Favourite 'tweets'

by **Ivan** Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

First topic message reminder :

For those of us who use 'Twitter', I thought it might be worth having a thread to share some of the interesting tweets we come across. Here are three that I've read today:-

Nick Clegg says "families are at boiling point". Well you put the gas under them, Clegg!

When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.

No income tax, no VAT
No points last week off Man City
The future’s grim, he's looking pale
Harry Redknapp’s off to jail.

by oftenwrong Thu Oct 13, 2016 7:40 pm

by boatlady Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:12 pm

AND killer clowns - the end of the world is nigh!

by oftenwrong Thu Oct 13, 2016 11:09 pm

Jemima Khan wishes to express an opinion

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 15 Cuq8DMvXgAAkEIM

by **Ivan** Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:24 am

The Tesco-Unilever spat suggests that the UK economy is going to Hellmans in a handcart.

“Has anyone accused our currency of talking the country down yet?” (James O’Brien)

Theresa May attempting to deliver a joke is like a buffalo trying to knit a scarf.

Samsung issues recall of a highly dangerous, potentially explosive item. The Republican Party is slowly trying to follow suit.

“Take back control”? We're not even self-sufficient in Marmite.

Following the bore draw with Slovenia, the top English performer is named as the editor who managed to cobble together the highlights for ITV.

Boris Johnson says "Russia is in danger of becoming a pariah state". Rather like Britain under Theresa May's xenophobic dictatorship.

Liam Fox is especially keen on building a new royal yacht, as he's certain it'll help secure a really good trade deal with the Isle of Wight.

Imagine a 52% Remain win and the government declaring Hard Remain - Schengen and the euro within 2 years. Would Leavers have been silent?

Cameron’s new job is to make national citizen service for teens “a normal part of growing up”, just like foxhunting and wine society memberships.

Trump insists we ignore his behaviour from ten years ago and pay attention instead to another man’s behaviour from ten years before that.

George Orwell once said that “sport is war minus the shooting”. That’s especially true when England is playing football.

Had the fear of losing Marmite been on the side of a referendum battlebus, we might not now be in this mess.

The Battle of Hastings would have had to be delayed until 1076 if the Anglo-Saxons had arrived by Southern Rail.

Listen! Can you hear it? That's the sound of Brexiters moving from shouting "Project Fear" to saying "short-term economic pain is worth it".

“There you are, the world's fine - a deranged psychotic misogynist who wants to run the world is down to 40% in the polls.” (Mark Steel)

by **Ivan** Mon Oct 17, 2016 11:41 pm

As Bob Dylan wins Nobel Prize for literature, Doris Lessing is delighted with nomination for best breakthrough album at Brit Awards.

It's mystifying how "better together" can be used as an argument against Scottish independence by people who voted for Brexit!

Global media report Iraqi and Kurdish forces are poised for victory in ISIS-held Mosul - as long as they can guarantee an element of surprise.

On its 950th anniversary, followers of King Harold insist Battle of Hastings was purely advisory and demand a second battle.

As report says goods traded with foreign countries are vital for GDP growth, Michael Gove says the country is fed up with so-called exports.

Keep attacking Labour for alleged anti-semitism, then people will be distracted from the blatant racism which is now mainstream Tory policy.

“Message to the trolls: I believe in parliamentary democracy. You believe in crude majoritarianism. The difference is very important.” (A C Grayling)

Theresa May has told NHS bosses there is no more money to fill their £22bn budget black hole, but she hasn’t ruled out a new royal yacht.

Fact that the only real leader the party has ever had is an active supporter of Donald Trump should tell you all you need to know about UKIP.

As it emerges that 4 in 10 Britons live in substandard homes, Tory MPs ask: "Why don't they just move into one of their other ones?"

by **Ivan** Thu Oct 20, 2016 8:28 pm

“Before they were in and they had many opt-outs. Now they want to be out, with many opt-ins.” (Xavier Bettel, Luxembourg PM, referring to UK)

Ecuadorian embassy turns internet back on after Julian Assange finally promises to tidy his room.

"Boys will be boys." Okay, then women will be presidents.

“Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.” (H L Mencken)

Theresa May’s government combines xenophobia, bigotry, authoritarianism, divisiveness and crass economic stupidity.

Britain's Brexit plan reminds me of the time the school's roof collapsed and we sold rice crispy cakes because we were 10 and had no other skills.

"Experience shows - see Hitler - that to a politician it can be an advantage not to be taken too seriously at the start of his career." (George Orwell)

Following immigration row, May says she favours free movement of people, with Philip Hammond free to move to another job whenever he likes.

London Zoo gorilla is recaptured after he realises how much he'd have to pay to rent a similar size space in zone 1 in London.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” (Leo Tolstoy)

by **Ivan** Sat Oct 22, 2016 6:00 pm

Slaves used to have their teeth inspected by potential purchasers. It's gutter politics from David Davies to suggest the same for child refugees.

As ‘The Sun’ calls for his sacking over "migrant lies", Gary Lineker says he may follow their lead and apologise in about 25 years.

It's not easy to see how we can have a "mature relationship" with the EU, as Theresa May hopes, if she keeps the present foreign secretary.

“Always feel slightly tense when the guard announces a train will divide in two at the next station, in case it does it lengthwise.” (David Schneider)

Tory MP David Davies questions Lineker's right to be employed by the BBC. Others question if an obnoxious git like Davies should be an MP.

Shock and outrage as rigorous screening in Calais confirms that refugees - even those that are over 18 - are actually human beings.

“Oh man, how did Trump get here? He just seems like a low rent villain in a Disney movie trying to build a hotel on a kids' skatepark.” (Frankie Boyle)

Boris Johnson wanted to punch Michael Gove. The only reason he didn't is that he hates queuing.

by boatlady Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:16 am

Sadly, in many ways, Gove may turn out to be the best of the bunch as far as the present generation of Tory politicians is concerned

by oftenwrong Sun Oct 23, 2016 5:57 pm

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never is, but always to be blessed:
The soul, uneasy and confined from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

– Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

by **Ivan** Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:43 pm

We need to take back control of our borders. Mainly to stop all the businesses, banks, doctors and scientists from leaving.

Bruce Springsteen on Donald Trump: “He’s such a flagrant, toxic narcissist.”

Doctors are to publish a list of 40 treatments patients don't need, with "the frostiness from GPs' receptionists" at number one.

When I think of Theresa May, I think of selfless devotion to the greater good. And how that is the opposite of her cynical manoeuvring.

“When male golfers wiggle their feet to get their stance right, they look exactly like cats preparing to pee.” (Jilly Cooper)

Why do those on the right think it's patriotic to sing the national anthem and love the Queen, but avoid tax which could help our country?

So much venom directed at Shami Chakrabarti over her peerage, so little directed at the string of cronies and donors who Cameron ennobled.

“I stood to be Pope once and didn't win, so the vote must have been rigged. So I know what Trump's going through, bless him.” (Mark Steel)

Wasting billions on Brexit won't give people back control, but spending that money on education and training would do so for many.

Lewis Hamilton wins US Grand Prix. Experts are baffled how a young black man could drive such an expensive car in the US without police shooting him.

by **Ivan** Tue Oct 25, 2016 4:20 pm

May only approved the expansion of Heathrow because she wanted Boris Johnson to keep his promise of laying in front of bulldozers as work begins.

For some reason, Michael Gove announces that the people with the power to return him to political life are wonderful.

Heathrow expansion is pointless. Once those who can afford to go have left, nobody is coming to visit a rainy, fascist, Enid Blyton theme park.

Zac Goldsmith is a fiercely moral politician - as long as you disregard that massively racist mayoral campaign, and the fact he was a Tory MP.

Expanding Heathrow will guarantee that Europe's largest car park (otherwise known as the M25) will get even bigger.

Gove’s legacy – almost a third of all teachers who started work in 2010 have already left the profession.

Oh Gatwick, if only you'd written some lies about the cost of Heathrow in big letters on the side of a plane.

If Johnson is prepared to keep his promise to lie in front of the bulldozers as Heathrow expansion starts, I'm prepared to drive him there.

Why is the BBC wasting so much time on that odious little has-been Gove, and his pathetic attempt to worm his way into Theresa May's good books?

“We need a better Heathrow, not a bigger Heathrow.” (Theresa May, January 2009)

by **Ivan** Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:51 pm

Zac Goldsmith has resigned over the third runway and accused it of being in league with Islamic extremists.

"A lot of people will invest here in the UK because it is the UK in Europe." (Theresa May, 26 May 2016)

Halloween is coming up; surely there must be Jacob Rees-Mogg costumes available?

Let's hope that the end of May comes before the end of March next year and that Wrexit can be halted.

“If a woman hasn’t met the right man by the time she’s 24, she may be lucky.” (Deborah Kerr)

Heathrow Airport’s 3rd runway could involve planes departing via an M25 ‘ramp’, assuming they can get airborne at 10mph.

“Our cunning plan is to have no plan” – Jeremy Corbyn quotes Blackadder’s Baldrick at PMQs to describe Theresa May’s approach to Brexit.

Boris Johnson's previous offer to lie down in front of bulldozers is given as the principal reason for the Heathrow go-ahead.

Liam Fox: "Those in the EU who put politics ahead of prosperity might want to think twice." Irony is dead.

Laura Kuenssberg finally admits that Theresa May is a lying, deceptive, evasive con artist.

Thatcher and Cameron have been voted the two worst PMs. Presumably the poll was taken too soon for May to qualify.

"Baldrick means Baldrick." (Tony Robinson)

Spain defends fuelling Russian warships before they head off for a fight, saying they've been doing the same for Brits for decades.

A traitor is someone who betrays the best interests of their country. Theresa May knows that Brexit is insane but is still going ahead with it.

Sad that victims of capitalism turn to scum like Trump and Farage, and the deceit of Brexit, rather than to socialism or social democracy.

Don't know why people think Boris Johnson won't really lie down in front of a bulldozer. He was happy to lie down the side of a bus.

by **Ivan** Fri Oct 28, 2016 11:55 pm

Iain Duncan Smith reviewing ‘I, Daniel Blake’ is like Hitler reviewing ‘Schindler’s List’.

How have emails become a bigger story than serial sexual assault?

The BBC has redefined satire. It used to mean ridiculing the powerful, but now it means lampooning opposition to the powerful.

The genius of the Tory Party - let the aspirational believe that you speak for them while you crap all over them.

Toby Young is proof that intelligence is not inherited.

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” (Oscar Wilde)

Iain Duncan Smith is a perfect example of why you shouldn't let people without a functioning grip on reality make life or death decisions.

Theresa May is delighted that Nissan will build cars in post-Brexit Britain, although she’s unsure whether they'll be hard or soft-top.

I’m sick of the US import Halloween. It spoils both the Fall and the build up to Thanksgiving.

“Taxpayers. Seeing as we own most of RBS and it's lost £2.5bn, let's all send it a letter charging it £25 each for going into overdraft.” (David Schneider)

I resent the anti-intellectualism that puts narcissistic populism and misplaced protest above reason and reality and calls it 'democracy'.

Incredible that Iain Duncan Smith chairs the centre for social justice. That’s rather like Josef Fritzl running a children's home.

“How can we live in a society that uses hunger as a weapon?” (Ken Loach)

by oftenwrong Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:13 am

"The pen is mightier than the sword"

How I wish I could believe that in 2016.

by **Ivan** Tue Nov 01, 2016 11:43 am

Michael Gove: leaves child in hotel.
David Cameron: leaves child in pub.
Both: leave country in the lurch.

Amber Rudd rules out Orgreave inquiry as it would be “very hard to blame foreigners”.

USA - where only 18% of citizens have a passport, but about 40% of households have a gun and millions of people will vote for a sex pervert.

“I am not young enough to know everything.” (Oscar Wilde)

As Michael Gove tells Mark Carney to “curb his arrogance”, Jacob Rees-Mogg says he should also cut back on his over-privileged pomposity.

Defeat the miners and you defeat the unions. Now it's defeat junior doctors and then the Tories can demolish what's left of our NHS.

"No attempts at ethical or social seduction can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party." (Nye Bevan)

After that humiliating defeat by Bangladesh, should Alastair Cook give up cricket and just stick to writing letters from America?

Gove’s son admits he agreed to stay in on his own after his father promised him £350m a week in pocket money.

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.” (George Orwell)

by oftenwrong Wed Nov 02, 2016 7:54 pm

by boatlady Wed Nov 02, 2016 8:15 pm

Bit zen, OW

by oftenwrong Thu Nov 03, 2016 10:43 am

Yeah, not quite sure what happened there. What you see is all that remained after pressing "send", of an attempt to show what D Trump is always pointing at ....

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 15 AAjPspB

by **Ivan** Thu Nov 03, 2016 11:57 am

Article 50 judgment, key point - "government cannot by exercise of prerogative powers override legislation enacted by Parliament" (1972 Act).

Theresa May was only in New York for one night - but she still found the time to see her boss Rupert Murdoch.

"What makes Britain need nukes so desperately when almost all other countries on earth maintain their safety without them?" (Caroline Lucas)

Brexiteers: "How dare Parliament have a say after a referendum in which we campaigned to give Parliament more of a say!"

Theresa May has become an expert at using a lot of words to say precisely nothing.

“We need prisoners to be proficient in English and Maths……the 2,000 jobs are in addition to the 400, so 2,500 in total." (Liz Truss)

Trump adds to Clinton's woes over missing emails, by claiming she once used a colleague's phone charger without asking.

Looking forward to Brexiteers calling for the Article 50 case to go to the European Court, if the Supreme Court upholds the High Court ruling.

Theresa May seems more concerned about whether footballers can wear poppies than ex-servicemen dying after their benefits are sanctioned.

Liz Truss: "There are apprenticeships in scaffolding and prisons are running courses on that." Near the walls, are they?

"In the words of the prime minister, Brexit means Brexit, and we're going to make a Titanic success if it." (Boris Johnson)

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 05, 2016 8:45 am

"I can no longer live with being labelled a Tory. I voted Leave to get back sovereignty, what I got was tyranny." (Stephen Phillips MP)

One of Hitler’s first tactics was to go after the judiciary. Does that ring any bells with ‘Daily Mail’ readers?

Orgreave wasn't a battle. It was a reasonable demonstration ended by co-ordinated state violence.

“The front page attacks on the three judges for just doing their job is scary. This is fast becoming a dystopian land.” (Gary Lineker)

George Osborne is to receive £98,000 for three speeches in the USA, which works out at 40p per sneer.

First they went for the immigrants, then the experts, now it's the judges. Who's next in line as the Brexiteers' "enemies within"?

Melania Trump encourages people to combat cyber bullies by marrying them.

"Don't let rich foreigners not born in this country tell you what to do" says ‘The Sun’, which is owned by a rich foreigner not born in this country.

Brexit is not “the will of the people”, it's the result of one vote based on a false prospectus.

If a court judgment had gone against a union and it had attacked the judge involved, it would find itself being prosecuted.

The Tories refuse an inquiry into an event where police acted as the paramilitary arm of a Tory regime. Strange that.

16/17-year-olds were allowed to vote on Indy but denied a vote on the EU. By the time that Brexit destroys their future, they will be adults.

Leavers in June: We want Parliament to make our laws. We want our judges to have the final say.
Leavers now: Block our MPs. Hang our judges.

As a symbol of remembrance for past suffering, the England football shirt will now feature a poppy.

May will waste more taxpayers' money on an appeal to the Supreme Court. How much does that leave of the mythical £350m per week for the NHS?

James O’Brien to Leave voters: “If you think you voted in possession of truth, honesty and facts, then you’re a banana”.

When a Tory MP calls his government "UKIP-lite" and "a tyranny" and then resigns from Parliament, it must be time to sit up and take notice.

Difficult to see how Liz Truss can stay in role of lord chancellor if she fails to defend the rule of law and the independence of the judiciary.

"I'm horrified by newspaper coverage of the Article 50 judgment. It reminded me of being in Mugabe's Zimbabwe." (Dominic Grieve MP)

In 1774, Edmund Burke argued that an MP should never sacrifice judgment to popular opinion. Our current MPs should heed that and bin Brexit.

by **Ivan** Mon Nov 07, 2016 12:07 am

You can't expect Liz Truss to say anything against the tabloid filth. If she did, PM Rupert Murdoch would order Mrs May to sack her.

"Referendums are blunt instruments that favour the lowest common denominator of malleable public opinion." (Paul Flynn MP)

Wave the union flag, Brexit morons, Andy Murray is the world's number 1 tennis player. But thanks to you, he probably won't always be British.

Before you light any bonfires, check that they’re not concealing any hedgehogs or Liz Truss.

Farage might have great difficulty getting into Westminster, but he has a rock solid safe seat on ‘Marr’.

Half expecting Liz Truss to say our judges worked really well right up until ‘The Daily Mail’ told her that Lord Rothermere thought they didn't.

Only in the post-Brexit insanity is it seen as more democratic to use the royal prerogative rather than have a parliamentary vote.

Liz Truss's "backing" for the judiciary was about as convincing as a football club chairman expressing "every confidence" in the manager.

"The Brexit vote deserves the same respect as the vote which chose to name a state-of-the art ship Boaty McBoatface." (Paul Flynn MP)

Dear Theresa May, when are you next going to New York to take further instructions from your boss Rupert Murdoch?

Strange how Brexit boneheads like to claim Andy Murray as their own, yet they don't respect the 62% vote in Scotland for remaining in the EU.

Liz Truss would have been promoted beyond her ability if the teachers had made her pencil monitor in her primary school.

by **Ivan** Tue Nov 08, 2016 9:45 pm

Tesco confirms that a thief took small amounts from over 20,000 bank accounts, as every little helps.

Critics say Donald Trump’s campaign shows sign of "creeping desperation", which coincidentally was his locker room nickname.

Farage has banged on for years about our great British values and British laws etc, so why does he plan to march a mob to the Supreme Court?

Prisoners escaping Pentonville leave two dummies in beds as decoys. However, police say Boris Johnson and David Davis are accounted for.

As manufacturers reduce the number of triangles in a bar of Toblerone, critics suggest we may have reached “peak stupidity”.

Cameron must be the worst PM the UK has had since Eden, or possibly since Lord North, but May is determined to challenge him for that title.

Tesco Bank customers are advised that they can now find their accounts in the frozen section.

Can we expect MPs who believe Brexit will be disastrous to assist the process? Imagine a pilot instructed by passengers to crash the plane!

As Harry Hewitt says his girlfriend has been subjected to “a wave of abuse and harassment”, Donald Trump denies ever having met her.

“Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations.” (George Orwell)

by **Ivan** Wed Nov 09, 2016 11:17 pm

‘The American Dream’ turned into a nightmare, first on 9/11 and now on 11/9.

Congratulations hatred. Well done prejudice, racism, white supremacy, intolerance, misogyny. You played an absolute blinder.

“When the Mexicans have built the wall, the Canadians can build one the other side, then the rest of us can slap a roof on and lock the buggers in.” (Mark Steel)

Americans have voted against the elites in their country, instead opting for a tax-avoiding member of the moneyed elite.

Should the UK still turn its back on its European partners now that a dangerous crackpot is set to become the next US president?

“Serving the public and ceding to its populists are often quite different things.” (Hugh Muir)

From the country that gave us George W Bush, it's time to make America stupid again.

First Brexit, now Trump. People left behind by decades of right-wing economics are duped by the lies of those on the far right.

"And the beast will yell unto his hordes of building walls and banning men of the east and grabbed pussies, and he shall rule." (Revelation 23:1)

Relax everyone, it's not the end of the world – not according to the latest polls, and they never get it wrong.

The two main western democracies that stood up to right-wing, populist nationalism in the 20th century have now succumbed to it in the 21st.

“What we know from the 1930s is that what it takes to do battle with fascism is a real left.” (Naomi Klein)

Hillary Clinton kept with tradition, phoned the winner and congratulated him. It seems that Vladimir Putin was very gracious to her.

Donald Trump says suggestions that he will be a hands-on president are just locker room talk.

“Well, at least now the UK no longer holds the award for craziest, most self-harming, hit-yourself-in-the-face nation.” (David Schneider)

Can't believe Donald Trump would have been as gracious in defeat as Hillary if he'd lost the electoral college but won the popular vote.

“I’ve watched Trump while he’s lied, slandered and abused everyone around him. He’s a horrible, vile man.” (Margaret Beckett)

by oftenwrong Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:33 am

QUOTE: “When the Mexicans have built the wall, the Canadians can build one the other side, then the rest of us can slap a roof on and lock the buggers in.” (Mark Steel)
.... then spend all that cash that Apple/Starbucks/Google and Amazon have squirrelled away in Tax havens all around the rest of the world?

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 12, 2016 12:18 am

How can the BBC describe Trump's victory as "resounding", when Hillary Clinton won more of the popular vote? Has it adopted Newspeak?

What did we all do in a previous life to be given Glenn Hoddle as a commentator?

So Trump is “poor people speaking”? His first action will be to remove healthcare for the poor because it’s a cost to well-off people.

Iain Duncan Smith on the Leave campaign: "Our promises were a series of possibilities".

People continue taking to the streets after Trump's victory, with many of them marching past the polling station they didn't bother with.

Woody Allen once joked about a guy who had such low self-esteem that when he was drowning another person’s life flashed before his eyes.

"Most African countries ought to be recolonised again for another hundred years, they know nothing about self-governance." (Donald Trump)

The only 'award' that George Osborne should have received is a sentence of twenty years in the Tower of London.

Many so-called Christians - whose leader preached love and tolerance - voted for Donald Trump. Have they just elected Satan?

'They're sitting ducks standing there!” (Glenn Hoddle)

Trump was humbled by a visit to the White House, saying it will be an honour for him to knock it down and build a condo hotel on the site.

"If you're very stupid, how can you possibly realise it? You'd have to be relatively intelligent to realise how stupid you are." (John Cleese)

Results show Clinton won the popular vote over Trump. Oh well, it's something to keep her warm in the forthcoming nuclear winter.

One of the escaped Pentonville prisoners has been arrested after he was spotted trying to collect £200 without passing Go.

Trump spoke to almost everyone, including the chief penguin of Antarctica, before he rang Theresa May. So much for 'the special relationship'.

"The dark side of human nature always lurks in politics, the mean, hating, isolationist, me-and-mine-first selfishness." (Polly Toynbee)

Suggesting that Hillary is “as bad as” Donald Trump is akin to saying a bit of indigestion is “as bad as” arsenic poisoning.

If I was stuck on a desert island with Glenn Hoddle and a packet of wafer-thin ham, I'd eat Glenn Hoddle and talk to the ham.

"If somebody can't handle a Twitter account, they can't handle the nuclear codes." (Barack Obama)

We approach Remembrance Sunday and that wonderful phrase “lest we forget”, but sadly we do and dumbass fascism takes over.

“I sincerely hope Trump does find a job Farage: Nigel becoming an economic migrant would be 2016 in a nutshell.” (James O’Brien)

by boatlady Sat Nov 12, 2016 9:45 am

Trump spoke to almost everyone, including the chief penguin of Antarctica, before he rang Theresa May. So much for 'the special relationship'. - something of a relief, that - best we have NO relationship with the loudmouthed fascist

by oftenwrong Sat Nov 12, 2016 5:52 pm

"Trump spoke to almost everyone, including the chief penguin of Antarctica, before he rang Theresa May"

I think, in his position I might have taken the same course. The poor woman is navigating the Brexit minefield without a sonar.
No good can come of that.

by boatlady Sat Nov 12, 2016 7:01 pm

without a sonar, without any political sense, without any sense of humour or humility - almost without a brain.

When she's old, she's going to look back on a wasted life

by **Ivan** Sun Nov 13, 2016 3:21 pm

The so-called patriot Nigel Farage commemorates Remembrance Sunday by going to New York to massage the ego of a fascist megalomaniac.

Robert Peston talks of Donald Trump’s “authenticity”. What, like his hair and his orange skin?

Show me one Twitter account that is for Brexit that hasn't got a British flag and some asshole speaking like a 1970s Bernard Manning.

Donald Trump: "I'll drain the swamp and end corruption". He then appoints to the transition team members of his own family who run his businesses.

Can people really not see the contradiction in worrying that Donald Trump might use the nuclear button and that Jeremy Corbyn wouldn’t?

Suzanne Evans says that UKIP is miles away from France's Front National, confusing miles and millimetres.

Reason why so many people in America think Donald Trump is The Deal Maker is because they also once believed John Wayne was a real cowboy

TV newspaper reviewers are talking about the "opportunities" of the Trump presidency. What for, Armageddon?

For those who want a politics of emotion and prejudice, reasons and facts are chains of oppression to be broken by lies, abuse and insults.

“If Trump Pence was a currency, what would be on the coins? I suggest a hand making an O-shape around the neck of the Statue of Liberty.” (David Baddiel)

Joined-up government: NHS England wants us to use pharmacies for minor ailments, while the Tories are planning to shut thousands of them.

Remembrance Sunday - when our thoughts are with those who died fighting fascism, which Farage, Trump and Le Pen are doing their best to revive.

by oftenwrong Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:48 pm

Quote: "“If Trump Pence was a currency, what would be on the coins? I suggest a hand making an O-shape around the neck of the Statue of Liberty.” (David Baddiel)"

.... and the other hand around the neck of Charles Darwin.

by **Ivan** Tue Nov 15, 2016 11:15 pm

Tories showed at their party conference that they can match Trump for racism and xenophobia. They don't need any help from scum like Farage.

“With impeccable timing, Boris Johnson now says UK is ‘probably’ leaving the customs union, thereby proving the Brexit chaos that No.10 is denying.” (Ed Miliband)

Truss soon gets to the High Court to get an injunction against prison officers but is invisible when it comes to defending High Court judges.

Plan under which Britons will face a £10 charge to travel to EU after Brexit is to be discussed by interior ministers. Thanks, Leave morons.

“Trump's mum came from Stornoway. If only Mexicans had built a wall round it to stop her getting out.” (Mark Steel)

Facebook is to improve how it deals with fake news, or Breitbart, as it’s also known.

"We shall be the global champions of free trade" says Theresa May, as she turns her back on free trade with 500 million people.

“The electoral college is a disaster for democracy.” (Donald Trump, 7 November 2012)

“The electoral college is actually genius in that it brings all states, even the smaller ones, into play.” (Donald Trump, 15 November 2016)

Liz Truss has the brain of a five-year-old, and I bet she was pleased to get rid of it.

Thomas Mair wasn't radicalised by studying the Qur’an or even Mein Kampf. He was a ‘Daily Express’ reader.

“USA will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” (Abraham Lincoln)

by oftenwrong Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:47 am

The London Editor of Breitbart, James Delingpole has described himself "as a member of probably the most discriminated-against subsection in the whole of British society—the white, middle-aged, public-school-and-Oxbridge educated middle-class male."

by **Ivan** Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:07 pm

Tory-dominated BBC wants to ensure that North Koreans get some "impartial information". A pity it doesn't apply that to the UK as well.

The good news about Google's £1bn investment in the UK is that it could yield extra tax receipts of up to £35.

“Tories hail drop in unemployment as proof plan to hugely increase number of people with insecure, low paid and precarious jobs is working.” (David Schneider)

As the OED declares ‘post-truth’ its word of the year, based on Trump's election campaign, next year's word is revealed to be ‘post-apocalypse’.

If Thatcher was 'the iron lady', Theresa May will be remembered as 'the embarrassing aunt at a family function'.

"UK must end this sick joke of a special relationship with the USA, which was only window dressing after the Suez Crisis in 1956." (Yanis Varoufakis)

With his experience of sitting on so many sofas in TV studios, it's surprising that DFS hasn't offered Nigel Farage a job.

“One does try not to be an Old Git, but they don’t make it easy.” (Alan Bennett)

Tories are bringing back rationing - rationing education, rationing healthcare, rationing housing, rationing justice, rationing democracy.

Italian minister sums up Brexit stupidity in prosecco row with Johnson: "Difference is I'm going to lose exports to one country, you to 27".

‘Prime Minister’s Questions’ is an interesting programme, but when do they air ‘Prime Minister’s Answers’? Is that a different show?

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” (Benjamin Franklin)

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:17 am

The Tories have certainly made their contribution to ‘Children In Need’. They've created a lot more of them.

So pleased that Mrs Windsor won't have to move out while taxpayers renovate Buckingham Palace. Hate to think of her sleeping in the street.

Rumour has it that Donald Trump will announce a plan to counter global warming by building a wall around the sun.

“Leave campaigners promised that we wouldn’t leave the single market. So why are they now saying there's a mandate?” (Chuka Umunna)

The Tories are 'fixing broken Britain' so well that councils have needed to spend 43% more on homelessness in the last five years.

Schrödinger's immigrant – the one who lazes around on benefits whilst simultaneously stealing your job.

I love ‘Rick Stein's Long Weekends’. I just wish the programmes were a lot shorter and had a different presenter.

Saying the vote for Brexit was a vote to leave the single market is so dodgy that it could be on the side of a bus.

Some who support ‘Children In Need’ also support policies like a lower benefit cap, the bedroom tax and the cap on tax credits - policies that harm children.

“History tells us that Donald Trump's genius idea to make a database of Muslims will definitely end well.” (Mark Steel)

Surely Farage wouldn’t want to become a member of the House of Lords? You only get paid if you can be bothered to turn up.

120,000 children will be homeless this Christmas, yet £369 million is being spent on Buckingham Palace.

A dictionary of nearly 50,000 surnames and their meanings has been published, after a four-year study led by Professor Ishouldgetoutmore.

Theresa May doesn't want to show her hand because she doesn't have a hand, no picture cards and no aces.

Donald Trump has made three appointments to his senior team, with the fourth horseman expected to be announced shortly.

by oftenwrong Sat Nov 19, 2016 10:47 pm

Jeremy Clarkson tweeted the "Police Car" should have towed the stationary vehicle away.

Favourite 'tweets' - Page 15 Cxni5oGXcAAECyv

@JeremyClarkson It's not a cop car, it's a Transport Research Laboratory survey of overtaking drivers' typical behaviour at an "accident".

by **Ivan** Wed Nov 23, 2016 5:54 pm

Trump says that many people would like to see Farage as UK ambassador to the USA. Many more would prefer to see him become ambassador in Pyongyang.

“Growth down, borrowing up, debt at record levels, budget surplus abandoned, 1m using food banks, NHS in crisis. Austerity works!” (David Schneider)

Thanks to Storm Angus, the ‘Northern Powerhouse’ will again be delayed in order to divert funds to replace damaged wheelie bins in the south.

Tony Blair wants to return to politics, saying "there are many divisive, hated figures in politics now, so why not have one more?"

The Chinese Premier League TV rights deal is worth £560 million, rising to £600 million if they can opt out of Sunderland games.

“The fake anti-elitism of rich white men like Farage and Trump is farcical at one level, but in reality it’s no joke." (Jeremy Corbyn)

May: "We are determined to help the just about managing”. Yes, the just about managing big businesses, banks and global corporations.

The queen is going to invite Trump to Windsor Castle. She can't be fussy; I wouldn't let the obnoxious specimen into my garden shed.

Infrastructure spending by Tories = sensible boost to economy.
Infrastructure spending by Labour = uncosted recklessness.

The UK could become Airstrip One under a Trump administration.

Theresa May says "austerity is about living within our means". Really? The Tories have added £595 billion of debt in the last 6 years.

UKIP logic - "take back control" from the EU, then take orders from the fascist scumbag Trump.

Wonderful offer from Hammond: tie up £3k for 3 years at 2.2% interest. You'll make £202.39 to help with your higher insurance premium taxes.

“Don't tell us who our ambassador should be, you interfering clump. UK won freedom from the US 240 years ago and we're not giving it up now.” (Armando Iannucci)

There are plenty of reformers in UKIP. Some have even accepted decimalisation of the pound and synchromesh gears in cars.

On 20th Jan 2017 the US presidency passes from a calm, intelligent, liberal African-American, to a petulant, unqualified racist.

Insomnia sufferers are advised to record Philip Hammond's autumn statement and then play it just before bedtime.

“Let's look on the bright side. Maybe climate change will kill off humanity before a global fascist government can start to colonise space.” (Frankie Boyle)

by **Ivan** Sat Nov 26, 2016 10:08 am

Farage savages the establishment elite at a champagne party at the Ritz thrown by multimillionaires.

In the future, students of psychology, politics and media will view with awe how British tabloids tricked and brainwashed millions of people.

If the EU might lose access to a market of 64 million Brits, the UK will lose access to a market of 440 million Europeans.

The BBC is happy to mention Thatcher's plans to destroy the NHS, so why is it so reticent about airing what Tories are doing to it now?

“I think there are two ways in which people are controlled. First of all frighten them, secondly demoralise them.” (Tony Benn)

Piccadilly Circus has been plunged into darkness. If it's followed by the ravens leaving the Tower of London, it's game over for Britain.

I just don’t get Brexit. If you see you’re heading for a car crash, you apply the brakes, you don’t carry on accelerating.

With Mensch already in the US and Farage heading there, we should forget about exporting jam - we've already got a great trade in fruitcakes.

In 2015, 13% of Brits aged 18-24 were considering moving to another country. Since 23 June, this has risen to 29%.

“When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.” (Marcus Tullius Cicero)

The BBC could have an 'impartial' debate about gravity. No doubt it could drag up failed chancellor Nigel Lawson to deny it.

The guiding principle behind Brexit is that if reality opposes Brexit then reality is wrong. This insanity must stop.

If paying UK tax is necessary before you can access the NHS, then Richard Branson can't use it. But of course he can buy it.

Boris Johnson shrugs off Maltese criticism by saying that the UK imports more Maltesers than it exports.

“I'm guessing the FBI decided to swing the election for Trump because his assassination is already booked and there's a cancellation fee.” (Jeremy Hardy)

by oftenwrong Sat Nov 26, 2016 7:26 pm

(Jeremy Hardy)

Ooh, you are naughty, but I like you!

(Apologies to deceased genius, Dick Emery)

by **Ivan** Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:00 pm

Mike Hookem is the new UKIP spokesperson for fisheries. Nuttall probably wishes he could appoint Godfrey Bloom for agriculture/horticulture.

I’d prefer it if my prime minister was guided by facts rather than God, and our foreign policy guided by a wise man rather than a fool.

After attacking judges and financial experts, ‘The Daily Mail’ confirms that 48% of us are actually enemies of the people.

There should be a millennial edition of the game ‘Monopoly’, where you just walk round the board paying rent but are never able to buy anything.

Hypocrites – Trump advocates torture but feigns concern about human rights in Cuba, Nuttall is ‘pro life’ but supports the death penalty.

May spins that she intends to act on the obscenity of executive pay. Pointless unless it includes bonuses, expenses and share options.

“To all MPs: only 1/4 of UK citizens voted Leave. No deal will ever be as good as EU membership. You know both facts. Please act accordingly.” (A C Grayling)

Those dreadful Cubans have put people in prison without trial on their island. Our American allies would never do that.

If 100 people are tied together and 52 of them decide to jump off a cliff, should the 48 resist the insanity or just jump off with them?

The royals got a 66% pay rise, while 3,500 people sleep rough across England every night

“Farage is not a cartoon character. He ain’t Del boy and he ain’t Arthur Daley, he’s a poundshop Enoch Powell.” (Russell Brand)

Pundits denounce any suggestion of a return to politics by Ed Balls, since laughable reality TV stars never succeed at the ballot box.

by oftenwrong Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:31 pm

"May spins that she intends to act on the obscenity of executive pay. Pointless unless it includes bonuses, expenses and share options."

Not forgetting a Pension Pot for the CEO of a size to meet the balance-of-payments deficit of a small nation.

by **Ivan** Fri Dec 02, 2016 2:52 pm

The David Davis idea of paying for single market access is good. Maybe other European countries could do the same and form some sort of union.

There isn't a finite number of jobs in a country, and as immigrants are consumers they create work. Blame greedy employers for low pay.

Sorry Paul Nuttall, most working class voters are not homophobic, anti-abortion, climate change deniers who want to privatise the NHS.

David Davis logic – go to Starbucks, take your own flask of hot water and jar of Nescafé, then pay the full whack.

Gareth Southgate is announced as permanent England manager until 2020, with a replacement to be announced by half past eight.

Boris Johnson denies he supports freedom of movement, unless it's the freedom to move from one position to another whenever he feels like it.

David Davis doesn't want to buy a TV licence, so he pays his neighbours £300 a year to watch their set through a telescope.

Nigel Farage is going to be on ‘Question Time’ next week. Why do I feel that I might have tweeted that before?

Vegan campaigners insist new bank notes should be made of fruit and vegetable pulp, thus giving everyone their fiver day.

Theresa May should sack David Davis, and then pay him a monthly ‘salary’ to continue to offer his services.

The NHS admits plans exist to delay operations for obese patients, in a further blow to the “have cake and eat it” strategy.

Donald Trump announces he is "leaving business" to focus on more important matters, such as tweeting about actors and newspaper circulation.

The reason that public services can't cope is not because immigrants use them but because we have a Tory government which is destroying them.

Brexit selection boxes are now available with dubious claims written on the side of the Double Decker.

Theresa May responds to praise from Kate Bush by asking to see Babooshka's immigration papers.

David Davis wanted to leave Netflix, but then he secured a special deal where he pays them £7.49 a month in return for access to their content.

Can't get a doctor’s appointment because of immigration? How much harder would it be to get one without immigrant doctors?

“Before they were in and they had many opt-outs. Now they want to be out, with many opt-ins.” (Xavier Bettel, Luxembourg PM, referring to UK)

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