, which is where I think the next Election will be won or lost.

https://cuttingedge2.forumotion.co.uk/t5p280-who-is-right-about-the-british-economy

by **Phil Hornby** Wed Sep 11, 2013 9:51 am

Quite right - mea culpa...

by boatlady Wed Sep 11, 2013 7:28 pm

http://t.co/JAjKQhr4d7
The people don't know their true power

by **Ivan** Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:22 pm

Tories care so much for ‘hard-working people’ that their austerity measures have left them £1,500 a year worse off.

The nation has a jobs crisis for young people and the cost of living is rising rapidly, but Nick Clegg's priority is plastic bags.

"Poor forced to use food banks? They've only got themselves to blame for making bad decisions." (Michael Gove)

When the United Nations condemns your country's "shocking" treatment of its own people, you should feel ashamed and resign, Cameron.

"It is important to be principled" says Vince Cable. I wonder if he's still got that pledge he signed about tuition fees?

Stripping 25 million workers of guaranteed paid holidays is an unspoken goal of Cameron’s anti-EU strategy.

Definition of a Tory recovery - zero hours contracts, unpaid internships and increasing numbers of workers being paid less than a living wage.

If you have the same job as your brother and you both go for promotion, how does that constitute "stabbing him in the back"?

UN investigator says she has never faced such a hostile reaction from a government as she did for her bedroom tax report.

No mincing of words in Paul Routledge's column: “Michael Gove is patronising, insulting, nasty, wrong and arrogant.”

Nick Clegg says that Labour needs to apologise in order to regain the trust of the voters! That's rich, coming from him.

Tory recovery - 1 million families use payday loan sharks each month whilst another 500,000 have had to turn to food banks in the last year.

When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.

“Doesn’t the PM understand that not everyone lands their first job with the help of a royal equerry?” (Helen Goodman MP)

Why doesn’t the BBC ever ask if Tory donors properly represent their workers, those people whose labour earns them the money they donate?

Michael Gove, the man who had to pay back £7,000 in expenses, says people who use foodbanks are “not best able to manage their finances”.

There's nothing liberal or democratic about Nick Clegg. He played a part in the privatisation of the NHS. He's a Tory 'bag for life’.

Grant Schapps has sent a message of crass deception to Ban Ki Moon regarding the bedroom tax. He hates it when people use the wrong name.

I saw Gove being attacked by six men today. A passer-by said: "Are you going to help?" I said: "No, six should be enough.”

by oftenwrong Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:28 pm

William and Kate's first official engagement since birth. (Headline)

by boatlady Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:25 pm

http://t.co/b6E7BtlY7m

one for Shirina

by **Ivan** Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:05 pm

Tories - "patriots" who hijack the Union Flag and then sell off basic British infrastructure and utilities to foreigners.

“How desperate does ‘The Daily Mail’ have to be to attack the dead father of the Leader of the Opposition? (Jon Snow)

Free university education - gone, NHS -going, benefits - going, fuel, food and housing - too expensive. Well done, Cameron!

It sends a great message when the Education Secretary thinks it's okay for ‘The Daily Mail’ to bully and offend people.

Cameron is descended from the bastard line of William IV. Clearly nothing much has changed in that family.

We've a bought press, not a free one. Gove would sing a different tune if nearly all the media opposed the Tory scum.

The class system, corruption, freeloading royals, bigots, racists, freemasons. Lots to hate about Britain, even now.

“The Conservative Party conference is an affront to human decency. Speakers should be prosecuted for contributing to hate crimes.” (Sonia Poulton)

Gove claims that Ed Miliband wants to take us back to the 1970s, conveniently ignoring the fact that the Tories are taking us back to the 1770s.

Telegram from 'Daily Mail' owner Lord Rothermere to Hitler (1st Oct 1938): "I salute your Excellency’s star, which rises higher and higher."

Cameron: "Together we've made it this far, together we will finish the job." That sounds like a threat!

“My dad loved Britain, he served in the Royal Navy and I am not prepared to allow his good name to be denigrated in this way.” (Ed Miliband)

‘The Daily Mail’ loves Britain so much that its parent company, Rothermere Continuation Ltd, is registered in Bermuda.

My entry for the hypocrite of the year award: "Why do those on the left have such a talent for hating?" (Liam Fox)

Just a few months ago, 'The Daily Mail' was attacking the 'sick left' for speaking ill of Thatcher after her death.

Eric Pickles told a victim of child abuse to “adjust your medication”. Maybe she should have told him to adjust his diet.

IDS confirms his flagship scheme will now be known as ‘Universal Cred’ because he forgot about the IT.

This week, Ed Miliband took on a powerful tabloid, while Cameron took on jobless under-25s and asylum seekers.

Osborne’s speech on the unemployed: "Nobody will get something for nothing." Except Tesco, Poundstretcher and McDonalds, who will get free slave labour.

Obama can reach a deal with Iran, Putin and Assad, but he can't reach a deal with the GOP confederacy of mad men!

Should newsagents be required to keep 'The Daily Mail' under the counter and only sell it in plain paper bags for the sake of public decency?

"The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor." (Voltaire)

The Conservative Party - funded by the 1% and run increasingly for the benefit of the 1%.

The marriage tax allowance is outdated and offensive, rather like the Tory Party.

Maybe if Gove were to accept performance related pay, the teachers would!

Radio 4 Sunday charity appeal wasn't for flood or earthquake victims, it was for Trussell Trust foodbanks. Hope you're proud of yourself, Cameron.

"If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are oppressed and loving those doing the oppressing." (Malcolm X)

Warning: 'The Daily Mail' should not be used in cat litter trays, as it could cause the more discerning felines to develop diarrhoea.

“Can the Tories woo the have-nots and not just the have-yachts?” (Andrew Rawnsley)

The Republicans are insurrectionists. They should be given pink slips, stripped of their offices, arrested and labelled traitors.

Cameron is talking to Clegg about a second coalition; he clearly doesn’t think he can win on his own. A vote for the LDs is a vote for Tories.

"Nobody is going to get anything for nothing" promises the hypocrite Osborne, who is in line for an inheritance of over £4 million.

The Conservatives - the party of poverty, foodbanks, abusing the sick and unemployed, misogyny, lies and fraud.

Toryspeak - IDS doesn't want the severely disabled to be "condemned" to a life on benefits. It's no doubt far better to starve to death.

So the BBC films in countries with dangerous dictatorships from which it’s banned, but when a security firm tells it not to film an NHS demo it just accepts it!

The Tories are a lot like the GOP, possibly worse. This mob have taken decent existing public healthcare and ruined it.

“I’ll tell you what really devalues marriage: patronising, preachy little tax breaks.” (Fraser Nelson)

I don't discriminate about size, guys. Personally, my favorite is 3 inches and goes by the name Visa, Mastercard or Amex.

“Had Cameron got away with a rush to war in Syria, we wouldn't have UN agreement on Syria and Iran today; Ed Miliband was right to take a stand.” (Chris Bryant MP)

The Tories want to make it easier for employers to sack you, harder for unions to represent you and then punish you if you can't find work.

“It's confirmed - the Tories have gone mad. They are taking the EU to court to ensure bankers get bigger bonuses. No, I did not make it up.” (Paul Flynn MP)

230 women are turned away every day from women's refuges due to Tory cuts, yet Cameron chooses to spend millions on a marriage tax break.

“Global warming has benefits: fewer deaths from cold, longer growing season for farmers.” (Owen Paterson, Environment Secretary)

Theresa May says the Tories are bringing in a Modern Slavery Bill. I thought they already had - isn't it called Workfare?

Tory conference - the extraordinary spectacle of a party that speaks entirely for rentiers and speculators claiming to stand up for hard-working people.

“No one, however smart, however well-educated, is the suppository of all wisdom.” (Tony Abbott, Australian PM)

by boatlady Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:31 pm

The Tory plan since 2010 has been to keep the economy on life support while they harvest its organs.

by **Ivan** Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:51 pm

Cable says he's not interested in "spivs and speculators". Cabinet meetings must be a bit of a trial for him then.

When the Red Cross launch a food appeal in the UK, it's time to acknowledge the Tory failure.

You know you've let yourself go if you get complimented on your Halloween mask when you're not wearing one!

Michael Gove is to education what Damien Hirst is to art: you'll always find the weirdo who thinks raw butchery is wonderful.

Better to freeze energy prices than to freeze pensioners.

Funny how the Scandinavian countries that did not embrace the West's right-wing politics now have the best educated children in Europe.

Why might Tory governments bankrolled by City speculators repeatedly undervalue the sell-off of state assets? It’s not rocket science.

If US politicians were to stop getting paid, I'm sure an agreement would soon be reached to end the shutdown.

Workfare, food banks, bedroom tax, zero hours contracts, tax cuts for millionaires - and Cameron wants us to let him "finish the job".

A right-wing libertarian is an anarchist who needs a police force to protect him from his slaves.

“Spot on to point out the hypocrisy of Grayling organising a Magna Carta celebration at the same time as curtailing access to justice.” (Sadiq Khan)

Don’t be unkind to Eric Pickles, he’s got a lot on his plate.

My work on the Theory of Relativity (time runs slower the closer you get to your relatives) has been ignored by the Nobel committee again.

The Danny Alexander Cookbook has just been published. Every recipe starts with "First clear up the mess left by Labour".

“If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.” (Sun Tzu)

Cameron's cabinet reshuffle is like the Gestapo playing musical chairs in Adolf Hitler's bunker.

Vegetarians, if you love animals so much then why do you keep eating all their food?

Tories love hardworking people so much they're replacing them with unpaid workfare placements – towards the Tory dream of a wageless economy.

Liam Fox has just claimed expenses for his journey from the sofa to the kettle during half time in the WBA v. Arsenal match.

If Ralph Miliband had written about his hatred of paying UK taxes, ‘The Daily Mail’ would have claimed him as one of its own.

Incredible that Bruce Forsyth having 'flu gets more BBC news coverage than the NHS privatisation.

Him: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yep." Him: "And you'd even let him use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly, he's left handed!"

Mehdi Hassan asked Grant Shapps: "How can you get five people into one job?" Grant Shapps can get three people into one head.

by oftenwrong Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:12 am

a late tweet:

Tory policy towards the less able has more to do with Eugenics than it has to do with economics.

by **Ivan** Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:32 pm

Next time Tories are banging on about Brown's gold sale in 1999, remind them how the Royal Mail was valued at £5bn in June but sold for £3.3bn.

“If Osborne thinks there's a lack of ambition in Britain, perhaps he should have thought before creating the myth that we're bankrupt.” (George Eaton)

Advice for UKIP members - when making quiche, stop the egg mixture leaking through the side of the pastry case by ensuring the borders are secure.

Cameron hates his own people and is stupid. His philosophy is to feed the greedy and starve the needy.

"They’ve found five human skulls over 1.8 million years old with very small brains: Homo Republicanus." (Bette Midler)

The oxymoron that is Tory ideology: we live in a global market and must compete, but we have to protect our borders and tell foreigners to go home.

“Two men have been arrested in London on suspicion of supplying Bruce Forsyth with material.” (Danny Baker)

Let's hope Cameron acts to limit energy price rises - oh, wait, he can't because that would make him a Marxist.

My neighbours don't buy newspapers. Instead they have 'The Daily Mail' delivered every day.

"One in three Londoners now live in poverty, yet two-thirds of them are in work." (Sadiq Khan)

Just seen a bunch of poor Tories heading for their local food bank, it’s called Harrods.

Hedge fund Lansdowne made £20 million from the Royal Mail sell-off overnight. Its founder Paul Ruddock funds the Tory Party and was knighted by Cameron.

I've just applied for a job to become a driving instructor. The advert says training is provided, which is good because I can't drive.

Memo to Dave: Stop talking about people “getting on the housing ladder”. Many people can't even afford a ladder, never mind a house.

Theresa May confuses me. She was the first to identify and bemoan the Tories' ‘nasty party’ label, but now she’s its personification.

In January 2010, Cameron promised a new wave of Sure Starts, but instead he axed 576 of them. The Tories are so ashamed they’ve deleted the promise.

When life stops being worth living for the majority, something is very wrong in Tory Britain.

Dancing with Vanessa Feltz must be like carrying a wardrobe down a flight of stairs on your own.

A man has been arrested trying to enter Buckingham Palace with an offensive weapon. Rumour has it that it was Cameron with ‘The Daily Mail’.

by oftenwrong Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:52 pm

"Immigrants" include billionaires like Jeff Bezos of Amazon, (his Dad was Cuban), and the Iranian who set up e-bay.

Send 'em home!

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:25 pm

"I'd respect Gove's passion for unqualified teachers more if he agreed to be operated on by an unqualified surgeon." (David Schneider)

Doctors and hospitals cannot cope because Tory NHS policy is to make them unable to cope.

David Starkey is to history what Captain Pugwash was to piracy.

"Rather than being angry because we’re being mugged, the Tories want us to be angry that our less deserving neighbour isn’t being mugged enough." (Owen Jones)

William Hague is so gormless that he probably thinks he's in Geneva to do a deal with the Iranians to provide a replacement for Trident.

Riot in Maidstone Prison? I'm waiting for a Tory minister to appear on TV and say "it's all hard labour's fault".

“YouGov poll says Tories are old and tired, haven’t moved on from past, hearts aren’t in right place and appeal to only one section of society.” (David Blanchflower)

Tories will promise that your jobs are safe. They're just going to be done by different people in a different hemisphere.

Osborne wants to split RBS into a 'bad bank' and 'good bank'. Shame we can't do that with the government, though the only good thing would be its demise.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” (Albert Einstein)

Tories will sympathise with residents who object to wind farms, but they dismiss those with concerns about fracking as being “misinformed”.

If you’re unhappy with your Prime Minister, you can always switch providers.

“We can’t make food banks part of the welfare state…..it can become a habit.” (Paul Maynard, Tory MP)

Osborne has a litter collecting plan for the jobless. That's why he'll go down in history as 'The Rubbish Chancellor'.

When Tebbit gave up his Chingford seat to become a lord, he said: "If you think I'm right-wing, wait till you see the next guy". It was IDS.

I couldn’t find a shirt to wear tonight. Then I remembered that the Tories had taken the last one off my back.

“When the EDL want to make a point about Muslims not respecting UK law, what better way to do it than to fight the police?” (Frankie Boyle)

Q: How many Tories does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to tell Clegg to do it and four to blame its failure on Labour.

by **Ivan** Sun Nov 24, 2013 5:30 pm

I know exactly what Cameron's doing for 'Children In Need' this year. He's ensuring that there are more of them.

“Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it." (George Bernard Shaw)

Why is it falsely claimed MP expenses merely have to be repaid, but falsely claimed benefits can result in prison?

Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ – toffs paying spivs to rip off plebs.

“Iain Duncan Smith is so unfit for work even ATOS couldn't pass him for a DWP job.” (Kevin Maguire)

There were 6 million Lib Dem voters in 2010. How many wanted Trident, trashing of the NHS, £9k tuition fees and Danny Alexander getting a big desk?

Ironic to hear Tory Dominic Grieve talking of "corruption in minority groups". He could have been describing the toffs in this government.

With his credentials, if Paul Flowers had joined the Tory Party instead of the Co-op Bank, he'd probably be in the government by now.

“Private school influence in public life is shocking” says John Major, while his party and its policies are furthering it.

Serco and G4S thieves still hold 28 government contracts worth £9 billion. Government has confidence in them - to donate to the Tory Party.

“Redistributing wealth from the top to the bottom is called socialism. Redistributing wealth from the bottom to top is called austerity.” (Max Keiser)

‘Children In Need’ - multimillionaires smugly patting themselves on the back for gracing us with their presence while they ask us for money.

“Northerners who won't vote Tory are bigoted or stupid”, rants ex-Thatcher spin doctor Bernard Ingham.

The foreigners who are exploiting our NHS are foreign shareholders of private health firms based in tax havens profiting from the Tory sell-off.

How ironic to see Jeremy Hunt on ‘Question Time’ sneering at someone getting a job because of his "connections".

Cameron, green levies account for a maximum of 2% of energy price rises. Try doing something about greed levies instead.

In a council by-election in Wigan in October, the Lib Dem candidate got 19 votes. That’s not even his extended family.

"Working class freed from slavery after 30 years of falling wages. Dave released on bail." Did I misread the headlines?

Tory definition of ‘hard-working families’ – those who have children who can fit up chimneys.

"Shocking how someone with so little knowledge of banking got to run a really important institution." Is Jeremy Hunt referring to Osborne?

by oftenwrong Sun Nov 24, 2013 7:06 pm

"Osborne wants to split RBS into a 'bad bank' and 'good bank'. Shame we can't do that with the government, though the only good thing would be its demise."

The RBS bad bank has been reality for years. Where did they hide a "good" one?

by **Ivan** Tue Dec 10, 2013 11:32 pm

If you could bottle political hypocrisy, then Nelson Mandela's funeral would be the place to set up your distillery.

Sarah Palin was asked what she thought of the Kyoto Accord. She replied: “I don't know, coz I've got a Honda”.

Cameron says "there's never a wrong time to do the right thing". Prove it then, Dave - resign today!

My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell ‘Avon’.

If stupidity was taxed, Danny Alexander's liability would be enough to pay off the UK debt.

It's not that I have no faith in God, it's just I have no faith in the blokes who invented him.

When in opposition, Osborne pledged that the Tories would stop PFIs. He’s signed more than 40 new contracts since 2010.

What would I like to see on Twitter? Republicans produce some facts.

“When sportsmen broke sanctions in South Africa they were greedy for money. When Cameron did it in 1989, he didn't even have that lame excuse.” (John Mann MP)

Tories - the party of downward social mobility, raising their drawbridges and kicking down the ladders.

”We experience austerity too, except when we hire help for dinner parties.” (Princess Michael of Kent)

Rick Santorum is the male version of Sarah Palin, a fascist moron disguised in a shroud of religious hypocrisy and unadulterated stupidity.

The hypocrite Cameron says "we should be cutting the cost of politics" - after creating new lords faster than any previous PM.

Women should not be slaves to their anatomy, simply because Republicans are slaves to their ignorance.

What we need is a game show called ‘Strictly Caught Lying’, where the public can vote off the worst MP; up this week are IDS and Hunt.

Why is there so much coverage of a trial concerning Nigella Lawson's servants, but so little from the Old Bailey about Brooks and Coulson?

Some day St Peter is going to allow humanity to line up and individually stick our heavenly boots up Dick Cheney's arse.

“The flexible UK labour market and austerity mean the typical worker is unlikely to see real wage growth for decades...just as in the USA.” (Professor Blanchflower)

BREAKING: BBC to hold an inquiry into how some people who aren't Tory sycophants managed to get into the ‘Any Questions’ audience this week.

In Israel, Sarah Palin was asked if she'd like to visit the West Bank. She replied: "Why, are they writing me a cheque?"

What a stark contrast between Thatcher and Nelson Mandela - one will be remembered for dividing Britain, the other for uniting South Africa.

"Those who take meat from the table teach contentment. Those who receive the contribution demand sacrifice." (Bertolt Brecht)

The Tories are like the generals of World War One - mindless, heartless destroyers of all less privileged people.

If you could turn stupid into a fuel, you could use Sarah Palin to leave the solar system.

"It's all Labour's fault." If there were no dead horses to flog, the Tories would need a new agenda.

Patriotism is the love of your country. That's not the same thing as spineless adoration of the Establishment.

Is war God's way of teaching Republicans geography?

Cheer up, kids! If you work until you’re 70, by the time you retire you might have saved enough for your kids to afford a deposit on a house.

If the economy is recovering, why do we need to make more cuts?

American conservatism - if our healthcare plan doesn't kill you, our gun policies will.

The NHS is proud to confirm that Nick Clegg's 'Tory blood transfusion' has been a complete success.

Women who vote GOP have wrapped themselves in the American flag so tight it's cut off circulation to their brains.

Rumour has it that some people get up half an hour early each day so that they can hate Iain Duncan Smith for an extra 30 minutes.

Too bad that Sarah Palin can’t see facts from her house.

“I see Louise Mensch is joining in the Tory anti-immigrant crusade, from New York City, to where she has emigrated.” (Owen Jones)

Before Obama, has any President been bashed in the media for taking WMDs out of the hands of a rogue nation without even having to fire off a water balloon?

Cameron knows as much about the problems affecting ordinary people as Godfrey Bloom knows about the back of his fridge.

Boris Johnson calls us "species", adding "most of us are too stupid to get on in life". Rich coming from someone whom Blackadder would describe as “thicker than a whale omelette”.

If corporations are people, I hope they've been tested for STDs, because they've screwed 99% of America.

IDS - his abbreviated name makes him sound like a chronic stomach complaint, when in fact he's a mega pain in the arse.

by **Ivan** Mon Dec 16, 2013 12:20 am

UKIP members don't exaggerate, the 87 million Bulgarians who live in Eastleigh can confirm that.

The UK is the only G8 country where the Red Cross is providing emergency food aid.

Every day I thank God that I’m an atheist.

Strictly Come Dancing's Natalie Gumede snubbed Osborne’s Downing Street Christmas party, saying "I'm not a Tory".

The last time the UK baked a bigger cake, rich boys stole it and only left crumbs for the poor.

“I would rather be first in a village than second at Rome.” (Julius Caesar)

Britain's state pension is the second lowest in the 34 OECD countries, only Mexico's is worse.

If EDL members were tested on their English skills before they qualified for benefits, the DWP would save a fortune.

Some of Bruce Forsyth’s jokes are so old they could be carbon dated.

Those who support massive benefit cuts would do well to remember they're only an accident, illness or redundancy away from needing help.

Such irony – a vicar has infuriated parents by telling children at a primary school assembly that Father Christmas isn’t real.

by oftenwrong Mon Dec 16, 2013 5:32 pm

"Such irony – a vicar has infuriated parents by telling children at a primary school assembly that Father Christmas isn’t real."

We can only hope they never ask him about virgin birth.

by **Ivan** Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:58 am

The Lib Dems have certainly moderated the Tories in government - rather like Jack the Ripper doing a bit of street cleaning between murders.

RSPCA is “sinister and nasty” says the Countryside Alliance, whose members watch dogs tearing defenceless animals to bits and then smear themselves with the blood.

Democratic governments provide us with the illusion of control over their actions, but corporations are completely unaccountable to the electorate.

If Iain Duncan Smith had been in Bethlehem 2,000 years ago, he'd have said that stable was too big and imposed a bedroom tax on it.

Nick Clegg has destroyed the Lib Dems. Soon there won’t be enough party members left to chuck him out.

“For human rights to flourish, religious rights have to come second.” (Deborah Orr)

When the Great Crash hit, Britain had the second lowest debt in the G7 club of leading economies.

"My gran could run the economy better than George Osborne", says Tory MP Brian Binley.

Did you take your mind off scroungers filling up their taxpayer-funded houses with kids by watching Ma Windsor's speech on Christmas Day?

Forget the excuse of pest control - foxes were introduced to the Isle of Wight in 1845 so that people could hunt them.

Iain Duncan Smith - a disgrace of a man who will be remembered as a coward, proven liar and vindictive, small-minded incompetent bully.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." (Epicurus)

I wonder if Peter Hitchens still appeared to hate the world this Christmas Day or whether he took the day off?

"In the UK it is right that more people are going to food banks." (Esther McVey). "Nastiest speech I've heard in 43 years." (Gerald Kaufman)

The UN has discovered a mass grave in South Sudan. I wouldn't be surprised if a Tory spokesperson says that it’s all Labour’s fault.

The existence of charities is proof that our social system is not adequately meeting the needs of all citizens.

Foxhunter on BBC defended his sick illegal 'sport' because it creates jobs. I wonder if he’s so concerned about the 5,000 plus nursing posts that have been lost?

My favourite part of the Queen's Speech was where she talked about disestablishment of the church, the abolition of the monarchy and an end to inequality.

Memo to Iain Duncan Smith: People are hungry, charities are not scaremongering. Listen to other voices, not just the ones in your head.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." (Albert Einstein)

I wonder if Esther McVey ever sets foot in her native Liverpool these days? I should think she'd need an armed guard.

UK and USA - first world countries where people are going hungry, despite an abundance of riches. Wrong on so many levels.

Much more of this disgusting government and the Ethiopians will be organising rock concerts to help feed our starving children.

Two little facts: 1. The bedroom tax has cost the country more money than it's saved. 2. 63% of people affected are registered as disabled.

Benefits cap, no problem, but imagine the Tory outrage if there was a salary cap!

Amazon confirms that the forthcoming DVD of England's Ashes tour of Australia will be listed in its 'Horror' section.

Breaking: Satan has returned his Conservative Party membership card following Esther McVey's 'excessively harsh' performance in the Commons.

From being the 'straight' candidate in 1983 to part of the bent government in 2013. What a career Simon Hughes has had!

They made a Mandela film and Mandela died. They made a Great Train Robbery programme and Ronnie Biggs died. Is it time for ‘IDS - the movie’?

by oftenwrong Tue Dec 31, 2013 12:40 pm

"In the UK it is right that more people are going to food banks." (Esther McVey). "Nastiest speech I've heard in 43 years." (Gerald Kaufman)

Possibly not all that long ago. When Norman Lamont was Chancellor of the Exchequer in the early 1990s, he qualified for a note in various diaries by saying in parliament,

Unemployment is a price worth paying ...!

and

If it isn't hurting - it isn't working!

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