Is it possible to find true love on the internet?

First topic message reminder :



Posted on May 14, 2012


LOVE ON THE EDGE

There are those of us non-believers who would encourage you to get your head tested for even mentioning such a ridiculous notion. Falling in love with someone you have never met, how absurd! Oops…I did!!!

What’s more at the time I fell hook, line and sinker, I’d barely glanced at his face, and would have easily bypassed him in the street! Hands up, confession time; I fell for his mind. His sharp wit and direct approach were suddenly a match for my own, in fact he challenged me which stirred something deep inside that I can honestly say I have never felt before. Me the crazy Welsh blonde who spent her life avoiding the follies of love, was now totally drawn to this dark character and I mean dark…

There are always the inevitable drawbacks to internet relationships. You can reign free with your identity or you could just create it and once the latter has begun how then can you begin to explain yourself and your mundane existence. From Secret Agent to dog groomer or luscious lady to aging spinster…doh! So word of warning guys, be you but just add a little mystery!

There are also those that trawl the internet seeking victims, yes victims and they are sooh easy to find. Us Brits are made up of select groups, those who wear their hearts on their sleeves and those who are set to abuse the ones that do. Whether for money, marriage or sexual gratification, please be aware that when someone appears to be too good to be true then they normally are acting out of self purpose and your feelings don’t count.

So back to me, and we all like a little intrigue right… and you are all wondering who Mr Dark is? And if we actually got together and whether we are having a wild and passionate relationship? Yet I’m sure you will also be aware from my previous blogs that I never kiss and tell…

If you are lucky enough to meet someone genuine then I have actually come to believe the internet is a wonderful place, simply because its your mind that’s on offer, unless of course you rely on half-naked photos or promoting your wealth…not a good idea! You exchange thoughts, humour and songs. And you listen like you never did whilst you were knocking back the alcopops and battling against the dramatic reverberations of Goyte on the eardrums!

As for Mr Dark! Where did I meet him, was it Twitter or perhaps a select and interesting forum named ‘Cutting Edge’, I’m sure you can work it out! How did he earn himself that name? Well he’s polite yet opinionated at first, then scratch the surface and he’s a seductive sort with an undeniable force that renders even ice-maidens desperate wrecks seeking his touch!

Of course not all relationships work out and unfortunately some turn to the internet yet again to ply their revenge. Like all good things in life there is risk, for me falling in love is the biggest risk of all but whilst I encourage you to throw caution to the wind and charm the person of your dreams with your intellect, I also urge you to let others know of your movements, think twice before handing over anything of value and marriage is something that should never be rushed, no matter what the reasoning. If love is true then all they want is you!

I appreciate what you are saying but not all stories are the same. I have spoken to people who have confessed their love stories and I indeed have my own... though not an entirely happy ending but one which I would not want to have lived without! There is danger in everything we do but that's what makes us human. I try to emphasise the negatives as well as encourage hope... Sometimes love is hidden amongst the unlikeliest of baggage...xx

Lol... Erm 'Drawers????'..

Drawers!! Am I showing Mr Hornby's age??



Well, I draw my curtains closed, do you have them fandangled electric curtains that open and close by themselves, and nearly strangling the cat in the process?

I hear what you're saying, Misti, and I'm certainly not against the idea of online romances.

I suppose I have a different take on the whole idea of romantic love in general, one that I generally keep to myself since it runs so contrary to the majority opinion. I find romantic love to be the most destructive and hurtful of nearly all emotions. It hurts the people around you and often hurts the two people involved - and not for the reasons you might expect. I don't carry around a baggage train filled with broken hearts, so these aren't the words of someone who was scorned and is now bitter. I'm simply making an observation, and I often wonder how many more people would prefer to be single but succumb to the societal pressures that all but force us to couple.

Since this aspect of relationships really doesn't pertain to online relationships, I won't belabor the point. But I will sum it up in this way: Once when I was doing my graduate work just a few years ago, I was talking to one of the other women in my class; she was old enough to almost be my mother. She asked me a question I am asked a lot. "How can someone like you be so lonely?" My response was instantaneous. "Because no one else is."

I wrote a very detailed specification in my request for a Life Partner, and the only response I got back was from my Mum.

please set out for all the happiness you can find - life is too short.

D

I agree, safety is foremost but life leads in different directions and unless you follow you will never know... M

Having read the above all I can say is 'Come back Barbara Cartland. You're missed.'

Bishop: Who is it that sees and hears all we do, and before whom even I am a crushed worm?.

Page: The Missus, my Lord'. Punch cartoon 1880

Nowdo you see why I prefer to remain alone.

mistidebonno wrote:That's cause you have chosen the wrong site's!!! Try the words, true/love/absolute belief/and commitment then take away the price tag because love doesnt have a price and you may be onto a winner... xx

Tried it. Should that read 'Battersea Dogs Home' .

Hope springs eternal in the human breast.

Hi Oftenwrong, Not quite sure how to take that... But I think we all prefer to live in hope!!! Oh and Good Morning to you. xx

I'm happy to return your greeting, albeit tardily, so it's Good Afternoon to you, misti.

Man is the only animal that will trip over the same rock twice.

Oftenwrong: Well I guess we can all be slow learners, better that than act in haste... xx

Man is the only animal that will trip over the same rock twice.

Oh I don't know ...

I've seen cats step on items (such as papers) hanging over the edge of a desk several times resulting in them taking an unexpected plunge. That seems to get them every time.

" I've seen cats step on items (such as papers) hanging over the edge of a desk several times resulting in them taking an unexpected plunge"

If it was the Daily Mail, the cat was probably attempting suicide...

So Astra, you are saying you could not be tempted??? Not even for a coffee??? xx Lol

Hi Shirina and Phil, Sorry that i am a newly formed romantic... Doh, there is nothing worse!!! But then i always did like to be the one that triggered a response. And I shall live up to my reputation, like it or not love happens and mostly in the unlikeliest of places and with the most unlikely sort!!! You get minimal chances to live your dream and as long as you are aware of the dangers and take precautions be free and be happy...xx

Phil, If taking a chance on life is sooh frightening...stay safe!!! That is if you really want to... xx

Misti dearheart, I am a one woman fellah

(Now where's the brownie points?)

love happens and mostly in the unlikeliest of places and with the most unlikely sort!!!

Yep, that's why it usually doesn't work out.

I think I became a cynic when the vast majority of my female friends always managed to fall in love with petty criminals and abusers. Meanwhile, a fair number of my male friends were complaining of being single due to all the women chasing after "assholes" (their word, not mine ... though it is apt).

Then I'd end up spending countless nights "counseling" abused girls and lonely boys ... and I thought, "If only I could get these two groups together, problem solved."

But alas, it never seemed to work out that way. Instead, the girls would fawn over their incarcerated boyfriends because they're "so exciting (!)" as opposed to those dull, predictable boys who actually bring them flowers on Valentine's Day. Never mind the fact that the first thing these boys are liable to do once out of prison is to rush home and beat the living snot out of their starry-eyed female admirers.

The boys, on the other hand, sure, they eventually find someone willing to date them, usually girls no one else wanted to date, not even the "assholes." Of course this is done out of desperation rather than love; the fear of being alone is an exceedingly powerful motivator, especially if you find yourself sitting around every Saturday night by yourself with nothing to do. These matches were rife with incompatibility, yet these poor boys had been falling in and out of love with uninterested girls for so long that, once they found someone, they would do or say anything to keep them. That's when a second form of abuse began to materialize: Domination. I could see the depression, the disgust, and the resentment in the eyes of these boys every time their girlfriends yanked their leashes ... and the girlfriends yanked hard and often. "Yes, dear. Coming, dear" became some of the most puke-inducing words ever to come out of a male mouth.

And believe me, if they knew their boyfriends were hanging around me, a single female, they yanked that leash so hard it's a wonder those boys weren't decapitated. I was even a bridesmaid at some of their weddings, yet when the knot was tied (tight enough to cut off circulation), those male friends that I have known for years were suddenly forbidden to have anything to do with me, at least not without "supervision." In the eyes of the girls, I transformed overnight into the evil vixen, some sort of succubus out to steal away their husbands.

After my own share of debacles involving boys who wanted to control me, use me as a trophy ("Hey look, guys, look what I have on my elbow! It's an Asian!") and guys whose attention wandered the very instant they realized I wasn't going to "put out" on the first date, I threw in the towel.

I've had a few whirlwind romances, the kind movie scripts are made from, and I treasure the memories. I'm not so cynical as to disavow love completely, but as a rational - often over-cerebral - kind of person, I fully understand that the odds are stacked against me. So much so, in fact, that I find myself more excited about watching the winning lottery numbers get drawn than I am over the prospect of meeting a new man. I'm at the stage in life when everyone is rushing to the altar, and it may be that I'll have to wait like a vulture for a divorce so I can swoop in and feed on the corpse of someone's marriage. Rarely do I meet single men even close to my age ... and those that ARE single are often single for a very good reason!

I suppose, in a sense, I was caught without a chair when the music stopped. It doesn't bother me, much, though, since my decisions are my own, and no one else is riding on my success or fearful of my failures. There is a certain peace of mind knowing that.

If only I were 10, 20 or 30 year younger (what's that? keep going?)

a vulture for a divorce so I can swoop in and feed on the corpse of someone's marriage.

Beware of "hitting someone on the rebound"

Very difficult, always being compared TO SOMEONE WHO FAILED THEM!!

Near drove me to drink that did.

Shirina. quote

and those that ARE single are often single for a very good reason!

They value their freedom ?

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothing, I mean nothing honey if it ain't free, no no
Yeah feeling good was easy Lord when he sang the blues
You know feeling good was good enough for me
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee"

Kristofferson

Oddly enough, I was watching a video where some high school student was giving a report on the physics of "My Little Pony" when I accidentally stumbled on an online dating advice blog.

Now, most people who know me know that I never write anything that I cannot support with solid evidence. My little rant about dating is no exception.

So, in this dating advice blog, this girl is writing about 10 "red flags" to look for when dating online, and looky looky what I found:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Flag: “I’m a nice guy.”
What It Means: I think that holding the door for you obligates you to spread.

Oh, Nice Guys. You are such an internet stereotype, and yet you don’t stop proclaiming your Nice Guyness. A dater’s comment about how he is Such a Nice Guy is inevitably followed up by a lament about how women only like jerks—i.e., any guy who is not the Nice Guy. How does he know that women like jerks? Because he sometimes does nice things for women, and they do not have sex with him in return. So he brings up his Niceness as a way to guilt women into sex. See how nice he is? Then, he includes this information on his internet dating profile. See how totally not manipulative and fun he seems?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So yes, being a "nice guy" is a red flag. I suppose the boy should say, instead, "I'm an asshole." I think it is highly inappropriate to assume that "nice guys" only complain about not finding dates because doing something nice for a girl doesn't net them sex. This kind of presumptuous nonsense is what keeps the nice guys single and the asshole dance card filled. "Why yes, we should assume the nice guy just wants to get in your pants, so we may as well date the asshole because at least then we know where we stand!"

She asks in her blog, "How does he know that women like jerks?" Well ... because THEY DO! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to note when you've been turned down for a guy that put his last girlfriend in the hospital. One of the primary reasons why so many girls get themselves into trouble with jerks is because they *assume* nice guys are even bigger jerks, and that makes about as much sense as this: "Ahfowuoahfowseu0."

I'm a stickler on logic. That doesn't mean I'm emotionless, but logic is a big part of who I am. Love, unfortunately, is the antithesis of logic. The rampant stupidity, the ridiculous games, the utter nonsense of courtship. Gah! I actually became interested in politics because its easier to understand than human romantic behaviors!

And this unknown girl with her blog, she managed to encapsulate with much more brevity than I ever could precisely what I was talking about.

But wait ... there's more! Here's another "Red Flag" to watch out for:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Flag: Grammar, punctuation, or capitalization carnage.
What It Means: I’m not very intelligent, and/or I’m lazy.

Grammar rules exist for a reason. When you message me to say “letds f cvk,” it’s unclear whether you would like to have intercourse or associate with the law firm of Cosgrave Vergeer Kester LLP. If you are borderline illiterate, that is legitimately unfortunate. Chances are, though, it’s a laziness thing. If you can’t even put the effort into spelling the f-word correctly the first time you contact me, I think it’s safe to say that you may not give your all when it comes time to bring that word to life. See Also: Messaging like a sixth-grader texts; emoticons.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While I appreciate good grammar online, I also understand that most people do not spend a lot of time writing. I write ... a lot, and I've done so for years. I have a lot of practice under my belt. Most people do not, and wooing people online might be the only time they ever put words to paper so to speak. I don't expect them to have the word-smithing prowess of William Shakespeare.

But that's not really the point. Look at her example! If someone messaged me and said, "letds f cvk," his grammar would be the least of my concerns! I can't imagine what's going through her head - or maybe I can: "Well, buddy, I would've had sex with you, a complete stranger, but since you didn't spell it correctly, I'm not going to." Seriously, this is the kind of "jerk" I've been talking about, a guy who would actually ask a girl to "eff" her. Really? And then she has the temerity to ask of nice guys, "How does he know that women like jerks?" Well, if the now "red flagged" nice guy knew you were more concerned about a guy's spelling errors than his flagrant crass and primitive behavior, he would have his answer, wouldn't he.

This just makes me want to bang my head repeatedly against a very hard object. Preferably titanium or some other sufficiently dense material. Incidentally, do you know what kind of guy was NOT on her "Red Flag" list? Wait for it ... wait for it ... that's right: Assholes!

Then there is little old me. How does all of this affect me? In answer to this, I'll give an anecdotal story. I once asked this guy I knew out to a party. I mean, we hung out together all the time, had late night conversations about those deep subjects that are normally reserved for Harvard debating clubs, and we got on very well together. In short, he was a nice guy ... woe to me for not "red flagging" his ass the moment I realized he wasn't going to ask me to f v ck. Anyhow, he turned me down by simply not responding. I let it go. I wasn't going to be pushy. A few months later, I finally asked about that and why he turned me down. His answer? This is an exact quote:

"I didn't think you were serious. I figured girls like you always went after guys like Shawn." Shawn? WTF? I knew who he was referring to and Shawn was a Grade A prick. Just a week before this conversation with Mr. Nice Guy, Shawn had gotten a friend of mine pregnant, then drove her to suicide after shunning her. And yet the girls were piling up to be next in line. Me, oh, me me! I want to be abused next! I guess it only stands to reason why this gentle, intelligent soul would believe I had no interest in him. So there I was, being rejected because I was *too good* ... and all the cool girls date pricks like Shawn.

Now ... where did I put that titanium bar?

Do not seek for happiness,
For happiness won't last.
One day you will wake
And find an icy blast.

Do not seek for pleasure,
For pleasure runs not deep.
One day you will wake
And find the need to weep.

Do not seek undying love,
It comes not on demand.
One day you will wake
And find that it is gone.

The greatest gift that you can find
Is something that's not lent.
It's the day that you can wake
And find yourself content.

Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man's happiness really lies in contentment.
Mahatma Gandhi

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/contentment.html#q4hj0ecmgE7LpFPJ.99

[quote="RockOnBrother"]

Shirina wrote:
....

[*]Heard on a car boom box (passing by), 1990: “If the b***h don’t gimme what I want, I’ma f**k her up”, by some nefarious “gangsta” rappers. I wouldn’t post the video even if I could find it.
[/list]
Something precious was lost in that twelve year period (1978-1990). The afternoon that I heard the “gangsta” rappers’ evil words blasting from a rolling boom box, I had recently had a conversation with two female students, 18 or 19n years old, about “gangsta” rap. I wanted to know why these two otherwise intelligent young ladies spent their hard-earned money purchasing CDs and tapes wherein “gangsta” rappers called them “b***hs and h**s. They said something like, “We like it.”
[/color]

Shirina mentioned "logic" in her earlier posting, implying a commodity not always associated with female thought-process, but perhaps Mother Nature realised the consequences of providing child-bearers with incisive insight into the reality of the human male.

Thus the fair sex is capable of a total suspension of the critical faculty where boy-friends are concerned. Otherwise there would never be any more babies.

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts for the following questions:

Do you think players in life (real or cyber) can ever fall in love?

Do they confuse love for lust?

If they find true love, would they then be called players?

What is the frame of mind of a player? Can s/he ever possess caring emotions?

(Personally I have had few relationships with players...once they see you serious in that relationship but within some limit/s...then they back off. It works in some cases...).