Favourite 'tweets'

by **Ivan** Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

First topic message reminder :

For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-

Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.

No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.

by stuart torr Fri Nov 07, 2014 8:22 pm

$3.95 a minute Ivan? why the dollar sign? last time you did it was in the USA Laughing

only just noticed it boss.
Shame we cannot put big posters up OW every time we on here find something out new about this government is it not.

by oftenwrong Fri Nov 07, 2014 10:25 pm

In reality, Stu, there is very little "new" about this government, which is simply a continuance of the wealthy arranging things to suit themselves, as has been the case since 1066.

by stuart torr Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:17 pm

If that is the case OW, then why does anybody bother posting anything about them?

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 08, 2014 12:25 am

Congratulations to Jeremy Hunt for earning a place in the 2014 Official Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary. Hugely deserved.

Tip - how to stop yourself crying whilst chopping onions. Imagine the Tory cabinet plunging into an active volcano.

"And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand." (Mark 3:25)

Victory in Cameron’s eyes is getting the EU to agree on a staggered payments plan, meaning that the UK will only pay £1.7bn instead of the original £1.7bn.

Alistair Darling is wrong to say a referendum would "lance the boil" over the EU. Didn't work very well in Scotland, did it?

I think forgetting that you took your kid with you to a pub is worse than forgetting a few lines from a speech.

The trouble with elections is that no matter who you vote for, you get a politician.

Miliband 'plot' serves as a useful distraction while Cameron gets humiliated in EU and at Rochester and faces a backbench revolt over the European Arrest Warrant.

by stuart torr Sat Nov 08, 2014 1:21 am

Good old Jeremy Hunt, I happened to live in north devon when all that was going on, they loved him down there and boy did it shock them. queen

by Sharon Sat Nov 08, 2014 6:56 pm

Having a great time on Twitter - #webackEd is trending Very Happy

by stuart torr Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:34 pm

You mean you actually put a bet on Ed for next PM?

by **Ivan** Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:27 pm

Farage was upset at not being invited to lay a wreath at the Cenotaph, yet he allied his party in the EU Parliament with a Holocaust denier.

"A sales tax is very regressive, it hits the poorest the hardest." (Cameron, 8 May 2009). Must be why he raised VAT seven weeks after becoming PM.

If you ever have second thoughts, congratulations. That's two more than most people.

“Mark Reckless has all the charisma and warmth of a caravan site on the Isle of Sheppey in late February.” (Rod Liddle)

If Ed Miliband rescued a man from a burning building, the press would have a go at him for not putting the fire out.

Equatorial Guinea is to host the Africa Cup of Nations next year. Wonder if Mark Thatcher will help to sponsor it? I’m sure he’d get a warm welcome!

A Mark Reckless poster claims he will “get Rochester moving again”. That makes him sound like a sales rep for a suppository company.

"They thought it was all over, it isn't now." (Alex Salmond)

by stuart torr Fri Nov 14, 2014 4:52 pm

Mark Thatcher would get a warm welcome as a naked man in the north pole. Laughing

by **Ivan** Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:17 pm

"UKIP isn't so much a movement as a man in a pub." (Dennis Skinner)

Cameron is always showing us that what they learn on the playing fields of Eton is either to fix the playing field or not to play.

If tweets cost the price of a stamp, there would be a lot less opinion!

Danny Alexander says multimillionaire Osborne is so tight-fisted that he keeps his milk in a padlocked fridge in the Treasury.

2,000 years ago savages roamed around England. Some of their remnants are still in the corridors of power.

Q: What political principle is shared by both David Cameron and Tony Abbott?
A: Rupert Murdoch.

“I don’t want to be told how to behave philanthropically by a man said to be worth £32 million who is said to use tax avoidance schemes.” (Adele)

If too many are paid too little, who buys the goods and pays the taxes?

Calling Wayne Rooney an England great is about the same as calling Jimmy Savile a superb babysitter.

I think Ed Miliband was stunned that Myleene Klass's intelligence and empathy levels are the same as her talent - non-existent.

Clinging to 'Nurse Cameron' would be on a par with grabbing a crocodile to save yourself from drowning.

"Nigel Farage likes to claim that he speaks for 'the silent majority'. He is actually the megaphone of a noisy minority." (Andrew Rawnsley)

by stuart torr Wed Nov 19, 2014 1:13 am

UKIP is a movement at the moment Ivan, you just need immodium to stop them.

by **Ivan** Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:39 am

The Lib Dems deserve credit for trying to reduce the national debt. They've contributed £5,500 in by-election lost deposits since 2010.

"People's Army", "tanks on lawns", "legalisation of hand guns" - doesn't Farage's language tell us a lot about the true nature of UKIP?

Getting Queen Noor of Jordan to discuss tackling slavery is the equivalent of asking a devil worshipper to administer holy communion.

White Van Dan has confounded the sneering stereotypes by writing a manifesto containing the phrase "send them back".

"Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind." (Albert Einstein)

A chainsaw warbling under water would be more melodic than Esther McVey, who is cruelty personified.

Boris Johnson: “I pay the lion’s share of my taxes.” Not all of them then?

The last time a populist, racist party came to power in a European country during an economic downturn it didn't end well.

Cameron used his most statesmanlike language to tell us he would “kick Mark Reckless’s fat arse out of Westminster”. How did that work out?

I can't imagine a greater expression of contempt for the working class than ‘The Sun’ unilaterally appointing White Van Dan its representative.

Some Tories are unhappy about the ‘Cameron Must Go’ Twitter storm. Why don’t they just have another glass of Bolly and maybe whip a few of their servants?

It must be really cold outside, I saw a Tory politician with his hands in his own pockets.

by stuart torr Mon Nov 24, 2014 2:34 pm

Probably counting his loose change now eh Ivan

by **Ivan** Tue Dec 02, 2014 11:26 pm

“Flags are bits of coloured cloth that governments use first to shrink-wrap people’s minds and then as ceremonial shrouds to bury the dead.” (Arundhati Roy)

I will remember Gordon Brown for reducing child poverty to a 25-year low during his last year in power.

Aldous Huxley: "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Perhaps the BBC should take note of that.

Politicians who cut incomes and are then shocked when the tax take falls hardly have a grip, do they?

Michael Gove is how Harry Potter would have turned out if Voldemort had won.

My GP told me to watch my drinking. So now I stand with my glass in front of a mirror.

I wonder if Nick Clegg tells his kids they're getting fantastic Christmas presents but that they'll only get them in 2020?

It's not a case of David standing up to Goliath, it's more about Twitter standing up to the arrogant liar David!

Gordon Brown - highly intelligent, workaholic, gave tax credits to the poor.
Cameron - thick as a brick, lazy, gives tax cuts to the rich.

BBC more and more resembling a North Korean news agency, dutifully recycling propaganda day after day for this sinister government.

Let's look forward to the day when Osborne has to throw in the towel as chancellor. Mind you, he'll probably be given the job afterwards of re-folding it.

There are only two situations in which Nigel Farage drinks beer - when he's alone and when he's with other people.

by **Ivan** Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:02 am

First Nadine Dorries, now Edwina Currie. When will Esther McVey go into the jungle and complete the opening scene from Macbeth?

“Shirley Williams is the only person in British politics to have helped ruin three parties: Labour, SDP then the Lib Dems.” (Patrick Strudwick)

According to Cameron, Jimmy Carr’s tax affairs are “morally wrong”, yet the hypocrite had no comment to make on Tory supporter Gary Barlow’s arrangements.

A ‘small state’ is one where you tell people who need help that they can get lost.

"Don't understand why working class people would vote UKIP, unless it's an intentional act of self-harm." (Gary Bainbridge)

"The politics of envy" - an empty-headed insult designed to shut up anyone interested in social justice.

"The only recovery in history where people's wages are falling and tax revenues aren't rising." (Mark Serwotka)

Cameron is a well-educated Tory puppet who knows exactly what to say but doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.

Mark Reckless will just be an answer in a pub quiz in a few years.

"We all know how George Osborne styles his hair, but he can't brush away the borrowing figures." (Ed Balls)

by stuart torr Sat Dec 06, 2014 4:50 pm

Borrowing figures sky high tax tax tax the poor to pay them back.

by **Ivan** Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:03 pm

“One of the principal causes of food poverty is that poor people do not know how to cook.” (Lady Jenkin)

UKIP – a 'libertarian' party which wants to ban parody accounts, restrict where mothers can breastfeed and stop people living where they like.

Kleptocracy – a form of political corruption where the government exists to increase the wealth and power of the ruling class. Sound familiar?

“Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.” (René Descartes)

Given the amount of damage the Tories do when they concentrate, maybe it would be better if they all played ‘Candy Crush Saga’ all the time.

Might find William Wales' campaign against the ivory trade more convincing if he didn't enjoy killing wild animals for his idea of 'sport'.

The problem with Tories is that it's not enough for them to win; others must lose.

Voltaire: “All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.” Or unless they are US policemen?

Why are people swallowing the line that food bank use is down to waste? Waste is an important issue, but food poverty is due to cuts.

“With spending forecast to shrink as % of GDP to its smallest size in 80 years, can we now stop pretending austerity was about cutting the deficit?” (Mehdi Hasan)

I wonder when Lady Jenkin last cooked a meal at home. Does she have servants to do that for her, or does she just eat subsidised meals in Parliament?

Good to see Farage keeping abreast of the important topics in politics.

Eric Pickles wants to cut benefits for obese people. That takes the biscuit, doesn't it? Or in his case, about £76k worth of them every year.

Humphrey Bogart's last words: "I should never have switched from scotch to martinis”.

Working for benefits is wrong: if there's a job, then pay a wage to those who do it.

“Let them eat porridge.” (Lady Jenkin)

Side road near my home is blocked by badly parked cars. I'm sure Farage would say it was all the fault of immigrants.

"The massive growth in food banks is largely because we are feeding the dirty habits of people living a life on the take." (Katie Hopkins)

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B4W3inpIgAAWlfM

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B4W3inpIgAAWlfM

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4W3inpIgAAWlfM.jpg

by **Ivan** Sat Dec 13, 2014 12:33 am

If the low-paid think Farage is the answer, they are too dim to ask questions.

Nationalism is for those who want to send other people's kids to kill and die, often over the drawing of a line on a map.

The 2008 crash was caused by Labour? Blame them for the Black Death while you're at it, Clegg!

Neil Hamilton's financial chicanery makes him an unsuitable UKIP MP. Bit like being kicked out of the Ku Klux Klan for being too racist.

The only way to listen to Jacob Rees-Mogg is on the Home Service on a bakelite wireless.

Dante Alighieri, author of ‘The Divine Comedy’, returns from the dead just to add Dick Cheney's name to ‘Inferno’.

Wet, annoying, blown all over the place and ending up down the drain. Not the Lib Dems, but snow in North Yorkshire.

Farage is not an alternative, he’s not a saviour. He does not speak truths. He's a bar room loud-mouth in a suit with a smile.

Liam Fox is a Christian! They let anyone in, don't they?

If Ofsted starts looking at the way schools promote character, then Eton will be placed in special measures.

Even the Dalai Lama or Gandhi would find it hard not to throw something at Nick Clegg when he's doing PMQs.

The UKIP-themed nativity at my local school was poor. Lots of donkeys, no wise men, and Joseph and Mary delayed on the road to Bethlehem.

by **Ivan** Wed Dec 17, 2014 12:42 pm

“People go to food banks because they get divorced, ill or addicted to drugs; it is ridiculous to blame the government." (Iain Duncan Smith)

Jeb Bush became a 'consultant' for Lehman Brothers one year before it went bust. Now the clown wants to run for US president!

Firefighters deserve a decent pension. We run away from danger they run towards it.

“Poverty is like punishment for a crime you didn’t commit.” (Eli Khamarov)

If the UK is so great that immigrants are to be kept out, why isn't it good enough for Tories to keep their money here?

“The way forward for UKIP is to think Gladstone, not Alf Garnett.” (Douglas Carswell)

Of course waterboarding is torture. It's not exactly an advanced facial hydration procedure.

Has UKIP’s Kerry Smith resigned as a candidate as the result of a bad reaction to applying Anusol?

Note to Iain Duncan Smith: “All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.” (Tennessee Williams)

Dear John Humphrys, when someone is answering your question, don't interrupt them to ask why they aren't answering your question.

Douglas Carswell: "Tories are Waitrose, Labour is Morrisons, UKIP is Lidl and Aldi." But they're foreign! And isn't Farage from Poundland?

Dick Cheney has survived so many heart attacks because even Hell won't have him - only Halliburton and conservatives.

“There is no such thing as the voiceless, only the deliberately unheard.” (Arundhati Roy)

UKIP is "changing UK politics" in the way corrosion changed my Ford Cortina.

Boris Johnson is a pompous unprincipled elitist, hiding behind a mask as a loveable buffoon.

"If I'm lucky, I might just get in." So said Jeb Bush, on the chances of him successfully parking in the garage on a Friday night.

Just read the advice on my painkillers. May cause drowsiness, nausea and the urge to annex the Sudetenland.

Iain Duncan Smith must have read ‘The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists’ and thought Hunter and Rushton were its heroes.

by stuart torr Wed Dec 17, 2014 1:19 pm

Read about Jeb Bush going for presidency, hell would freeze over before he became the president.

by boatlady Wed Dec 17, 2014 2:52 pm

Another 'premier cru' selection Ivan - thanks

santa

by oftenwrong Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:23 pm

"UKIP nominate Gay Immigrant public-breast-feeder to stand against Cameron in Witney constituency." (I've made that up, but would anyone bet against the possibility?)

by stuart torr Wed Dec 17, 2014 7:12 pm

Well I would not bet against it OW as that is the type of thing they do is it not. Rolling Eyes

by **Ivan** Fri Dec 19, 2014 4:19 pm

Just love the hypocrisy when Tories call Blair a war criminal but conveniently forget Thatcher's close friendship with the butcher Pinochet.

IDS promised there would be 1m people on universal credit by April 2014 and 12m by 2017. There are now 23k on the benefit and he is still in his job.

Can we expect a new TV series starring Dawn French and titled 'The Bishop of Dibley'?

Good that smoking in cars with children is to be banned, but I can imagine the Tory tabloid furore (‘nanny state’) if Labour had introduced it.

Pakistan re-introducing the death penalty won't deter those Taliban lunatics - the ones who attacked a school were wearing suicide vests.

"Conservatives may preach the dignity of work, but their agenda is to deny lower-income workers as much dignity as possible." (Paul Krugman)

I’m not voting UKIP because I’m not an ignorant, bigoted, racist halfwit with the IQ of a cornflake.

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” (Malcolm S. Forbes.)

Lib Dems helped to vote the bedroom tax into law, then disowned it, then declined the chance to reverse it. Their thought process is truly baffling.

The umbrella of lies and disinformation that emanates from the Department for Work and Pensions should be known as "Iain Duncan's Myth".

by stuart torr Fri Dec 19, 2014 5:36 pm

Ivan they are brill yet again, I really do not know if I could sit down for a week and come up with a list like that, what do you do as soon as you think of one write it down?

by **Ivan** Tue Dec 23, 2014 9:24 am

stu. I have written some of the tweets on this thread, but most of them have been posted on Twitter by other people. I don’t add the names of the authors as they would mean nothing to most of our members. Here is the latest crop:-

Nigel Farage: “If you and your mates are going out for a Chinese, what would you say you were going for?” How about saying "a Chinese"?

Age of deference won't be over until people stop watching Ma Windsor's platitudes on Christmas Day and Nicholas Witchell is put out to grass.

The BBC has renewed its obsession with Gary Barlow. I wish HMRC would do likewise.

UKIP MEP Janice Atkinson, who attacked “feckless” parents on welfare benefits, owes over £2,000 in missed child support payments!

Election slogan for May 2015 - ‘The Conservatives: at least Dick Turpin wore a mask’.

Bloody Poles, coming over here picking sprouts for everyone's Christmas dinner.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” (Plato)

To mark Twitter's loss (or is it gain?), a new version of a famous folk song is to be released as 'Where have all the Kippers gone?'

“Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.” (Denis Diderot)

Cameron being a statesman yet again - leaves crucial talks in Northern Ireland to go to his wife's 'Ibiza-style' birthday bash at Chequers.

If UKIP supporters were to take their heads out of the sand, they wouldn't have to talk out of their backsides.

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B5fPq_KCIAAFzNy

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B5fPq_KCIAAFzNy

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5fPq_KCIAAFzNy.jpg

by boatlady Tue Dec 23, 2014 10:01 am

“Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.” (Denis Diderot)

Yes - possibly true

by stuart torr Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:15 pm

Should that not read, if UKIP took their arses out of the sand would they then have to speak out of their mouths?

by oftenwrong Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:38 pm

Things which were actually said by Politicians in 2014 ....

http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/politicians-actually-said-these-sexist-things-in-2014--xkNiTd-8Ye

by **Ivan** Mon Dec 29, 2014 12:33 am

The only way Nigel Farage can be 'The Times Man Of The Year’ is if it's 1957.

Hour-long peak-time Bruce Forsyth show tonight. What was Lord Reith thinking when he gave him a 125-year contract?

“The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.” (Maximilien de Robespierre)

Apparently, Churchill nearly converted to Islam. That must be as confusing to a UKIP supporter as a piece of paper with PTO on both sides.

When Cameron and Osborne went in the front doors in Downing Street, grace, mercy, compassion and love of one’s fellow man exited via the rear.

The Queen’s Speech - load of bullshit from the woman at the pinnacle of a class system that sustains privilege at the expense of merit.

UKIP supports fox hunting and a UKIP donor makes 2,700 staff redundant on Christmas Day. UKIP is as anti-establishment as the Henley Regatta.

To the woman on Sky News who "saved a fortune" in the sales - not as much as those of us who stayed away from the shops and spent nowt.

So the Brit of 2014 is supposed to be a boozing, smoking, racism sexism homophobia and idiocy excusing, work-shy MEP?

In 2010, Cameron said: "If we don't deliver our side of the bargain, vote us out in five years’ time". Thanks for the reminder, Dave!

Tourists don’t come to the UK expecting to have tea with the Queen, just as they don’t expect to meet a pharaoh at Luxor.

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.” (Mark Twain)

Tweeted by a UKIP supporter: “Anyone with half a brain must vote UKIP”. My thoughts entirely.

Bruce Forsyth is possibly the last member of his generation of TV personalities who is not either dead or in jail.

More baffling than the West Lothian Question - how has Harry Redknapp enjoyed a 30-year career in football management?

'Twas the night before Christmas, and we all should weep.
For some kids wait for Santa, others just hope to eat.

My Brit of the year? Alan Henning, Will Pooley or Harry Leslie Smith. Not a saloon bar bore whose only positive is his breathalyser reading.

A Bush is what happens when intelligent people don’t vote:-

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B5CWWzACMAAgjcY

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 6 B5CWWzACMAAgjcY

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5CWWzACMAAgjcY.jpg

by stuart torr Mon Dec 29, 2014 1:47 pm

Nice one there Ivan, regarding the confusing piece of paper with PTO on both sides. Laughing

by **Ivan** Sat Jan 03, 2015 2:58 pm

“Tories want to end six-figure redundancy payoffs in the public sector. They think that sort of obscene payout should be confined to bankers' annual bonuses.” (David Schneider)

If missing every target you have set yourself and losing the UK’s AAA credit rating is "competence", Mr Osborne, then I need a new dictionary.

"Sending us Ebola bombs in the form of sweaty Glaswegians just isn't cricket." (Katie Hopkins)

The Tories' new poster, if it was honest, would have potholes on a public road or an exorbitant toll for a privatised one.

“The end of democracy and the defeat of the American Revolution will occur when government falls into the hands of lending institutions and moneyed incorporations.” (Thomas Jefferson, 1816)

You can recreate Jools Holland’s ‘Hootenanny’ in your own home by walking backwards all night while pointing at some toddlers with tambourines.

“Had Tony Blair not been so disdainful about anything remotely old Labour, there would probably be much less support for UKIP now.” (Neal Lawson)

In the light of the allegations about Prince Andrew, are you surprised that the royals want stricter secrecy laws for themselves?

“Irony of the Tory poster is that in 2010 they attacked Labour for pledging only to halve the deficit. Now they're boasting of achieving that.” (George Eaton)

Rupert Murdoch hates the EU - Nigel Farage hates the EU - Murdoch owns 'The Times' - 'The Times' nominates Farage as 'Briton Of The Year'.

I understand why corporations support the Tories, but I just don't get why, after four years of brutal austerity, any human being would.

"Glaswegian Ebola patient moved to London's Royal Free Hospital. Not so independent when it matters most, are we Jocksville?" (Katie Hopkins)

If a UKIP supporter looks at that Tory road for long enough, they might spot an immigrant blocking the traffic.

“What a bitter irony if Scotland’s detestation of Tories leads to so many seats for the SNP that Cameron crosses the line first.” (Polly Toynbee)

According to the Tories’ latest poster, there are 760,000 more businesses. They just haven’t mentioned that 707,200 of them have no employees.

“Farage wants a better yesterday, the rest of us work towards a better tomorrow.” (Tessa Jowell)

by stuart torr Sat Jan 03, 2015 5:22 pm

Brill yet again Ivan, keep them coming. Laughing

by **Ivan** Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:52 am

The Tories have allowed the steady creep of privatisation to attack the NHS like gangrene gnaws at an injured leg.

“Those feeling alienated need to know that not voting is no protest: it’s a vote gifted to those you most detest.” (Polly Toynbee)

The UKIP website is down. How do I know which minority to blame, or which risible and tragically misinformed view to hold today?

"Osborne would be mad to let the OBR audit Labour's spending plans: they would probably get a clean bill of health." (Jeremy Cliffe)

People need to give Sarah Ferguson a break. Who hasn't been given £15k by the convicted child-molesting friend of their ex-partner?

Nick Clegg says he could "offer a heart" to a future Tory-led government. How has that worked for the last five years?

UKIP press release: Problems with website caused by Godfrey Bloom's wife cleaning behind the internet.

On 18th November, IDS was late for a ‘5 Live’ interview. If he'd been a benefit claimant, he'd have lost all his income since.

“There has been no winter crisis in the NHS” says the BBC’s Norman Smith. In other news, man has not landed on the moon and the Titanic made it to New York.

Tories promise £7bn of unfunded tax cuts and then trash Labour plans. That’s like George Best saying you drink too much.

UKIP's website finally turned up in the boot of a Singer Gazelle at a Home Counties golf club.

“The history of referendums – and why they are bad democracy – is that people use them to vote against the government of the day, regardless of the issue.” (Polly Toynbee)

I must need my ears testing. Just heard Nick Clegg saying the Lib Dems are anchors. That's not right is it?

A Tory/UKIP alliance wouldn't be a coalition, it'd be a reunion.

If Ched Evans proves to be too toxic for any football club, he could always become a Tory MP or get a job with the Windsors.

by boatlady Wed Jan 07, 2015 1:37 pm

'giggle'

by stuart torr Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:24 pm

I know boatlady, Nick Clegg said the lib/dems were what? Laughing

by boatlady Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:27 pm

Think he missed off the w

by stuart torr Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:38 pm

by **Ivan** Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:22 pm

Society for the Protection of Furniture has complained that using an empty chair to represent Cameron in TV debates would be cruel and insulting.

Eric Pickles was used as a counterweight as the Hoegh Osaka moved for the first time since it ran aground in the Solent.

When Cameron referred to Andy Burnham as secretary of state for health, Jeremy Hunt didn't look too impressed.

If Douglas Carswell ever left UKIP, the mean IQ of the party members would plummet.

So now we know - Natalie Bennett is the Green candidate, and David Cameron is the Yellow candidate.

Cameron - the more you see, the less there is. It’s no wonder that Obama called the gutless creep “a lightweight”.

Half expecting someone on Fox News to say that the finest group ever to come from Birmingham is Quran Quran.

“Watching Cameron at PMQs is like watching a man in front of a burning building who claims he doesn't smell smoke.” (Harry Leslie Smith)

I can understand why Cameron doesn't like being called “chicken”. He’s a turkey.

Tories only get elected by lying about their opponents, hiding what they intend to do, and making promises they have no intention of keeping.

by boatlady Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:25 am

I'm beginning to think Harry Leslie Smith must have a script writer - so many pithy and spot on statements - Either that or he's seriously bright

by **Ivan** Sat Jan 17, 2015 8:38 pm

Why did the chicken cross the pond? For a photo op with Obama, of course!

There are zones of the UK which are no-go areas for rational thought. They're known as UKIP branch meetings.

“I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight for your right to say it. Unless you're David Starkey.” (David Schneider)

If Cameron is a ‘world leader’ then the world has suddenly become very small.

Really windy here in Yorkshire. Not seen trees in such imminent danger of serious damage since Eric Pickles gave up parachuting.

“I drink, therefore I am.” (W.C.Fields)

The only green thing Cameron is interested in is the fig leaf the party gives him for running away from public scrutiny.

A cheap alternative to HS2 would be to give every passenger £100 to catch an earlier train.

Amazing the number of UKIP supporters who spell ‘borders’ as ‘boarders’. Boarders are Farage, Carswell and Reckless, who attended public schools.

In Francis Maude's equal society, multimillionaires rub shoulders with mere millionaires.

So the financial crisis wasn't caused by too many Sure Start centres, whodathunkit?

The trouble with Thatcherism is once you've run out of taxpayers’ money, you have to dip into your wife or husband's offshore account.

“David Starkey is Katie Hopkins with a PhD.” (Mehdi Hasan)

Cameron says it's not the business of the state to censor the media. Then he tries to tell the media who they should have in the leaders’ TV debates.

Al Murray is standing against Nigel Farage in South Thanet. Is that a comedian versus a bad joke, or The Pub Landlord against The Pub Bore?

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